Doing only what you love

Assuming that most people on here have not won the lottery / inherited a fortune / figured out how to get the state to support them,  I imagine that "only doing what you love" only works if you love sleeping on park benches! Evan's posts are probably closer to the reality for most people. I don't think that makes you a failure, it's just ...... life. And you know what, it's just life for a lot of NTs as well, I suspect.

If you take my own personal dichotomy: what I love is spending time in my house (my retreat from the world) with my cats, in front of the fire, and the only way that I can make this happen is by doing my job. My house, small and scruffy as it is, costs a king's ransom in mortgage payments because it is in the SE. And before anyone says "move somewhere cheaper", this is where I am from, where my family is, and within reach of the only available jobs in my line of work, so that is not an option. If I didn't pay the mortgage, I'd have to rent, and no-one around here accepts pets, so my beloved boys would be lost, and that would make me miserable beyond compare. 

I don't love my job. Sometimes it's interesting and I even enjoy it, sometimes it's annoying, and sometimes it (or the dreadful commute) actually makes me ill. But it does pay for the occasions when I get to do what I love, so I won't be throwing in the towel any time soon!

Maybe the trick is to only do what you love, or things that facilitate doing what you love??

Is it possible to fail at anything or fail at life? What would that even look like? I can’t even begin to imagine what failing or failing at life looks like. And of course Evan’s posts are more like the reality of most people because most people are conditioned to think and feel that way. Empires and societies and communities couldn’t be built so well or as efficiently if everybody was free to enjoy their own experience of the world. It would be much harder to convince somebody to spend, say, 8 hours of their day, doing something they didn’t want to do, making somebody else rich and happy, while receiving only a modest return for their contribution towards somebody else’s wealth and fortune. So of course people have to be mass conditioned, and most are a success but some slip through the net and think for themselves, they develop their own values, judgements, thoughts etc and get shunned by most of the rest of the herd for daring to not follow the rules, created for them by some rich egotistical wealthy person or persons. So yeah, that is most definitely the reality for most people. 

Who wouldn’t love sleeping on a park bench, close to nature, waking up to the fresh fragrance of the beautiful flowers. I hear also that sleeping on something like a plank is good for the back. When I was homeless and living on the streets, I feel no less happiness or no less wealthy than when I’ve bedn living in a house with more money than I can spend. In many ways, for me anyway, being homeless is so much easier. I don’t have to think about cooking and getting washed, dressed and changed again every day and night, I don’t have all the bills to deal with, all that dam housework that’s never ending. Being homeless has lots of benefits and you receive so much love, kindness and sheer generosity from other people. The sight of a homeless person seems to bring out the generosity and kindness in some. I see no difference in sleeping on a park bench or in a mansion apart from are you warm and comfy and fortunately maybe for me, I can sleep on a washing line and don’t feel the cold so much but it’s relatively easy to get warm blankets, even when you’re homeless. 

It sounds to me like your doing more of what you love than you realise. I don’t think the trick is to do only what you love or the things that facilitate what you love, but I think that’s much better than not doing anything that you love. I’ve found the trick to be to do only what you love and then you receive everything you need or want. That approach comes at a cost of course, like all things in life and most people aren’t prepared to pay the cost. 

Who wouldn’t love sleeping on a park bench, close to nature, waking up to the fresh fragrance of the beautiful flowers.

I think that depends very much on the circumstances.  And with this bitter weather, we're now getting the predictable reports of homeless people being found dead.

Some people may choose homelessness, and perhaps see 'benefits' to it.  But the generosity, love and kindness of others can be in very short supply.  I worked at a homeless shelter for a while - and believe me, most of the people who came through our doors would give anything to get back to a life under a roof - whether in a job or not.  My father was homeless for a while, too, and it put years on him - indirectly leading to his death.  He was set upon by yobs, spat at, told to 'get a job'... generally disdained.  You can lose all dignity, all sense of hope.  You can't get work.  You sleep where you can - never knowing if you'll be safe (homeless women especially are vulnerable, and are routinely exploited for sex by 'caring' people, offering a warm bed for the night). If addiction or mental health problems have landed you in the street, then they'll only get worse once you're there.  And who would deny a homeless person a bit of chemical relief from their existence?  You feel like all your rights and self-respect have been taken away.  It may seem a romantic way of life for some - but the reality is usually very different.

Who wouldn’t love sleeping on a park bench, close to nature, waking up to the fresh fragrance of the beautiful flowers.

I think that depends very much on the circumstances.  And with this bitter weather, we're now getting the predictable reports of homeless people being found dead.

Some people may choose homelessness, and perhaps see 'benefits' to it.  But the generosity, love and kindness of others can be in very short supply.  I worked at a homeless shelter for a while - and believe me, most of the people who came through our doors would give anything to get back to a life under a roof - whether in a job or not.  My father was homeless for a while, too, and it put years on him - indirectly leading to his death.  He was set upon by yobs, spat at, told to 'get a job'... generally disdained.  You can lose all dignity, all sense of hope.  You can't get work.  You sleep where you can - never knowing if you'll be safe (homeless women especially are vulnerable, and are routinely exploited for sex by 'caring' people, offering a warm bed for the night). If addiction or mental health problems have landed you in the street, then they'll only get worse once you're there.  And who would deny a homeless person a bit of chemical relief from their existence?  You feel like all your rights and self-respect have been taken away.  It may seem a romantic way of life for some - but the reality is usually very different.

The cat sounds good, that’s what I’m working my way towards. That’s my goal, to get a little miniature poodle puppy dog and a little kitten then me and my crew will be made! Although now I’m coming out of this burn out and starting to feel better, I’m starting to get itchy feet for Bali, so my cat and dog plans might have to go on hold for a little while. And yeah, I definitely prefer to live alone, as in no other human, but I like having cats and dogs. 

I've never been homeless and I don't want to experience it.  My health has always been fragile and I wouldn't survive.

On the other hand I have lived in rented accommodation many times in different cities and the standard has varied enormously.  And the other people sharing the accommodation

I prefer to live alone.  Or just get a cat as a companion.

Everyone will have a different perspective, according to their experience of it whether that be first, second or third hand and everyone’s experience of homelessness is different. I have had many homeless friends and each persons journey there has been different and each persons experience is different. I’ve also worked with refugees who are homeless in this country yet they are surgeons and hold other positions back in their country of birth. There are as many outer reasons for homelessness as there are people but wherever a person goes, whatever they do or however they live, ‘they’ the person remains the constant and they and only they have the power to change their situation, people can help but only they can make the decision to make changes. 

Okay.  I'll take your word for it.  There's nothing more I feel like saying on the subject.

Maybe some others can offer perspectives.

I’ve always been ok when I’ve been homeless. I never slept at nights, not even in the shelters, I preferred to walk the streets at night as that felt safer to me than sleeping in a doorway or a shelter. I’d find somewhere to sleep during the day, which was never a problem as more places are open. I often slept in pubs and the landlords were great about it. I didn’t exactly choose to be homeless, but that’s the way it was for a while, a few times actually. I didn’t think my life was any worse or different to when it was or is when I’m bringing home well in excess of £1000 a week. I was still me so my life was still as happy as I was and living on the streets taught me a lot about human generosity and it was kind of fun, I’m all into alternative lifestyles and although I didn’t exactly consciously choose it, I made the most of it while I had the chance. Not everybody gets to experience homelessness first hand and if people did, they would most certainly have a different impression of it because the impression would be from their experience and not from somebody else’s. It’s a pretty cool way to live, having only your immediate needs to meet, no thinking of long term plans etc. And sure, not everyone can hack it but not everyone can hack it even when they have a house and job etc. It’s always down to the individual and not the circumstances. It is rough in this weather, when I went for a walk in the snow the other day  I looked out for the homeless guy I help out now and again so I could offer him a bed for the night. I’ve only got one bed but I would happily give it up for the night for this guy, to get him off the streets while the snows falling, but I didn’t see him so I guess he got somewhere for the night. I never once felt like any of my rights or my self respect had been taken away. How does that work? Just because I haven’t got a roof over my head and a job I haven’t got no self esteem?!?!? If I was placing my self esteem on having a job and a house to live in I think I’d shoot my self now and get it over with because I can’t imagine a life where my self esteem relied on my outer circumstances. It’s not romantic living on the streets just like it’s not romantic living in a house or any other way of living, it’s exactly what it is and it’s what you make of it. If I thought it was bad and terrible and I had no rights or no self esteem now, I’d probably be dead by now, considering the kinds of circumstances I found myself in. But I never once felt like that. I was just as valuable etc as someone earning tons of money and living in a house. My value doesn’t come from how much money I earn, where I sleep at nights or how I chose to live my life and nobody can take my self esteem away from me and certainly no circumstances could. If I had put value judgements on being homeless and compared myself to others who weren’t homeless then I probably would have felt bad, but how would that have helped me? Why not think, we’ll this is how it is today, ok, so what do I need to do today?