How others see us ‍♀️

Firstly, as the Elephant in the Room i rarely get seen, and I rarely allow my true self to be seen.

With everything going on at the moment - i am praised for being "so strong", "super organised and efficient" but they don't see that I can deal with the practical stuff, but emotionally I am on my knees.

I am seen as able, articulate, witty (at times), erudite, practical, tenacious... but at heart I am a child terrified and needing a really big hug and a cry!

I can give you a hug, a virtual one, and maybe a real one when I see you soon,  and you definitely have permission to cry. You don’t have to even know why you’re crying, in fact, it’s better that you don’t know why, because we can have a tendency to talk ourselves out of it and to rationalise it. 

I’m a child at heart. I said to my support worker, I can work etc and do those things but it’s the basics of simple daily living, that I have never learned. It’s like I’m a 6 year old or something who has been thrown into this adult life. But tiny step by tiny step, it’s becoming easier, as I learn to keep things in the moment. 

But sometimes, we just have to cry, even if it’s only to acknowledge all that we’re going through, that nobody but us can know. That part of us needs recognition and sometimes, the best way to do that is with being bucketloads of tears. 

We have to learn to be the loving parents  we never had, who sees our struggles and appreciates them. With one of my support workers, just last week, in fact, the support worker I’m talking about on this thread, we realised that I’ve never been patented. I came out of the womb, in charge, and continued to be so in my life both to my detriment and my good. But I’ve never actually been parented, so I’m learning to do that, now. 

Once you come through this Eli (and I always see you, even when I’m not in the room), you have got lots to look forward to, I promise you that. But just now, you need hugs, love and lots of compassion. Narcissist abuse is so complex and right now, you’re in the thick of it, so you only have room (head space) to make sense of what you need to to hold it together, But if you feel you can, it’s goid to cry, but I know that there have been times in my life, where crying had to be on pause, just to get through it. 

But if it helps, I’m sending hugs. I’ll send an angel, to hold you in her soft wings, and hold you and hold you and hold you, with no questions asked, with undying love and compassion, until you’re ready for her to start loosening her hold. 

And don’t be afraid to shatter other people’s views of you. I’ve found that when that happens, people either don’t know what to do, so they’ll walk away, or they will open up to you and create a space that never existed before, and they’re the ones you want to stick around. It’s a bit scary to let others in, but it has benefits, when we connect to the right people. And the right people are the ones that don’t walk away. Friends come in all shapes and sizes, I’m finding, and even though friends are still a bit (or a lot) alien and scary to me, I’m kind of warning to them, because they bring great benefits. And one is, we get to feel we’re not alone. Sending hugs X

I can give you a hug, a virtual one, and maybe a real one when I see you soon,  and you definitely have permission to cry. You don’t have to even know why you’re crying, in fact, it’s better that you don’t know why, because we can have a tendency to talk ourselves out of it and to rationalise it. 

I’m a child at heart. I said to my support worker, I can work etc and do those things but it’s the basics of simple daily living, that I have never learned. It’s like I’m a 6 year old or something who has been thrown into this adult life. But tiny step by tiny step, it’s becoming easier, as I learn to keep things in the moment. 

But sometimes, we just have to cry, even if it’s only to acknowledge all that we’re going through, that nobody but us can know. That part of us needs recognition and sometimes, the best way to do that is with being bucketloads of tears. 

We have to learn to be the loving parents  we never had, who sees our struggles and appreciates them. With one of my support workers, just last week, in fact, the support worker I’m talking about on this thread, we realised that I’ve never been patented. I came out of the womb, in charge, and continued to be so in my life both to my detriment and my good. But I’ve never actually been parented, so I’m learning to do that, now. 

Once you come through this Eli (and I always see you, even when I’m not in the room), you have got lots to look forward to, I promise you that. But just now, you need hugs, love and lots of compassion. Narcissist abuse is so complex and right now, you’re in the thick of it, so you only have room (head space) to make sense of what you need to to hold it together, But if you feel you can, it’s goid to cry, but I know that there have been times in my life, where crying had to be on pause, just to get through it. 

But if it helps, I’m sending hugs. I’ll send an angel, to hold you in her soft wings, and hold you and hold you and hold you, with no questions asked, with undying love and compassion, until you’re ready for her to start loosening her hold. 

And don’t be afraid to shatter other people’s views of you. I’ve found that when that happens, people either don’t know what to do, so they’ll walk away, or they will open up to you and create a space that never existed before, and they’re the ones you want to stick around. It’s a bit scary to let others in, but it has benefits, when we connect to the right people. And the right people are the ones that don’t walk away. Friends come in all shapes and sizes, I’m finding, and even though friends are still a bit (or a lot) alien and scary to me, I’m kind of warning to them, because they bring great benefits. And one is, we get to feel we’re not alone. Sending hugs X