I find change extremely difficult
I find loss extremely difficult
It is like I go into full collapse and everything feels over
I don't know how to continue to navigate different phases of life and ageing knowing I won't be able to get back each previous one.
Suggested organisations...
The Silver Line Helpline (aged 55+): https://www.ageuk.org.uk/services/silverline/ or dial 0800 4 70 80 90
Hub of Hope By Changing the Stigma: https://hubofhope.co.uk/
Men's Sheds UK: https://menssheds.org.uk/
#ANDYSMANCLUB: https://andysmanclub.co.uk/
CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably): https://www.thecalmzone.net/ or dial 0800 58 58 58
SHOUT: Text https://giveusashout.org/ Text SHOUT to 85258
Cruse Bereavement Support: https://www.cruse.org.uk/ or dial 0808 808 1677
BBC Action Line - Information and Support: Bereavement and end of life care: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/articles/4MmhHDSbdDmTpVJhBs2v4Py/information-and-support-bereavement-and-end-of-life-care (Website)
I actually strugglw. With the thought thibgs will either start the same or change comwtelty like I don't want to be old and have slower cognitive function but still want to. So my high energy hobbies all the time but it would be sad to spend all this time now vomiting to never sip. In sometimes
But I do look forward to spending more time on my relaxing hobbies as it's shown that we do gravitate towards thibgs like puzzle books etc mkre just due to brain activity changing qith age
But as long as I get some balance I'll be ok as I feel right now I have too little balance
the only thing I've found to do is find comfort in the moment, in the smallest things, and lean on hope for the rest.
Amen!
This hits so hard. Even as a child, I used to cry at birthdays because it meant I was getting older and things wouldn't be the same. I'd panic every time I found something new that I liked, because of the idea that one day it might get ripped away. I understand your struggles with this—it's hard to repeatedly re-establish baseline, only for something completely out of your control to come and sweep you off your feet. Housing, finances, and especially loss and death.
Growing up, I had very, very little I ever had control over, and I began finding comfort in the little things in life, and stopped thinking about the big questions a while back. This sounds so silly, but I like to hold onto the smallest things in life. I've always loved texture, and so no matter where I go, I have a blanket locked and loaded and I try to find the smallest corner of every space to establish as my own. I always carry two sets of headphones. I always fill up my water bottle and have my keys physically strapped to my person, but it's not really enough to deal with the hard questions.
I am a woman of mild faith, and I don't know your relationship to religion, and so I won't try to presume anything, but the only thing I've found to do is find comfort in the moment, in the smallest things, and lean on hope for the rest.
Still, it's an individual struggle. We're here for you.
At 45, i know i’m probably over half way, and that does scare me. I don’t like how time seems to speed up as you age too. I can’t believe we’re nearly half way in October! Then i think, crap, thats another year gone. I don’t like change, i like things to stay the same. I find looking back at old photos and videos terribly depressing, i always come away with a deep sadness and very often cry. Then i start getting nostalgic for the years that have passed, even if i was mentally in a worse place. Even things like phones, cameras and stuff i just start getting emotional over, its like those times when people used those devices, how common they once were, are just a relic of the past. Then i come back into 2026 and everything is so sterile, so cold, so boring and dull. Then i think i need to do something with my life, so i step outside but then can’t wait to get back in because modern life is so stressful! Then it all loops.
The response from lostmyway might be very useful for you to consider.
Life ticks away very slowly, day by day. Perhaps you might negotiate it better through metaphors - noticing with awe the changing seasons, clould movement/weather, the life cycle of plants or the night sky. Really observe something in nature - marvel at the changes over time, each having its glory days just like a human life. There is no 'ending' in nature - everything moves forward through time's arrow, each having moments of glory before fading to something else as new life cycles begin. We can't take part in all of this over aeons - but we are still a part of it all.
Consider this quotation (a metaphor for fears and anxieties), from The Lord of the Rings:
'Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again.'
'I wish it need not have happened in my time,' said Frodo.
'So do I,' said Gandalf, 'and so do all who lives to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.'
This is something that has crept in for me also as I've got older and experienced loss.
The idea of ceasing to exist terrifies me. I try to ignore it, but sometimes it's all consuming. Most people do have an existential crisis at some point, but I've always wondered if it's normal to linger for so long. It started for me when I lost my Uncle suddenly in my mid 20s and have experienced much more loss since then unfortunately.
You're not alone with this.
Hi there. I am sure that this is something that many people struggle with, autistic or not, but as you said, the difficulties with change that many autistic people experience can make it doubly hard for us. Just know that you are not alone in feeling this way.
NAS does also have a page on bereavement that may be helpful for you to look at with regards to how it may make you feel, and links to resources that may also help.
Our page on preference for order, predictability or routine may also be useful. It does list some support strategies than can potentially be used to lessen the distress felt by change or unpredictability.
I hope that you find this helpful. Wishing you all the best.
- Nicola Mod
