Published on 12, July, 2020
I don't know if it is even possible to improve your ability to read people's feelings, but if there is I would like to try it.
I am in my mid-60's and have Asperger's; although it didn't have a name when I was born. I have recently attended a mediation course but found it very difficult. I found that I cannot work out how somebody sitting in front of me is feeling speedily enough to be an effective mediator. Given a few seconds to analyse the words they used and to think about their physical expressions; I can work out how they are probably feeling and plan a suitable response. However, this makes for a very disjointed conversation.
Has anybody come across a technique that I could be taught or learn from a book (a book that is showing my age) to speed up my internal processing? Before the course, I had suspected I might have a problem, but I hadn't realised how much it would limit my ability. It hasn't been a significant issue before.
All suggestions gratefully recieved
Have you tried going somewhere, coffee shops are good for this, and just observing the people and trying to work out what you can about them from that? Try and make a quick guess at what you think is going on, and then observe for longer to see whether your hypothesis appears correct or not. When you see the thing that gives it away, if you were wrong, then think back and try and see if you missed anything that could've helped you make the right deduction sooner. If you were right, what was it that you picked up on that meant you were right? Try different places, different times of day etc. Take a book - it's amazing how much you can go unnoticed with the help of a suitable tome - my favourite is large undergraduate maths textbooks :-).
I suspect it's a skill you can only develop through sustained reflective practice.
Follow this simple rule..
Neurotypical = I’m ok
Neurodiverse = not ok
unless the above is not true :(
Here's the link to the micro-expressions video:
m.youtube.com/watch
I watched a video on micro-expressions the other day. It was really informative and potentially useful but hard to listen to as the guy spoke so quickly! I was also a bit dubious because it was connected with dating in some way.
Setting these concerns aside I could see the usefulness of being able to see and decipher micro-expressions in situations where I need to know what people are feeling. If I can find the link again I will add it below.
I don't know if this helps, but I can only figure out what people are feeling by asking sincerely how they are. Not the superficial 'how are you - bla' but in earnest.
And then people give me all kinds of information about themselves right away. Or they start off by saying something which seems trivial and then I continue asking till I have figured out what is bothering them.
If I don't have a conversation like that, and I need to guess about their feelings, I always think people are tired :-D And I really cannot do the social talk
I suppose that kind of deep conversation is what you kind of need in a mediation course?