Feeling So Low

I'm new on here but I'm listening too. I don't think any doctor would intentionall make you feel like you need to cut deeper. I've heard putting your hands in a bucket of ice can be quite painful without harming you. Do you do any sports? Climbing or cycling work wondes for me. Both can be quite solitary if you don't want to be around folks. 

hi joe she didn't encourage me to cut deeper it was just the way she said oh they're only superficial cuts and that started buzzing round my head i wasn't doing it right hence 3 very deep cuts on each arm this morning and a trip to A&E to get them seen to as they wouldn't stop bleeding felt awful for wasting the hospitals time back home now tho

can't do ice as i have reynauds (poor circulation in my hands) ive tried the elastic bands but that's just a fleeting pain cutting means i get to experience a longer pain sensation

I have heard from other people about how poorly A&E staff can react to self-harm. For someone who's had an accident, sure, it's probably nice for them to hear that their injuries aren't so serious, but it's completely the wrong reaction for someone who has injured themself deliberately. A friend's partner who is a nurse has commented how difficult it is for hospital staff to access mental health teams quickly for patients who need them; a quick discharge with instructions to contact your GP etc. is really not good enough.

Try not to feel guilty about going to the hospital (I know that's easier said than done); you are not to blame for the difficulties of autism or for having mental health problems, and you are not to blame for there being too little help to overcome them.

Look after yourself as best you can, and best wishes.

I have heard from other people about how poorly A&E staff can react to self-harm. For someone who's had an accident, sure, it's probably nice for them to hear that their injuries aren't so serious, but it's completely the wrong reaction for someone who has injured themself deliberately. A friend's partner who is a nurse has commented how difficult it is for hospital staff to access mental health teams quickly for patients who need them; a quick discharge with instructions to contact your GP etc. is really not good enough.

Try not to feel guilty about going to the hospital (I know that's easier said than done); you are not to blame for the difficulties of autism or for having mental health problems, and you are not to blame for there being too little help to overcome them.

Look after yourself as best you can, and best wishes.

my dad always used to say you don't know a man till you've walked a mile in his shoes i always thought the professionals knew best but you're right only someone who suffers knows the true extent

thank you for all your wise advice trog

That's very kind of you to say, thankyou. If I do know more, then it's because I've had some good therapy, and, mostly, because I've been hanging around on forums like this one ever since my diagnosis (about 4 years now.) The professionals concentrate on the autistic behaviour that you can see from outside too much, and usually only the things that are useful for diagnosis or practical support. Only people who've lived the experience really know just how far and wide the effects go, and what it feels like from the inside. I'm very thankful for the many generous people here and elsewhere who've taught me what I know; I'd still be just as confused as on my diagnosis day if it weren't for them.

A lot of autistic behaviours can sometimes look like other, more common, things; so professionals who are more used to dealing with those things can make the wrong assumptions (I was told I only had depression and GAD for nearly 30 years, by more professionals than I care to count.) It's not so much that your social worker is a bad one, just that he's unlikely to understand autism deeply enough. The mark of a good worker is that they'll take your opinions into account when making a plan; it should be you who decides what problems are the highest priority. It's OK for him to help you with that decision, but not to ignore your wishes.

wow i wish you were my care worker you've said more sense in 1 paragraph than he has in 2 years you sound like you have a great knowledge of mental heath that makes perfect sense

Then your social worker should reconsider that plan. If you are self-harming, then dealing with your anxieties and childhood traumas should not be conditional on taking other therapies; you need help with those regardless of what other interventions might be useful.

It sounds like your social worker might have a common misconception. Our sensory and social difficulties are neurological; if being around other people more was all we needed, most of us wouldn't have these problems in the first place. They can't be treated as a purely psychological thing like a phobia, that will just go away through exposure therapy.  No matter how much practice we get or what we are taught, these skills will never be an instinct or intuition like they are for other people; they'll always take more effort, and we will need to use anxiety management skills to deal with them for the rest of our lives. The counselling could help you with those anxiety management skills, and so it may be essential that the counselling comes first, otherwise group therapy might do no good because you're too stressed out to benefit from it.

i see my care worker at home but he wants me to join social groups before he puts me forward for counselling

Hi I have seen mental health professionals an it's never been in a group. All one on one . 

Keep talking,,,you never know someone may have been through similar.

This community works as everyone has something to add, we all go through many difficult things in our lives,,, all different,,,so many factors to make us what we are,

 but we try and help if we can ,that’s what makes us special people,,,, 

a true community,,,a family of sorts,,,

Obviousely the suggestion of joining groups isn’t great,,, but do you have any “ special” interests or hobbies?

There are many groups that cater for so many things these days, wether it be macrame or upholstery .

at least that way the numbers may be low and everyone would be focused on the subject matter.

take care,

thank you ive really appreciated all the kind words and helpful advice i am trying to get counselling to deal with my childhood abuse which im sure is the cause of my self harm ive been doing it off and on since my teens and whenever my mental health breaks down i start cutting again but it's so dammed hard getting counselling it's been 2 years now and nothing my care worker keeps saying i will see what i can do but you need to engage in social activities and group and im doh i don't like socialising i hate being around other people its an assault on my senses but he just doesn't seem to understand even though he was the one who put me through for my asd as he said you really do seem to be autistic i just can't win

Hey Giddy,,,hang on in there mate,,,,

I haven’t any useful words for you other than there are plenty of people on here that wish you well, we may not all be able to say how much we care!

your here  and talking it through,,, that’s a big step right there, 

It is very sad that resources are so under staffed and funded, 

It seems it’s a stimulus thing,,, cutting equals a real sensation which in turn creates an internal feeling,,,of euphoria not numbness, 

It is a cycle that needs to change,,,easier said than done,,, to change it you first have to alter the reason behind doing it,,, 

I really feel for you,,I don’t know the answer but hope you eventually break the habit by finding something other than that.

• take care now.

thank you trog i really appreciate that i always try to avoid going hospital so as not to waste their time when its a completely avoidable injury i have an extensive first aid kit and have got quite adept at treating my own cuts but every now and then i go to deep and there is so much blood i can't manage to deal with it myself im always very apologetic when im seen as i know it was my own choice to injure myself but when im really down and anxious i simply can't stop myself from cutting it's got to the point now that ive damaged the nerves in my arms such that i barely feel the blade hence why i go too deep without realizing and then its too late though i admit this time i went deep on purpose.

the nurse did ask me if i wanted to speak to someone but i told her i already had mental health care.. not that they really do much i wish it was more like usa ive been in psychiatric wards 3 times but couldn't find me a bed so was sent home its just sad how under funded and staffed mental health is when its such a massive problem here