Verbal/body language communication is over rated

Who is actually trying to ‘lead’ anybody?!?!?!? I’m assuming you’re referring to me and if so, I can assure you, I’m no leader, I am not trying to lead anybody. If anybody takes my musings, who takes what I do on here, i.e. sharing what’s going on in my head to try and get more understanding around my autism diagnosis, as me trying to lead them, I can only assume the person who takes my ramblings as that as somebody who is so desperately wanting to be lead that they confuse an autistic person sharing their experiences in the hope of gaining more awareness as somebody who is trying to lead them. I can’t see how anybody could take what I say as me trying to lead them anywhere. 

To ‘believe’ something, a person must doubt it otherwise why would they have to believe it. I would never get anybody to try to believe any thing, I can’t think of anything any more ridiculous. I admit I did the fake it to make it thing in AA, but I wasn’t actually ‘believing’ anything. 

And don’t worry, you won’t be subjected to any more of my comments, not that you ever were. If you don’t like talking to me why not just not read what I post?????? I think it’s disgusting that people read your post and if they don’t like it, instead of not interacting, they slate you. I don’t why NAS allow this but I will be asking for major enquiries into this. I have been bullied before but never like this. 

Perhaps Tom, it is you that needs to spend some time speaking with  people who are homeless. You seem to forget, I have lived on the streets, several times, I have friends who still live on the streets and I still talk to them and others. I speak to them as I speak on here and I have never received anywhere near close to the level of hostility that I have had directed at me from people on this forum. And it is not just ‘one’ man who died last week from exposure to the cold, only you don’t hear about the majority them, we do. Those of us who live on the streets or are still in communication/friendships/relationships with people living on the streets, we know when someone dies but their deaths rarely make the news, so you might hear about the odd one but we mourn, love and miss the ones you don’t even know exist. 

The stress of keeping appointments at the job centre is high for me, that’s why I’m not going anymore. The stress of meeting the appointments is not helping me move forwards. It’s nothing to do with whether they will pay me or not it is simply that if I don’t keep that appointment in my mind at all times, I am likely to miss it. And I don’t believe in magic, in fact, I don’t ‘believe’ in anything, I either know it or I don’t, where does belief fit into that? And don’t tell me I don’t know anything. If you have a cup of coffee, you don’t have to ‘believe’ that you can pick it up, put it to your mouth, and then drink the coffee. You know you can. I either know something to that level of certainty or I don’t know so there are way more things I don’t know, way more, but there are some things I do know. If I don’t know it and I want to know it, I will do everything I can to know it, but if I don’t need to know it then I’m happy not knowing. 

Yes, it does matter to many people where they sit because they give greater value to the thing they’re sitting on than to the act of sitting. And to many people in this country, they value a settee, for example, that has cost more ‘money’ as having greater value than a floor, for example, that they don’t directly pay for. Not realising that it’s the floor that is supporting their precious settee. 

You’re right. That is my reasoning, if I’m sitting I’m sitting, if I’m walking I’m walking, no matter what I’ve got on my feet. And yes, if I’m eating I’m eating. There may be a difference in the food I’m eating but the difference is in the food, I’m still eating regardless of what I’m eating. People give value and meaning to ‘things’ and it is the value and meaning they give to the thing that makes it different, not the thing itself. You can have two comfortable chairs, for example. One could cost more money to produce and a person who values money, who has made money into their god, will say the most expensive chair is the best one because to them, given their value system, their god, the most expensive one is logically the best one for them. They value money therefore they value the things they can buy with their money. But to me and many other people who are homeless, a bed is a bed whether it costs £10,000 or it’s one we get to sleep in in a hostel. But a person who values money, they won’t see it that way. They will think the higher priced bed is better and better still if it is placed inside a building that costs more money. A lavish mansion for example instead of a building to house the homeless. It’s all about your value system and the majority of my friends on the streets and the other people who are homeless that I talk to, have values closer to mine (love, people, friendships, kindness) as supposed to yours, money and what it can buy. I do not and have never said that is wrong, it is just different to my value system therefore conversations with me require some patience and time to be mutually understood. I get that on the streets. Maybe because they’re not so obsessed worrying about making money or getting money from the government so they are able to take the time to really listen and hear what I’m saying and visa versa. I’d rather finish a conversation than rush off somewhere to give devotion to my god of money by going to do a job so I can get more of it or to the job centre to make sure they give me more of it. I’d rather just finish and enjoy my conversation because that is more benefit to me because I connect to people, not money, not their title, their job, their status in society, the size of their house or even if they have a house at all, I treat people all the same regardless of the ‘labels’ or their differences. 

My thoughts are precisely that, ‘my’ thoughts!!!! That’s why I started to make a disclaimer at the beginning of my posts because I got the impression that people didn’t realise that so I thought I needed to make it clear. I’ve never had to make that clear to people, people I usually speak to know my thoughts are my thoughts, I don’t have to tell them. They’re usually so far removed from theirs that they wouldn’t need telling, they have no confusion around that. Most people don’t even understand my thoughts so they know they’re mine and not theirs. Maybe it’s an autistic thing  to need to be reminded that when I speak I am speaking from my thoughts, but actually that’s not true, I don’t have to tell the people at my group, before I speak, that these are my thoughts!!! I don’t have to make that announcement, they just know. I have NEVER told anyone how to feel ~ that’s such a ridiculous thought to me that I barely know how to respond. How can one human tell another how to think??? 

Perhaps you should think a little more about the way you speak Tom? My friends run into the hundreds and I’m not just talking superficial friendships, I’m talking about real friendships. I have homeless people who would give me their last penny, in fact they have. Only you can say if your thinking is faulty. I love everybody. That is my thinking and as a result, I have hundreds of loving, kind, considerate friends who would do almost anything for me. They say I’m brutally honest, I speak my mind and they like that, because whether they like what I say, whether they understand it, whether it upsets them or makes them happy, it doesn’t matter, they trust me to tell them my honest thoughts etc, they know I won’t shy away from that through fear or offending or upsetting them. People come to me when they have a problem because they know they’ll leave without it. I speak now as I always have, the same as when I was a child and this is the first place I have ever been met with so much hostility. And nobody can say it’s aitistic people because the people at my group love me and I’ve only been going there since November. Some of them look out for me and their faces light up when I walk in. So I don’t think I need to change the way I speak, only the people I speak to. I have never in my life been met with so much hostility, even people on Facebook and YouTube will stick with the conversation long enough to understand where I’m coming from. Not to try to think like me, nobody wants that, but to understand my world, where I’m coming from, and sometimes that helps them, sometimes it doesn’t, it’s not supposed to ‘help’ them, it’s a conversation, it’s about understanding each other, it’s called diversity. Most people marvel at my mind without ever so much as ever wanting to even begin to understand it and that doesn’t create a barrier to communication, it actually helps. It’s exhausting for me sometimes to keep explaining myself and fortunately, I have many friends who haven’t got a clue what I’m talking about and they don’t need to, or want to, and we  have a great time. They just make it clear, when they want to talk about somebody, complain or just be negative in general, that I must not say a word until they’ve finished and even then I can’t comment and I don’t. They enjoy that and I would never want to stop a person’s enjoyment. They just tell me to shut it, and I do. There’s no hostility, we’re friend’s and even though their love is conditional, they love me just as much as I love them and it’s the love that bonds us, not where we live, what job we do, how big our eyes are, how much make up we wear, how much money we have, how much we are the same. All my friends are different. Yes, they have clusters, that’s natural, but we are all the same underneath. I have friends who are millionaires, one is in his 20’s and will soon be a billionaire, I have friends in jail, on the streets, heroin addicts, friends who are doctors, dentists, psychiatrists, etc, friends who work in government, finance, friends who don’t work at all. None of those differences matter, it’s the person underneath all that that counts (to me), and that’s who I talk to. No person is wrong. Every person is beautiful, precious and loved so much by me, I would never want to change any one of them, I love diversity, it makes the world so colourful and wonderful. I don’t have to change the way I talk, it’s acceptable to all my friends, and strangers, I just need to change who I speak to. I will speak to most people, my only exception is where there is hostility. I’m very sensitive and hostile environments have no benefit to me so you don’t have to worry or try and control the way I talk any more, I’m out of here. I’m going to answer any last posts I care to answer then I’ll be gone. I’ll check in now and again just incase (Orinoco I think it was) has any questions on the process I gave them but I won’t be reading posts or contributing. 

I'm sorry, BlueRay, but I can't help it on this occasion.  This is nonsense.  Not only that, but many desperate homeless people would find it extremely insensitive at best and grossly offensive at worst.

One person's nonsense is another person's lived experience. So just as you find BlueRay's description nonsense, I have experienced much like it and in no way as a desperate homeless person. I was homeless and it was a matter of facts, and I paid diligent attention to the necessity of them, eating from skips, waking up in frozen clothes and so on and so on.

Hell, I actually feel jealous, and that takes a lot of doing! :D 

It's also disgusting to lead possibly vulnerable people to believe that if they only 'believed' then they too could get away with flouting the laws and rules that they need to adhere to just to obtain the money they need to survive. It's difficult enough for people to navigate the benefits system and to survive on the money it pays them without misleading 'claims' like this.

I can't believe NAS allow this kind of crud to be posted.   

I'm going to have to try missing out on a bit more...

No.  What's nonsense is that you 'see no difference', and seem to be using it as some kind of generalisation to say 'there is no difference'.  I'm not talking about what I believe, but about the people who've spent all day - in the city where I work - sitting out on the pavement in the cold and rain, and who would probably give anything just to sit on an old wooden crate, let alone a settee. Try going up to one of them and saying 'I simply see no difference to sitting on a street and sitting on a settee in a house' and see what kind of a reception you get. One homeless man in that city died last week from exposure to the cold.  I wonder if he thought his place was no different to being indoors on a nice warm, comfy settee.  I'm also talking about the people who are literally terrified of being ten minutes late for an appointment at the Job Centre, in case they lose their benefits as a result.  People who don't just take such things in their stride, firm in their belief in magic, but who worry about being in debt, being homeless, being unable to feed their children, etc.

'And if I'm sitting down, I'm sitting down, no matter what I'm sitting on'.  Well, yes - ipso facto.  But there's a world of difference - maybe not to you, but to many others - to sitting on a cold, wet pavement and sitting on a settee in a warm house.  Your reasoning here is a bit like saying 'If I'm eating, I'm eating, no matter what I'm eating'... whether it's chocolate, or cake, or a piece of stale bread chucked out for the birds, or a bar of soap.

Your thoughts are precisely that: your thoughts.  Don't try using them as a way of saying 'Everyone should feel this way.'  And before you say 'I don't', perhaps you should think a little more about the way you speak.  'Poverty doesn't exist'.  'Ill-health doesn't exist'.  It's not presented as a subjective view, but as if it's some kind of universal truth.... and those of us who don't accept it as such are somehow merely susceptible to 'faulty thinking.'

I don't think I mind if someone thinks they have magical powers but I do get distressed if they try to manipulate or dismiss other people simply because they (the other people) don't have those 'magical powers' or 'superior knowledge' too. 

And, I think this is maybe how some of what you have written may have came across- that you perhaps seemed unfeeling or dismissive towards other peoples suffering, such as the homeless, for example.

However, I really don't want you to go (you said you were not going to post on here anymore in one of your other replies today, I think?)

I don't think you need to go, we all rub each other up the wrong way on here from time to time, sometimes we can all (each of us) be an ass, and other times we genuinely misinterpret, and sometimes we outright don't agree with one another on here, but these are no reason to go. 

I am as ordinary as they come, borderline pathologically boring and mundane. Its just who I am. 

And because of course you’re god so if you deem something to be inappropriate then the rest of us have to abide by your rule. 

Why should you get angry just because somebody thinks they have access to magic powers? Maybe they do? Maybe they don’t but why get angry at them? And what makes you think your ordinary? 

Only around 7% of total communication is verbal, so it's hardly surprising that we miss out on so much!

Sometimes I think I don't miss out often enough.  

Actually, I think some people have a really sh*t time of it in this life, absolutely horrific and painfully hard; and I don’t think it is appropriate to suggest (directly or infer) that the cause of their hardship is simply their own fault because they are not abiding to some ‘universal laws.’

Which has slap banged directly into a real 'pet fume' I have of ‘spiritualism’ and ‘religion’ only in the respect that some people (please note my use of the word some…) claim (and use this claim to manipulate or dismiss other people,) that they personally have access to ‘superior’ or ‘magic’ powers that us ‘ordinary folk’ are not privy to.

I didn’t miss an appointment while my job coach was on a cruise. It was the appointment she made before she went on the cruise, for when she got back. 

I’m not lucky and I don’t walk an exalted path and I know all about sanctions - I’ve heard people on here talk about them and I’ve heard people at my autism group talk about them, including the lady who was without money for months. My job coach even put a thing on my universal credit page about sanctions which I didn’t read, it freaked me out, why did she put it on there???  I just asked my support worker if there was anything in the message or whatever it was, that I needed to read, other than if you don’t follow our rules etc they will stop giving me money, which to me, goes without saying anyway, and she said no, you don’t have to read it, don’t worry about it, so I didn’t.

I tend to avoid reading about things I don’t want, I find they can sometimes get in the way of getting what I do want. Sometimes it’s the slightest thing that can make the difference between getting what you want in life and getting what you don’t want and reading about stuff like sanctions, doesn’t fill me with joy so why would I read it? I’m choosy about what I read, what I fill my mind with.  It’s not applicable to me anyway, because as I have said before, I don’t work by following man made laws, they mean nothing to me, I work with universal/natural laws. Man made laws have never interested me, I don’t acknowledge them so therefore they don’t apply to me. I never have and never will, even as far back as being a little kid. 

I’m not lucky, I simply know how the law of cause and effect works. I know how precisely and how accurately this world works and I live in accordance with those laws. As I said before, I never learned them from Jesus or anybody else but Jesus shows the clearest description of how the laws of the universe work. I get whatever I want whenever I want, without fail, everytime because I know the laws. Like an electrician, he is less likely to get a shock or be electrocuted when fiddling with electricity, than I am because he knows and understands the laws of electricity, I don’t, so it’s unlikely I would get that law to work for me, but an electrician could do it easily. 

I got what I wanted, even before I consciously understood the laws in a way that I could explain them to others. To me, this is how the world works, I was born knowing it, I thought everyone was although admittedly, my brother and sister didn’t get it to work for them as well as I did and my sister still goes on about it today, about as a kid I somehow always managed to get whatever I wanted and her and my brother didn’t! 

There’s no magic, no miracles, no luck, just pure scientific un breakable precise and exact laws at play. If you live in accordance with them, you get whatever you want, everytime, nothing is too big and nothing too small. 

It is nonsense to you because you have a belief that sitting on a setee is somehow better than sitting on a street. I’m not sure I understand how? Maybe you could explain for me please. 

And what has the capacity of other people to feel offended got to do with what I say???? Please explain or maybe you’re some kind of spokesperson for homeless people or at least desperate homeless people and you’re relyaying my thoughts on life to them?!? I don’t understand but as far as I know, I’ve never offended a homeless person yet and I know a lot of them, some of my friends have been homeless most of their lives. Maybe the ones I know aren’t desperate enough and the more desperate a person gets the greater their capacity for feeling offended?!? I don’t know, I’m a little confused. 

I simply see no difference to sitting on a street to sitting on a setee in a house. Yes, the setee might be more comfortable, but comfort is only one aspect of my life and there are also many ways to get comfortable, even on the streets. And if I’m sitting down, I’m sitting down, no matter what I’m sitting on. 

I'm sorry, BlueRay, but I can't help it on this occasion.  This is nonsense.  Not only that, but many desperate homeless people would find it extremely insensitive at best and grossly offensive at worst.

Why would you laugh at people for having friends? I don’t understand? But it’s ok for you to have friends? 

Because who, seriously, has 849 friends.  Or 1,445 friends (as one person does whom I've seen on Facebook).  Interestingly, too, it's often the good looking women with lots of alluring selfies who seem to have the most.  Even having 100 friends would require a form of social maintenance that would take up all of your available time.  Such 'friendships' can never be more than superficial.  Most people have one or two, at most four, close friends.  A lot of Aspies, myself included, have none at all.  As I said, it doesn't bother me.  And I'm glad for people who have friends.  They're not my concern, though.  It's those who want friends and don't have them - for all sorts of reasons - that I worry about.  It isn't just a matter of having more confidence to go out there and find them, either.  It's about so much else.

I phoned a number. I told them. The woman on the end of the phone said instantly that I wasn’t sanctioned, I nearly said I never thought I was, but I didn’t. She was then very apologetic that she had to make me an appointment though.

That situation is so rare as to be tantamount to a miracle.  If you miss an appointment, you get sanctioned.  That's the way they work.  You don't turn up, so they stop your benefit.  It matters not if your job coach is on a cruise, or whatever else.  The system picks it up.  They hammer people on benefits in this way.  Which is why I say, and I firmly believe you, that you must walk an exalted path.  You are very, very lucky.

But don't take my word for it...

Sanctions

I was thinking exactly about the same things.

Why would you laugh at people for having friends? I don’t understand? But it’s ok for you to have friends? 

I guess the secret is, I love ALL people therefore I am friendly to EVERYONE I meet and I guess when you are friendly to people and you love them they’re friendly back to you and they love you. I haven’t got any other secrets, not that that’s a sectet. Jesus told it to the world a long time ago, but I was friendly even as a kid, even before I’d even heard the name Jesus. I was always friendly as a kid. I appeared to be shy and I liked my own company, which I still do, I didn’t understand the other kids and people around me then and I still don’t but it didn’t stop me from being friendly and loving people then just like it doesn’t now.

One friend is fiercely loyal  and loving to me (they all are actually) even though I hardly ever see her and all I did for her, was smile at her and speak to her in the school playground. Apparently her son had just moved to my sons school from another school. My son didn’t start school until he was 6 so they were both starting round about the same time. I saw her stood by herself in the school playground while we were waiting for the kids to come out one day and I walked up to her, smiled and said hello. She told me years later that I was the first person to be friendly to her at that school. She said all the other parents had ignored her. She said my friendly act of saying hello to her gave her the confidence to not let the other parents get her down. Our sons became good friends and they were in the same football team so we spent time together at football matches etc and we’ve had nights out because I introduced her to some of my friends (because I learned she was new to the area) who lived near her and she has been best friends with them ever since, for almost 30 years now. So when I’ve had nights out or in or whatever with my friends, she is part of that friendship circle now and a good friend to me. 

If I see anybody looking a bit distressed or something, I’ll ask them if they’re ok and if there’s anything I can do to help. That might turn into a lasting friendship. I sometimes, actually often, just go and talk to people while I’m out walking or whatever and just have a nice chat. That might turn into a lasting friendship. One of my latest friendships came after I walked into a shop in town on my way to the job centre for my first appointment, after I started to have a meltdown. I walked into the first shop and said I’m having a meltdown, I’m autistic and I’m on my way to the job centre and I just need to calm down. It turned out the woman who owned the shop said, my son is autistic, he’s stood there, go and talk to him. So I did. He calmed me right down, gave me the strength I needed to face the job centre and he told me about the autism group that I now go to every week. I love him so much and he makes me laugh. He’s like my best friend at the autism group and we both look forward to seeing each other every week.

I meet friends in lots of different ways but generally, I do it by being friendly, loving everybody and judging nobody. I don’t have any secrets but I do have lots of friends so maybe that’s the secret, being friendly. I like having loving  kind people in my life so I am loving and kind to the people I meet. I have still got the friends who I grew up with from being a baby, several of the kids who lived on my street are still active friends of mine. But it’s the same for my brother and sister and cousins as well and all their friends are my friends as well. In fact, a lot of my friends have come through my sister and brother. I didn’t use to know how to make friends so my sister used to take me out with her, even though she’s younger. I was in my mid twenties by this time I think. Before that I had my brothers friends or kids off the street. I’m just a really friendly person and people are rarely if ever, not friendly back to me and if they’re not, I figure they need some silent love sending their way  and to be left alone. I don’t judge people and if I do, if for example I get angry at someone for something they did to me, for example, that I didn’t like. I own that. I don’t blame my anger or hurt on them. I know they can’t hurt me so the hurt must be in me. And I deal with it. 

So yeah, I guess it’s what Jesus said, although I don’t do it because he said it, but I love my neighbours as much as myself and I treat people how I like to be treated and they seem to do the same back to me. 

Really? It’s ok to share when I’m experiencing the difficulties, the loss and the grief and desperation but not when I’m experiencing the effects of my hard work and how I’m feeling better??

Sorry, I missed that rule. You must only be miserable and share your misery? I’m clearly in the wrong place. 

I will make my goodbyes and leave. I apologise, I admit I didn’t read the rules, clearly I should have done. I don’t want to be in a group that shares only their misery and difficult times so I thank you all for your support, I couldn’t of got this far without you, I wish you all the best and I thank you all once again for the invaluable support, information, friendship and guidance that you have all given me. 

Much love X I’ll miss you all :(