My Daughter wont use a public toilet, i dont know what to do...

I had acute difficulty using public toilets well into my twenties and it was really hard to break out of this pattern as it was obviously "inconvenient". It meant I took a long time over it, or would walk further to find a better option. Part of it was the cleanliness, which did worry me and necessitated cleaning the environment, but also the smells.

However I long put this down to bullying at school. The toilets were where I was often extremely vulnerable, (also changing rooms for gym and sport and communal washing areas/showers and baths). It was where the covert smokers, the adolescent semi-criminal activity and the more disruptive sort hung out, so fear of attack and ambush was a big issue. I am very sensitive to movement in my peripheral vision and toilets involve proximity to others moving just on the margins of vision.

Also toilets form a major factor in schoolkids' humour and that must have an impact on those on the spectrum who may have difficulty understanding the humour.

I agree with the last comment. My daughter had the same problem with using public toilets for about a year. We had a potty we took everywhere that she was happy to use but I would also get her to come in the toilets when I went (emphasising that she didn't have to go as well). I realised after a while that it was because the seat was dirty or it had something in the toilet. She will now use a toilet when we're out and about but I have to flush it first and she has to see me clean the toilet seat. She also doesn't like having dirty hands or face. If your daughter is the same, the cleanliness of the toilets could be an issue for her too.

I think it will be Aspergers.

Have you tried actually asking her what is wrong and how it can be fixed?

It could be as easy as teaching her how to clean the toilets properly and carrying own toilet roll, as the most common fear is due to dirt. This could be brought on by seeing the vandalism etc.

I was similar (male) and would not use toilets other than my family's or perfectly clean ones, still do to this day.

Hi Katie22,

Thanks for your reply   It's a really encouraging post.

I met up with some of the professionals surrounding my Daughter today and toilet problems was one of the issues we discussed.  We will be looking into getting a mini porta loo for the car and having a lot of patience basically.  She managed to use a disabled toilet in our local leisure center recently only due to one of her gymnastics pals encouraging her.  The toilet is very large and the hand dryers are no where near the toilet.  Maybe we can try and get her to try another toilet with her gym pal, we'll see.

Thanks again

Hi ceejaydi,

My son is 6 years old and was not able to use any toilets apart from our own up until the age of almost five. He had the same fears as your daughter e.g. toilets flushing, hand dryers and small cubicles. We had to carry a small potty everywhere we went and never forced the issue. When he started at a speech and language unit, the staff, although supportive, had never come across this issue. Slowly but surely, the staff would allow my son to look inside the toilet door whilst he was in full control of the situation. After a lot of patience and many weeks (possibly months) my son started to enter the toilets and eventually started to use them as long as the hand dryers were not turned on and the doors remained open. When my son started to gain in confidence, the staff  would take another couple of children along to the toilet with my son and he started to realise that he had nothing to fear. At the time I never thought my son would enter a public toilet, let alone use one. He's still not keen on hand dryers but two weeks ago whilst in our local parks toilets, with lots of patience and explanations from me he actually used one to dry his hands.

I hope this reply gives you hope. It is possible, given time, your daughter will get over this fear, as did my son.

Hi Spiritwind, thanks for the advice : )  i think the porta potti is a fantastic idea, will try it out. but unfortunatly we cant allways get back to our car i.e if we are out for the day trip i.e. legoland etc  for short days out this sounds great but im unsure what to do when we are far away from our car.

hi my son who is 9 wont use toilets in school at all wait till he comes home every day

Hi Ceejaydj,

Just wanted to let you know that I've moved this discussion over to the 'Parents and carers' section. Other parents are likely to have been through the same issues as you and your likely to get more responses there.

Hope that's okay.

dont worry about it i wont so there nothing wrong with her

Hi Ceejaydj

My Grandson had a similar problem. We bought large sunshades for our car and a porta potti. Every time he needed to go we went back to the car locked ourselves in, pulled down the shades, played gentle music and he used the PP.

If you do not have a car then this will not help you, but it worked for us being better than the problems not going to toilet caused.