Autism and Vulnerability

As someone autistic, I know how vulnerable I can be at times.

I have to think hard to understand that things may not be as they seem.

There have been posts here recently about 'friendship' and dating.  From a general point of view there are several things to look out for where others could take advantage of autistic traits. And one of them is someone who says they are neurotypical but are looking for someone autistic.

This begs the question 'Why?'  I think we would all be very suspicious of a middle aged man who said he wanted to meet girls of thirteen or fourteen.  It woujld immediately send alarm bells ringing.  And by the same token we should be very wary if someone says they are neurotypical and then wishes to make friends with and date autistic people.  My thoughts of this that spring to mind are that it may be someone who wishes to take advantage of autistic naiivity, someone who wants to lead us gradually to places we are not comfortable.  Add to the mix the first thing they say is that they want to see pictures of us and we are getting into very dangerous territory if we are not careful.

Our details could be shared with any number of strangers, the word could get out of our vulnerabilities which have been coaxed out of us and this used by any number of people to exploit us.  And just because someone says they live in Birmingham or Manchester or wherever, does not mean it is true.  It could be to lead us into a false sense of security, 

And then there are the 'hard-luck' stories.  Who can forget the 'Nigerian' emails of a few years ago where untold riches were promised in return for a sum of money to release funds.  And then the emails purporting to be from a bank.  Such things are getting more and more sophisticated. We could give our details to any number of people who want to exploit us through befriending just one person.

Several years ago  an email which purported to be from a loved one, saying they were trapped in a foreign country and needed money immediately to get home.  The address was got from harvesting addresses from a friends computer.  And I have suspicions that befriending some of these people might also lead to such hard luck stories or similar.

It is very difficult to tell who is genuine and who is not but we should all be very careful.  I know it is difficult to say that all posts asking for dating should be removed.  But I believe this should be done in order to protect us.  This forum should not be a dating site.  And none of us should reveal personal details to anyone until we are absolutely certain that someone is bona fide.  To do otherwise could have tragic consequences.

The following song is quite relevant:

Add me by Chumbawamba

Parents Reply
  • You haven't upset anyone, not even once from what I can tell! I've never used a dating site. They feel too random to me. I like to get a look and jist of a person before I'd feel comfortable of any form of dating. I feel like an alien a lot of the time. Some women like aliens! Have you ever thought about that?

    Thank you very much for letting me know!

    I just feel that on dating websites people have some kind of small talk rules I really struggle to understand. It looks like to me that most of the people like playing games. I am too serious for that.

    I am horrible at small talk and I do not like it.

    I also feel like an alien a lot of the time. It is not just on the dating websites.

    I also would like to know more about the person before meeting him.

    I would love someone similar to me as a partner. I think there must be someone out there who would really like me.