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Feeling so alone

Dean

I am 21 years old and was officially diagnosed with Asperger's a little over a year ago. I was advised to join this site in an attempt to interact with people like me, and as a chance to see that there are other people going through the same things, and that I'm not alone. The truth is, I can see people on here have their difficulties and that I do have things in common with other people. But that doesn't help. I still feel alone and isolated.

I have never really had many friends. After leaving school several years ago, I had 2 people I considered friends that I felt comfortable with. As time went on I realised these people were not really my friends and were just using me. I did what I should have done a long time ago and cut them out of my life. That was in August 2016. Since then, I've not really had anyone to talk to apart from my family.  I don't really get out anymore unless I'm doing something with family. The only interaction I really get is with my family, however, this is at a point where (through no fault of their own) anything they do or say really frustrates me, because i'm around them way too much. I don't have an escape. I've been depressed for a while now, but with how lonely I'm feeling it is only getting worse. 

I attend a social group offered by the local ADHD and Asperger's team, but I don't even really interact with anyone when I'm there. It's not that I don't want to, because I really do; I'm just not very good at it. I feel so bad about myself, I've tried to make friends, while I was at college, and in various places of work. I just don't seem to be able to connect with anyone. All I want is someone to want to spend time with me, someone that likes me for me. I've tried online apps and dating sites to try and find a companion, with no luck. The task only made me feel worse about myself, as my profiles didn't receive any views and I never received a single reply to any messages sent. Every attempt to interact or befriend someone only leaves me feeling like I'm not worth liking, or that it just isn't possible for someone to like me or want to spend time with me. It's hard to like myself when nobody else does. I often feel like life really isn't for me, but I could never do anything as I couldn't bear the thought of hurting my family, but this only makes me feel trapped.

Parents

  • Hi Dean, just wanted to say that if you don't receive much comments tonight, it's not because because you just aren't worth a reply or nobody is interested or something, but quite the opposite actually. It's just rather a difficult and painful topic for anyone feeling like you do, and I'm quite sure there are plenty. Most of the time we try our best not to think about about it, to pretend we are o.k. 

    I can definitely see your problem with those groups, they don't really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult and would do much better one to one. I heard someone say "they really like these groups" when she was talking about people with ASD and it made me wonder what proportion this "they" really represented. Sitting around in some cafe with a group I don't know to start with sounds awful too, and I'm sure there are others that feel the same about it. Or some national befriending scheme (just via email) would befriend me with someone who has an interest in autism - they can't befriend me with someone who actually has it themselves because they have to protect vulnerable people (that's me in that case)... Somehow these things are not really working for many of the people they are aimed at.

    Don't really know what to suggest, I'm really sorry. I don't know anything for myself but even if I did I'm not sure it would help you, at least I usually get more upset with the advice others give me because it doesn't work for me. But are you interested in something, whatever it may be? Maybe you could ask someone from that team to find out if anyone else there has a similar interest? Don't know how likely that is, but there is a chance that there is someone and you will just never find out because you are not good at initiating contact.

    Wished I could say something more useful, I do feel your pain.

Reply

  • Hi Dean, just wanted to say that if you don't receive much comments tonight, it's not because because you just aren't worth a reply or nobody is interested or something, but quite the opposite actually. It's just rather a difficult and painful topic for anyone feeling like you do, and I'm quite sure there are plenty. Most of the time we try our best not to think about about it, to pretend we are o.k. 

    I can definitely see your problem with those groups, they don't really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult and would do much better one to one. I heard someone say "they really like these groups" when she was talking about people with ASD and it made me wonder what proportion this "they" really represented. Sitting around in some cafe with a group I don't know to start with sounds awful too, and I'm sure there are others that feel the same about it. Or some national befriending scheme (just via email) would befriend me with someone who has an interest in autism - they can't befriend me with someone who actually has it themselves because they have to protect vulnerable people (that's me in that case)... Somehow these things are not really working for many of the people they are aimed at.

    Don't really know what to suggest, I'm really sorry. I don't know anything for myself but even if I did I'm not sure it would help you, at least I usually get more upset with the advice others give me because it doesn't work for me. But are you interested in something, whatever it may be? Maybe you could ask someone from that team to find out if anyone else there has a similar interest? Don't know how likely that is, but there is a chance that there is someone and you will just never find out because you are not good at initiating contact.

    Wished I could say something more useful, I do feel your pain.

Children
  • in reply to oktanol
    oktanol said:
    I can definitely see your problem with those groups, they don't really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult and would do much better one to one.

    That is true! I find social interaction difficult. Those groups do not really seem to be aimed at people who find social interaction difficult.

    I would do much better one to one. I strongly prefer one to one.

    oktanol said:
    you will just never find out because you are not good at initiating contact.

    I am really bad at initiation contact.