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My Daughter wont use a public toilet, i dont know what to do...

ceejaydj

Hi,

I have a 4 1/2 year old Daughter that has social and communication difficulties with anxiety and she is awaiting assessment for a possible diagnosis of Autism. 

There are many many problems that we have to help her with and to be fair we have been given lots of help and advice but one thing that has coused problems for us and our Daughter over the last few years is going to the loo.

She will only use our toilet or her grandparents toilets.  If we go out somewhere for the day she will keep it in, i have'nt a clue how she manges it but she does.  It has resulted in infections in the past but the fear of using a public toilet is too much for her to handle.

She doesnt like the noise of the hand dryers, the size of the cubicle, the toilet paper etc basically its got to the point now that when i know she need the toilet and try to take her to one out and about, as soon as she sees the toilet sign she gets really anxious and crys.

We have tryed putting her in pull up nappies which ease her anxiety but she will not use them.

I have managed to purchase a special key for disabled toilets, but she wont use them either.  I really feel for her as it does take over her day when we go anywhere i.e. we went to a farm park the other week and she constantly told me where the toilets are and that she didnt need to go and was asking if i wanted to go (which i cant unless someone is with me).  She becomes obssessed with wanting to know where they are and obviously trying to avoid them.

Has anyone else been in this situation?  Any advice would be great thank you

Parents

  • Hi ceejaydi,

    My son is 6 years old and was not able to use any toilets apart from our own up until the age of almost five. He had the same fears as your daughter e.g. toilets flushing, hand dryers and small cubicles. We had to carry a small potty everywhere we went and never forced the issue. When he started at a speech and language unit, the staff, although supportive, had never come across this issue. Slowly but surely, the staff would allow my son to look inside the toilet door whilst he was in full control of the situation. After a lot of patience and many weeks (possibly months) my son started to enter the toilets and eventually started to use them as long as the hand dryers were not turned on and the doors remained open. When my son started to gain in confidence, the staff  would take another couple of children along to the toilet with my son and he started to realise that he had nothing to fear. At the time I never thought my son would enter a public toilet, let alone use one. He's still not keen on hand dryers but two weeks ago whilst in our local parks toilets, with lots of patience and explanations from me he actually used one to dry his hands.

    I hope this reply gives you hope. It is possible, given time, your daughter will get over this fear, as did my son.

Reply

  • Hi ceejaydi,

    My son is 6 years old and was not able to use any toilets apart from our own up until the age of almost five. He had the same fears as your daughter e.g. toilets flushing, hand dryers and small cubicles. We had to carry a small potty everywhere we went and never forced the issue. When he started at a speech and language unit, the staff, although supportive, had never come across this issue. Slowly but surely, the staff would allow my son to look inside the toilet door whilst he was in full control of the situation. After a lot of patience and many weeks (possibly months) my son started to enter the toilets and eventually started to use them as long as the hand dryers were not turned on and the doors remained open. When my son started to gain in confidence, the staff  would take another couple of children along to the toilet with my son and he started to realise that he had nothing to fear. At the time I never thought my son would enter a public toilet, let alone use one. He's still not keen on hand dryers but two weeks ago whilst in our local parks toilets, with lots of patience and explanations from me he actually used one to dry his hands.

    I hope this reply gives you hope. It is possible, given time, your daughter will get over this fear, as did my son.

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