Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi guys,
I don't have autism, but I strongly suspect my boyfriend does so I am here asking for some advice. He also thinks he might have autism.
A) getting a diagnosis
Although he strongly suspects he has autism, but is reluctant to go through the effort of getting diagnosed as he doesn't see the benefit. I recently got diagnosed with dyspraxia, and found it made me feel relieved and better about myself to have a diagnosis, and better able to handle it. He doesn't understand these reasons. Would someone please give me an argument that might persuade him to get diagnosed?
He could get it done through his work place but he is worried about the potential impact on his career.
B) Communicating Needs
I have gone through a difficult time lately, and he can be what appears to be thoughtless or mean. I ask him to put himself in my shoes, and see how he would feel if I said those things to him. He told me he doesn't understand, he can't do that. I feel very hurt at times, even though I don't think he can help it, and it causes problems. Does anyone have any communication tips for me, for me to tell him that I need him to do certain things for me because I don't feel well without making him feel like I am a nuisance or that I am blaming him?
If he isn't interested in getting a diagnosis, why are you working to convince him? It sounds like, at the moment, he doesn't want to be persuaded. He may not feel it's necessary, or that it will bring him benefits, or might believe that the benefits will be outweighed by the negatives. It's a very personal choice, and it sounds like you have already given your opinion.
And again, you want to give him communication tips but it doesn't sound like you're looking for any for yourself? It isn't fair for you just to try to teach him to do things your way. Compromise is essential. He might 'need you' to do certain things for him, too.
I'm not saying that this doesn't need work from him, but it seems very much about your wants in this post. Have you discussed this with him, in detail, without just focusing on your side?