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The fine line between needing to be social and needing solitude.

Goatworshiper

Does anyone else have problems with this balancing act? If not I'm just getting this off my chest.

I feel odd when I'm with people, without being insulting towards other humans I find they frustrate the life out of me. I find people just don't really have much valid to say. At the moment I'm sick of hearing people being demonised for claiming benifits, by people who claim working tax credits, child tax credits etc. I'm not in a position were I personally need to claim benifits, however I'm not into the demonisation of the ill and unemployed. It's not only this issue, people just being wide of the mark on lots of topics, science denialist's tend to be particulary frustrating.

I'd like to get on with people a lot more, I enjoy being social (within my small circle of friends). But I just find people stupid, ignorant and inhumane. I'm generally misanthropic and tend to upset people quite frequently by telling them that human life is cheap and explaining about a history of slave labour, concentration camps etc. Well I say upset, I think it just annoys people as It questions thier humanitarian ideals. I suppose thier lies my problem, hypocritical humanist whom don't see that they treat humans particulary badly. For instance they want to save the world and help African children, but have a poor attitude to work colleages.

I went to Auschwitz recently and people seem perplexed that I didn't get upset from the visit. I find it very odd: when I here people talking about how they think other people should be dealt with for not working (and not conforming to thier belief system), I can easily see how something as big as Nazi Germany could escalate. I find it so odd that people think that work is the only important thing in life. Surely there has to be more to life than self regulated slavery?

Today I cut my grass with mp3 player on and it was just bliss. Solitude and the world blanked out.

Wierdly, I still crave some social activities even tho people frustrate the life out of me. 

  • Goatworshiper said:

    I had to do the sound at a staff conference with 450 people today. People were being inspired by "speakers" talking about entrepenourial (SP?) stuff. I hate business people with a passion, they talk in double speak & believe their very exsistence is a lie. Room was full, I had no desire to interact with a single person. On the upside; not wanting to mix allowed me to have full concentration, and I had a perfect mix with a great clarity, which in a huge sportshall is extremely difficult. 

    I see what you mean, the business world is a very alien world to me.  I really hate formal occasions when one has to dress and act in a certain way, I'm never sure how to act and I avoid them like the plaque.

    Getting back to the fine line between socialising and being alone, I manage to regulate this now, but I found it very difficult at University in the halls of residence because I didn't always feel like talking and often preferred to be on my own when cooking and eating my meals but there was always someone else there.  People didn't understand why I didn't always want to talk.

  • I meant to add:

    A person at work was leaving and he was upset as he is currently regarding the last 8 years as a waste. Basically he couldnt get any promotion or climb the career ladder. I introduced him to the can of lager and stick concept and he didnt get it, and became annoyed at me (not sure if I made them cry). Im not sure if it's because he didnt get it at all? Maybe they've never been on a rough estate, as the chap is was very well educated and has a financially secure life and is from a nice area (both now and as a child)? or he does not believe that a simpler life can satisfy? 

    I don't know, it's a shame people take themselves so seriously. I am however getting him a stick and a can of lager as a leaving giftCool

  • LoCommotion said:

    Anyone know the album Animals by Pink Floyd?  Says a lot about people.

    Yes it sums it entirely. I also like the lyrics on the song "Have a Cigar" were the record comapany executive is missing the point.

    I really like the use of "Mindless Copycat Syndrome", I will brandish that at some sheep tomorrow at work.

    I had to do the sound at a staff conference with 450 people today. People were being inspired by "speakers" talking about entrepenourial (SP?) stuff. I hate business people with a passion, they talk in double speak & believe their very exsistence is a lie. Room was full, I had no desire to interact with a single person. On the upside; not wanting to mix allowed me to have full concentration, and I had a perfect mix with a great clarity, which in a huge sportshall is extremely difficult. 

  • Yes, I have this problem, too.  On the one hand I want to go out because I approach it with the argument that it will do me good to get out and I do enjoy the company of some people, but socialising takes a lot of effort and it is always met with internal resistance.  When I go out I often have problems concentrating on the conversation if isn't interesting and I find myself switching off.  Then I conclude that there's absolutely no point in it and I prefer not to have the illusion of having company when really I'm on my own anyway, so the next time I decide to stay at home.

    I also find people shallow and I have an analytical and critical attitude towards society.  But I've learned to avoid the superficial kind of person and seek out those with whom I have some common interests so at least I can find something to talk about.  My favourite analogy to people is a heard of sheep where one follows the others blindly.  For example high heels.  Why wear footwear you can't walk in - that's what shoes are for, aren't they?  And they're probably damaging for your feet.  I've never understood this mentality and find that people lack critical thought.  I call this Mindless Copycat Syndrome (this doesn't exist, it's just a made up name.)  I've always been a very independent thinker who's always done their own thing and can't relate to it.

    Anyone know the album Animals by Pink Floyd?  Says a lot about people.

  • aquagirl2012 said:

    I know i should socialise and part of me wants to but it is soo hard i get so anxious going places, feel like my heads gunna explode when more than one person talks and hate talking on the phone. Its supposed to be fun and Im totally stressed out and cant wait till its over Undecided

     and I dont know if its just me or if anyone else finds this but I feel so strongly about things like morals and my special interests that I cant get on with someone who either doesnt have the same morals or isnt interested in what i have to say I find it soo irritating and annoying.

    I hate talking on the phone. I don't mind going out, but standing in ques make me feel very nervous, it's a countdown to small talk and I hate it. Starbucks especially, as the names are so long and silly and always results in small talk. However I love the coffe and have to put up with it.

    I'm don't mind people having opposing morals if they are open to listen to others points of view, but I do find it difficult to be around people who are rigid in view. For instance I find it difficult to be around people who are ex-forces. I find them boring and most of the morals are based on nationalism/judeo-christianity. I get annoyed at people who don't know why they have strong moral standpoints. I accept their points of veiw, but I think a lot of it is hatred and jealousy but they deny it.

  • Sounds amazing, Ive heard of Ableton I must admit I havent its something Ive never tried. I love listening to music almost every type and i have written some lyrics, I havent actually made the music before though it sounds brilliant :-) would you like to work with music?

  • .....techno ish, with a garage swing, with a sort of wonky funk, with a nice bass, and sort of 'jackin' along..... I resample and chop alot.....working in Ableton.....and have got hundreds of tracks on the go. I just keep moving between them. dividing up ideas. Do you make music?

  • Jon said:

    [quote][/quote]

    I know i should socialise and part of me wants to but it is soo hard i get so anxious going places, feel like my heads gunna explode when more than one person talks and hate talking on the phone. Its supposed to be fun and Im totally stressed out and cant wait till its over Undecided

    I don't even answer the phone nearly almost all of the time. I hate talking on it. Especially if I don't know who it will be on the other end and what they want to talf about. If its my mobile I can see if its my partner ringing so I might get it. Texts are OK, although I have to think hard about how to reply. One aspect of a phone call I don't like is that I don't know where its is going. It is jsut a blank. If I am making a call about something straight forward (an order or appointment) then I can just blunder on through, but if the topic goes off track then that can get tricky as I have not planned for that. It is not on the list I have made.

    I do enjoy my own company more, i like the peace to go on my computer, read or sew and just be me stress free for a while even just watching some telly.

     

    I really can relate to that. Having that  space/place where you can just do your own thing. Safe with no interuptions. I paint, but more recently I have been spending most of my spare time making tracks on my laptop. Being able to focus on something and cut out the world is fundamental in feeling OK.

    Yeah i find texts ok but it can sometimes take me a few times of rewriting it before i decide to send it.
    Exactly appointments or something quick like that so i know wot i have to say isnt to bad, but if its a conversation its like a nightmare by the time i get off the phone im exhausted and worrying if i said something wrong.

    Yeah its like creating a bubble or haven around yourself to protect you from the world i guess nothing else exhists at that point just you doing what makes you feel happy i think we definitly need that time.
    Its nice to know someone feels the same :-) wot tracks have you been making?

  • aquagirl2012 said:

    I know i should socialise and part of me wants to but it is soo hard i get so anxious going places, feel like my heads gunna explode when more than one person talks and hate talking on the phone. Its supposed to be fun and Im totally stressed out and cant wait till its over Undecided

    I don't even answer the phone nearly almost all of the time. I hate talking on it. Especially if I don't know who it will be on the other end and what they want to talf about. If its my mobile I can see if its my partner ringing so I might get it. Texts are OK, although I have to think hard about how to reply. One aspect of a phone call I don't like is that I don't know where its is going. It is jsut a blank. If I am making a call about something straight forward (an order or appointment) then I can just blunder on through, but if the topic goes off track then that can get tricky as I have not planned for that. It is not on the list I have made.

    I do enjoy my own company more, i like the peace to go on my computer, read or sew and just be me stress free for a while even just watching some telly.

     

    I really can relate to that. Having that  space/place where you can just do your own thing. Safe with no interuptions. I paint, but more recently I have been spending most of my spare time making tracks on my laptop. Being able to focus on something and cut out the world is fundamental in feeling OK.

  • I struggle with the same thing.

    Thanks for this thread reading it made me realise its not just me Smile

    I know i should socialise and part of me wants to but it is soo hard i get so anxious going places, feel like my heads gunna explode when more than one person talks and hate talking on the phone. Its supposed to be fun and Im totally stressed out and cant wait till its over Undecided

     and I dont know if its just me or if anyone else finds this but I feel so strongly about things like morals and my special interests that I cant get on with someone who either doesnt have the same morals or isnt interested in what i have to say I find it soo irritating and annoying.

    I do enjoy my own company more, i like the peace to go on my computer, read or sew and just be me stress free for a while even just watching some telly.

     

  • Jon said:

    Ah, I see. Sort of. Smile

    I find it very hard to get the right level of being social and needing solitude, as a lot of users on this forum do. Life is complicated. In some rougher areas (such as were I live), lots of people, typically chav's seem to be very content. Some of these chav's seem to be happy, holding or dragging a stick in one hand and consuming lager. This kind of simple life, I am envious off.

    So in the photo: The ape represents the human, we decend from apes and the ape is beheaving in a "simple" form. The hat and gold represent that it's a chav. The stick and the stella is relating to what I've just said. Richard Attenbrough is comenting on the chav's mating and behaviour like a nature documentry. 

  • Goatworshiper said:

    Sticks and cans of larger are the way forward. I've seen people in blissful utopia with these two objects, Im sure it brings out the inner primate.

    It is from an earlier conversation in this topic. The rightly concerned looking chap is David Attenborough.

    The more I look at it the more I feel its a good representation of how I see the wider world. Just cut out David and paste me in there as the confused on looker.

  • spektral said:

    Sorry to interupt your conversation but I have a little something for you Goatworshiper.

    Killed 30 minutes of a boring Wednesday evening!

    Any ideas for a title? I am pretty rubbish at witty one liners....Foot in Mouth

    I know I 'should' know who the man is........?

    Why does the primate have a can of Stella?

  • spektral said:

    Sorry to interupt your conversation but I have a little something for you Goatworshiper.

    Killed 30 minutes of a boring Wednesday evening!

    Any ideas for a title? I am pretty rubbish at witty one liners....Foot in Mouth

    Thats utterly fantastic Cool

    Im not particulary good with title's/witty one liner's.

    Provisionally it shall be called: "The Road to Enlightenment - The Urban Jungle, An Urban Utopia"

  • Sorry to interupt your conversation but I have a little something for you Goatworshiper.

    Killed 30 minutes of a boring Wednesday evening!

    Any ideas for a title? I am pretty rubbish at witty one liners....Foot in Mouth

  • I think for both of those points i went with the "acceptance" model. 

    A lot of things you say make sense, it is a joy when you meet someone truly open minded and intersting. Like a lottery win.

  • Haythml said:

    I decided to, for example, look at religion and faith as a whole and try listening to everyones viewpoint. Previously I felt I had some right to tell people they were wrong, and would argue and argue.

    That wasn't  social interaction, that was me spouting. 

    While admittedly I sometimes rant, I tend to find I rant in frustration. For instance I can listen, I love being introduced to new concepts to do with thought and outlook. I'm really honest and open in the sense that I claim nothing is absolute. It is each individuals perception of reality/spirituality, and it is thier right to participate in whatever they choose. The frustration for me kicks in when I find people are completely rigid in outlook, when I hit this, it is when I tend to point them to the arbitary nature of thier outlook and even admit some of mine is this way. I find lots of people are one dimensional, when they are claiming to be "cultured" or "creative" or "innovative" but are rigid in outlook I just despair.

    This is just one topic but it can happen on many

     Sustaining a conversation is tiring and feels like acting.

    This sentance jumped out at me. I talk to people at work all the time and this is exactly how I feel. Sometimes I go home and I can't remember a single conversation as it's just so boring. Occasional I might bang into some one interesting, but that is very very rare. 

  • I say no friends: I mean, I have acquaintances who can loosely be called friends, but proper friendship requires more, and I struggle to give more.

  • On the one hand I am very social (yes, I have aspergers!). I am fanatically interested in people's lives, which probably explains why I enjoy History. I love finding out what people do every day: what they eat, where they go on holiday etc. I love the detail, and I find myself analysing them. I keep an extensive diary where I note what others have told me. I am often questioning people.  However, I also enjoy holding forth and talking at length about intellectual interests. Because I feel most relaxed with people I know, it is with these people that I tend to start lecturing - 'getting into lecture mode' as I call it. With people who I don't know so well, I am more reserved.

    I can come across as very social. I am indeed better at socialising than I was at school, when I had nothing to talk about. But I have no friends and struggle with the whole concept of friendship. I find it very hard putting other people's needs before my own. And I hate parties, unstructured socialising, and like spending long periods of time on my own.