As someone autistic, I know how vulnerable I can be at times.
I have to think hard to understand that things may not be as they seem.
There have been posts here recently about 'friendship' and dating. From a general point of view there are several things to look out for where others could take advantage of autistic traits. And one of them is someone who says they are neurotypical but are looking for someone autistic.
This begs the question 'Why?' I think we would all be very suspicious of a middle aged man who said he wanted to meet girls of thirteen or fourteen. It woujld immediately send alarm bells ringing. And by the same token we should be very wary if someone says they are neurotypical and then wishes to make friends with and date autistic people. My thoughts of this that spring to mind are that it may be someone who wishes to take advantage of autistic naiivity, someone who wants to lead us gradually to places we are not comfortable. Add to the mix the first thing they say is that they want to see pictures of us and we are getting into very dangerous territory if we are not careful.
Our details could be shared with any number of strangers, the word could get out of our vulnerabilities which have been coaxed out of us and this used by any number of people to exploit us. And just because someone says they live in Birmingham or Manchester or wherever, does not mean it is true. It could be to lead us into a false sense of security,
And then there are the 'hard-luck' stories. Who can forget the 'Nigerian' emails of a few years ago where untold riches were promised in return for a sum of money to release funds. And then the emails purporting to be from a bank. Such things are getting more and more sophisticated. We could give our details to any number of people who want to exploit us through befriending just one person.
Several years ago an email which purported to be from a loved one, saying they were trapped in a foreign country and needed money immediately to get home. The address was got from harvesting addresses from a friends computer. And I have suspicions that befriending some of these people might also lead to such hard luck stories or similar.
It is very difficult to tell who is genuine and who is not but we should all be very careful. I know it is difficult to say that all posts asking for dating should be removed. But I believe this should be done in order to protect us. This forum should not be a dating site. And none of us should reveal personal details to anyone until we are absolutely certain that someone is bona fide. To do otherwise could have tragic consequences.
The following song is quite relevant:
Add me by Chumbawamba
Thank you for this thread.
I really like it. Thank you for the warnings to be careful.
I think this thread is at least partially because of me.
I will try not to write about dating anymore. I am really sorry.
Hi, don't think you need to be sorry, you haven't upset anyone really. I'd think it's o.k. to talk about dating as a subject, but for trying to find a date it's just not the right platform, as that one moderator explained a long time ago, and that hasn't really changed.
I'm not really convinced about dating websites generally, don't think it would work for me, I'm just way too slow, I can't start with trying to find someone to date, for me it has to start with someone I can observe for some time first, then become friends and keep it that way for some time, otherwise I don't get interested in others in a way that I would want them to get any closer to me. But suppose everybody is different there.
oktanol said:I'm not really convinced about dating websites generally, don't think it would work for me
I have the same problem.
When I was on dating sites, I felt like an alien there all the time. I do not think that they are for me.
You haven't upset anyone, not even once from what I can tell! I've never used a dating site. They feel too random to me. I like to get a look and jist of a person before I'd feel comfortable of any form of dating. I feel like an alien a lot of the time. Some women like aliens! Have you ever thought about that?
Cloudy Mountains said:You haven't upset anyone, not even once from what I can tell! I've never used a dating site. They feel too random to me. I like to get a look and jist of a person before I'd feel comfortable of any form of dating. I feel like an alien a lot of the time. Some women like aliens! Have you ever thought about that?
Thank you very much for letting me know!
I just feel that on dating websites people have some kind of small talk rules I really struggle to understand. It looks like to me that most of the people like playing games. I am too serious for that.
I am horrible at small talk and I do not like it.
I also feel like an alien a lot of the time. It is not just on the dating websites.
I also would like to know more about the person before meeting him.
I would love someone similar to me as a partner. I think there must be someone out there who would really like me.
Most people I know that fall for someone generally say that they fell for someone because they didn't make small talk. They tend to hit it off straight away. I can say myself that I've also found this the case. I once met a girl when I went out drunk to a watch a film alone. There were 5 people in the picture house. I found a shot particularly amazing and went "Wow" under my breath. She was in the row in front, and she turned back and said "I know, right!". I came out at the end and she we got talking about the directors filmography. We totally geeked out for a while then I asked her if she wanted to carry on in the pub. She was AS and I didn't get diagnosed until 16 years after we met. It kind of makes sense now but you will find someone who it isn't hard to speak to. That's the whole point of being with someone. Not finding it hard to speak to them. If you are having trouble speaking, your intuition is probably telling you the right thing.