Published on 12, July, 2020
For me, loneliness varies widely.
I can be totally alone at home all day. Not speaking to anyone. Yet not feel lonely.
At other times I'm surrounded by people, all communicating, but I feel completely alone and very very lonely.
School was a loneliness nightmare. Children all around me. But I was totally alone year after year
Yesterday I felt almost ok. Heard a sad song on the radio and suddenly the loneliness hit me.
I feel very lonely right now. We have family over so there are 11 people in the house instead of the normal 5, it's loud and smelly, some one is wearing a very strong perfume or aftershave. Very soon food will arrive, they are having Indian and some of them will have meat in their meal. I want to die.
Hang in there, Song. I know that feeling, and it's horrible. I'm alone now and am feeling settled after getting back from shops full of people.
Keep in touch through the evening, if you can.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the moment with my kindle fire talking to you all.
Thank you Martian Tom.
So if I post to much or am writing utter rubbish just forgive me please everyone
Christmas was a nightmare, I hated family gatherings and used to cry myself to sleep, without the family knowing, feeling so low and ashamed. It was so intense, now I know I have autism I can understand why. Sleep was one way of coping but these family parties went onto late, then when I reached my forties, I had enough and when everyone talks of family gatherings at Christmas, I just want to hibernate. I can put up with crowds to some degree but there are times when I hate being put on the spot and feel absolutely awkward.
I don't blame you, despite being the elder, you are entitled to a little bit of peace and quiet, we were taught to respect our older folks, especially my Nan's quiet times, which I liked, when she had her forty winks. Perhaps your husband will join you, if he understands? Forty winks meant that my Grandma wanted a short nap after lunch and we had to be quiet, Even as teens we respected that space, especially in her house, however my Nan did like a good party as she aged, which I hated.
Yes I will end up in there, but I am meant to be the elder here, well husband and i.
Sending loves and hugs to you, is there anywhere else you could go and do you have your own room?