What are your experiences with dating and do you find it difficult to maintain a relationship? I find communication hard sometimes and can come across cold.
I struggle with dating.
There is no one free official dating web site for autistic people.
Yes, I find it difficult to maintain a relationship. I also find communication hard often and can come across cold.
I do not enjoy chats very much.
Every aspect of life seems very difficult with this condition to be honest and dating is just extremely hard.
Rose said:Every aspect of life seems very difficult with this condition to be honest and dating is just extremely hard.
This is also my experience.
I completely agree with you.
I find the initial part difficult, until you know someone a little knowing what to say, how to start conversations, when to just listen, it's all difficult. That being said tech makes things a lot easier, if you get as far as a date from online dating you at least know the other person is somewhat interested so you've jumped the first hurdle. That and they have a profile that gives you somewhere to start and conversations before you meet gives you a better start than just saying hello in a bar.
I would say something that's difficult is actually knowing someone is properly interested though, I have been out with friends and ended up talking to people and afterwards a friend has said why didn't you get her number, ask her for a drink next weekend and I'll have not even realised the woman was interested.
I can come across as cold sometimes, firstly because I'm not great at showing my emotions, evening they are there they don't really show, secondly because I'm very matter of fact, logical, fact based and finally because I often just don't care, I don't mean I'm uncaring but I really couldn't care less about celebrities, TV shows, etc. I've been told that I'm very different when people get to know me, they can see I do care about friends, family, important issues etc. I just don't scream about it from the rooftops.
One of the things I find difficult is an interim maintaining stage, you've got to know someone but you aren't living together, how much contact is the right amount. I can get up early, go to the gym, then to work, work late and come home, my brain works through all that but I don't feel the need to message them every hour, or even every day. I actually really like my own space sometimes.
So yes I've done my usual and written too much. I think relationships are hard for those of us with ASD, but I think they are hard for everyone, just in a different way for us. I'm single at the moment but I suspect I'm going to start to look again in a month or so once I'm through a busy six weeks and hoping it will be work again.
You sound like the male version of me haha I struggle with attatchment to be honest guys get really attached fast and it gets too much.
I have got the opposite thing.
I also get attached really fast.
I become overwhelmed. And it gets too much.
I can only think about the person and cannot think about anything else.
I dont get attached fast I am the opposite but for some reason who ever I date gets attached quickly.
First and final date 17 years ago.
Hugged a pessimistic cactus.
Told me I was weird - then left me.
I don't do dating. I meet someone by chance, or I don't meet them at all. It needs to happen naturally.
Which is a bit of a problem, as I don't understand flirtation signals. I've missed some opportunities because of this.
Finally, I've never been successful in sustaining a relationship. I don't manage cohabitation very well... and I get separation anxiety!
I have to say that I've never felt entirely comfortable - entirely 'right' psychologically - when I've been in a relationship. In part it could be because my guard is down, and I lay myself open with my emotional vulnerabilities. Meltdowns, breakdowns, mood disorders, suicide attempts... they've all been connected with relationships.
I guess I'm just better off alone! Certainly, I'm more psychologically stable.
I can relate with you on the last part. I think where we are such individual people and our thought process is so much more everything just seems to affect us that much more it does make it more difficiult me personally the thought of living with someone scares me. That being said my cousin has asperges and he is married and got children and seemingly manages quite well. It really does depend on the individual but also is down to us to make sure we choose the right person when i say that i mean someone that we can open up to and connect without any fears.