Hi
My daughter is 8 in yr3 of main stream school with a diagnosis of 'mild autism'. Her school does not recognise that she has any difficulties and have not even given her an IEP. I desparately want to help her tackle her social difficulties. She finds it very difficult to communicate with her peers. She feels very uncomfortable and struggles to talk or make eye contact with any of them. I know she needs some help but I don't know what to do.
Dear Daisy,
I'm in exactly the same boat - my daughter is 8 years old (year 4), is selectively mute and has no friends at school (one good friend from earlier school who's now moved, but we still keep in touch). If you're in the north Essex area, let me know - my daughter sorely needs to meet other girls like her! Unlike you however, our school does seem to be taking it seriously, even though I haven't got a diagnosis yet - paediatrician is thinking about referring her to Gt Ormond Street because she's unlikely to be vocal at an ADOS assessment and may require specialist diagnosis. She's bright, funny and talks her head off at home, but is paralysed by fear and anxiety at school. What about printing off all the teaching pack stuff on this website and taking it in with you when you see the SENCO? Although my school takes it seriously, they haven't actually done anything yet other than draw up a few flashcards to prompt action when she freezes, but she has a pretty empathetic teacher anyway which helps. And it's early days...
Ah the 'mild' crap.
Due to that, and the fact that I was taught how to keep eye contact etc at will, I am constantly being told by the carers 'well its only mild aspergers'(yes, carers from NAS), even though mild is actually in reference to the comorbids.
The issue is that most people with autism find it intimidating to make eye contact, teach them that keeping solid eye contact is a sign of power and confidence that will make others less likely to piss her off or question her.(Tell me an almost expressionless face isnt intimidating in a 'haunted' way)
Speech therapy is a good idea, I had that when little, but they will find it annoying, give them ice cream or somethign after each meeting as the meetings are nothing but repetitive 'try saying blah' ... 'no, mor of the tada noise'.
At parents evening go in to see the parents all guns blazing - they are contracted to listen at this point, and have the social pressuire of waiting parents to actually listen. Also consider putting i na complain to the head of school, as ka NAS carer to acompany you so that they can hand over hte leaflets to scare them a bit (looks more official). Also ask if they have a learning support department. My old school had 3, bullies, bullied, spectrum (in short).
Your daughter has a diagnosis of autism, and as such will have marked impairments in social interaction, communication and flexibility of thought. Mild autism is not a diagnosis! She had enough impairments to qualify for a diagnosis of ASD ~ if she didnt she would have received a different diagnosis such as atypical autism or pervasive developmental disorder (when some of the criteria is met but not enough for ASD diagnosis). Request a meeting with the school SENCO and the teachers involved and request that your daughter is assessed for any learning difficulties she may have. Ask that the educational psychologist become involved. Invite the people who diagnosed your daughter along to that meeting and ask that a copy of the clinical report showing your daughters diagnosis be forwarded to everybody who is involved with her education. I doubt very much whether the school situation is as rosy as her teachers are leading you to believe. If a child has enough impairments for a diagnosis of autism then they are going to be struggling in a group setting of 30+ people five days a week.
I think that longman has put it very well. My presentation is mild, but the effects of aspergers on my life are anything but mild. And when I was a child, my presentation was far more obvious, but no name was given for my condition back then. My parents knew that I was not a 'normal' child. At nursury school I was assessed as having motor delay: I was slow in learning how to dress myself and I could not do the most basic of jigsaws. My parents were later told that I had severe non-verbal perceptual and spatial awareness difficulties. Eye-contact was deemed to be poor at one assessment, although good in another, and my parents were told that I was both 'physically and emotionally immature'. I had poor organization abilities, tending to put everything in one place at school, and I was not good at team sports like netball.
I only made one 'friend' in my class at primary school. But the quality of this friendship was poor. I often broke up with my 'friend' because I did not want anyone else to talk with her. I was very possessive. I spent many a playtime on my own, running around, playing my own games, annoying people in the process.
At secondary school I made more of an effort to fit in, but my social ineptitude was misconstrued as simple shyness. I remember noticing how easy it was for the other girls to converse with one another, and I questioned why it was that I find communication so difficult. I still do, but I have developed coping mechanisms that can effectively hide my aspergers. But at least I have been diagnosed and so finally have a name for my problems
This seems to be the problem frequently manifest when young adults seeks support services post transition but are deemed at an interview to be perfectly capable because they "present" well over 15 or 20 minutes, when they may not do so well looked at over hours, days or weeks. Or where people are deemed to have benefitted from a course of medication or therapy, but still cannot fit into a social situation, which is a fundamental cause of the stress and anxiety thdey were being treated for.
The Autism Act, and the reviews/consultations following, such as health and social services, don't seem to be picking up on this issue. They still define autism and aspergers as people who present obvious symptoms or present obvious difficulties that need support. If you don't "present" the expected symptoms you don't have autism/aspergers or at best are deemed "mild".
It is certainly perplexing. I guess I'm in the mild or managing category, though the words used were "good coping strategies". I didn't know the cause when I was younger but I certainly didn't present well. I've improved a lot over time in formal situations. I still have no social life, close friendships or relationships, and am bar my own efforts naturally reclusive, but that doesn't "present" most of the time in formal everyday situations. An interview would not show up any sign of aspergers.
So has the Autism Act mauybe missed a trick?
please have a look at this post to see if it helps clarify a bit
Has your daughter ever had a speech and language therapist? My son was refered to them first and she seems to push everything along. The speech therapist put into place group sessions where he was learning about social interactions through play.
Also has the educational psychologist been involved at school, they work independently from the school, but try to help the school make the best provision for the child. It took six months to see her but it was worth it.
Hope that helps
Vic x
Hi Daisy,
I really think you need to get an appointment with the SENCO and the class teacher, but also you need to give them a copy of the diagnosis letter! Ok so they should have that BUT the school my son attends never recieved the letter.
Once they have the letter they can 'recognise' you daughters difficullties.
Good luck. x
it is a common expression - 'mild' autism, but it is of no real value. i would encourage you to invite the people at school to separate presentation and effects.
i always inform people about the difference between 'presentation' and 'effects' of autism. some people have what may accurately be described as 'mild presentation of ASD symptoms' but it is absolutely wrong to make the assumption that the effects of autism on such a person are also 'mild'.
my presentation is 'mild' but the difficulties i suffer are most definitely not.
