Feeling so alone

That's a very good point! 

And certainly true - I sort of enjoy the knitting club at work, even though I say nothing to anyone beyond what I'm doing (usually something cute but useless as opposed to clothes for grandchildren) and they talk about pensions and grandchildren...

Hi Dean,

I was very much the same as you when I was your age. I was involved with people because they had been there a long time or who were using/manipulating me. It was genuinely one of the worst periods of my life- I think it's a big transition age and that's never great for us.

In our early 20s we go from an educational environment where everyone is expected to be friends with people because "hey, so-and-so is your age/in your class" to being expected to go out and meet people who share our interests and make actual meaningful (possibly lifelong) connections with them- very different and much more tricky!

What I did was force myself to join a social group that was aligned to my interests and forced me to do things in a group, but with an existing structure (it was geeky quizzes, board games and TCGs for me, possibly something different for you). It's a lot more natural than something like a dating site, where people go in with the intention of forming a close relationship quickly and there is therefore pressure! I don't really like the idea of dating sites for that reason.

I never really liked the idea of the autism-specific groups either to be honest, I thought it would be unlikely that we'd share interests "just because we're both autistic" and that was the most important thing for me. I find talking so much easier when it's about something I know about and can therefore predict to some extent. This is why I always meet new people who come to my shared house with one of my snakes present- they're always the first topic of conversation by virtue of existing in the room and I know everything about them! ;) 

So that's what I'd advise you to do- look for a group that shares your interests and go to it (there are websites that list local activity groups, e.g. meetup- a few of my friends found my groups through that). Take off the pressure to make friends and go to something you think you'll enjoy for its own sake, you'll find you're meeting people who share your interests and are therefore easier to interact with and befriend. Plus you'll probably be having fun even if the socialising side is difficult, if the group is devoted to something you enjoy as opposed to being explicitly a "come here and meet people" thing. :) 

Ah, I'm in the same part of the country as you  there's a board game group I go to that's always good fun. Really nice bunch of people, it's not a "geared towards autism" thing but I'm pretty certain a good few of us are on the spectrum.

PM if you're interested enough to want to know when and where (I'd rather not post it directly here because I don't like to make it too easy for any random person browsing the internet to physically locate me). x 

It's that thing where you can calculate how likely it is that for instance you will roll a 6 at least 5 times when you roll a dice 10 times. In school these were the sort of examples we used, which didn't seem particularly useful to me, even though i liked calculating it.

Hmmm, that's interesting.

Thank you! I will find out what that is.

I found a genuine use of binomial distribution calculations today. Sorry, maybe that's not the sort of maths you like but somehow it totally made my day :)

At the moment, I am feeling so alone.

Thank you for the reply, Dean.

I am interested in Astronomy, Mathematics, Geography, IT, nature, animals, science, history.

I am also interested in museums, [National] parks, mountains, Zoo, Libraries.

Mostly, peaceful and quiet places. I do not like noises and bright lights.

I am very interested in space documentaries and reading about space and other sci fi related topics.

I am very interested in time travel and alternate universes.

Hi, I felt lonely this morning and the other day too, after coming out on the ASD spectrum,  my trouble is that no one from the Monday Club in Leicester, who support people with autism have bothered to respond to my E-mails or phone calls.  I am going to call them again but then I read the small print, we are a charity and we may close due to cuts.  So I have to find my own social group, fortunately I love the knitting and crochet group which meets every Sunday, it may not be geared towards autistic people but at least I am with others who have a common interest.  I also planted a few flower seeds this morning and vegetable seeds for my little patch of green at the back of my house.  Social media is not the same is it, I am almost 52, single and live alone, having to manage my own life.  I am too capable and independent to come under the radar of social services either. When ever I feel low and dispirited, I go for walks and then at least I meet my neighbours.  Take care and look after yourself, you are not alone. Debs

Sorry for the late reply, i've been working. I would be interested in getting to know each other. What kind of things are you interested in?

Hi! I realise i'm not alone, and there are probably thousands of people that feel the same. Unfortunately, knowing this doesn't make me feel better or any less alone

oktanol said:

I can definitely see your problem with those groups, they don't really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult and would do much better one to one.

That is true! I find social interaction difficult. Those groups do not really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult.

I would do much better one to one. I strongly prefer one to one.

oktanol said:

you will just never find out because you are not good at initiating contact.

I am really bad at initiation contact.

I recognize myself in your post, Dean. You sound very similar to me. You are not alone.

I also often feel alone.

I am also looking for a friend and a partner.

We can become (online) friends. I also have never really had many friends. One at the time at best.

Dean said:

The only interaction I really get is with my family, however, this is at a point where (through no fault of their own) anything they do or say really frustrates me, because i'm around them way too much. I don't have an escape. I've been depressed for a while now, but with how lonely I'm feeling it is only getting worse.

I feel like this at work.

I understand your problem with the social groups. I also find social interaction really difficult. Those groups do not really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult.

I would do much better one to one. I strongly prefer one to one.

Maybe we have got similar interests? You sound to me like a really nice, interesting and polite person. I would be really interested to know you better.

Let me know if you are interested, please!

Hi Dean, just wanted to say that if you don't receive much comments tonight, it's not because because you just aren't worth a reply or nobody is interested or something, but quite the opposite actually. It's just rather a difficult and painful topic for anyone feeling like you do, and I'm quite sure there are plenty. Most of the time we try our best not to think about about it, to pretend we are o.k. 

I can definitely see your problem with those groups, they don't really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult and would do much better one to one. I heard someone say "they really like these groups" when she was talking about people with ASD and it made me wonder what proportion this "they" really represented. Sitting around in some cafe with a group I don't know to start with sounds awful too, and I'm sure there are others that feel the same about it. Or some national befriending scheme (just via email) would befriend me with someone who has an interest in autism - they can't befriend me with someone who actually has it themselves because they have to protect vulnerable people (that's me in that case)... Somehow these things are not really working for many of the people they are aimed at.

Don't really know what to suggest, I'm really sorry. I don't know anything for myself but even if I did I'm not sure it would help you, at least I usually get more upset with the advice others give me because it doesn't work for me. But are you interested in something, whatever it may be? Maybe you could ask someone from that team to find out if anyone else there has a similar interest? Don't know how likely that is, but there is a chance that there is someone and you will just never find out because you are not good at initiating contact.

Wished I could say something more useful, I do feel your pain.

I'm not sure how to reply but You sound very similar to me. You are not alone HI!