Difficult situation

I was wondering if I could be dyslexic too, but what you describe does not sound like me at all. I have issues with forgetting words in the middle if the sentence,  using wrong word (good instead of bad for example) and it's hard or impossible for me to distinguish objects from one group of similar objects. Example- peach and apricot. My whole life they are same fir me, doesn't matter how many times I could teach myself which one is which, after few minutes of relax I would confuse them again. This one us just a peculiarities, the fact of confusing fruits or plants does not affect me on daily basis. But confusing words does- once I talk with my colleague,  the biggest shame of all Germans is Hitler. I told my colleague, that he was actually gifted and painted (in my opinion) good pictures, but the academy he applied twice rejected him, saying that his pictures were too rigid. So the conclusion was- that if tge academy gave him a chance, they could have changed the history and save thousands of lives, because if he was busy doing art, he would probably not have the *bad ideas. But instead of bad I said good unintentionally and got terribly ashamed I couldn't process how I said the opposite word. But I quickly corrected myself. Maybe the fact, that German is not my mother language also adds to that. It happens to me in every language though. 

When I look back at some of the boys I was in Primary school with, it was obvious that they were more than just naughty, I now realise they were most likely ADHD.

I remember when dyslexia was first recognised and I realised that I was dyslexic as many of the things they were talking about in the media happened to me too, the blurring of letters and them not staying still and just not understanding. People said I couldn't be dyslexic as I read so much, what they never realised is that when I was rereading books I was reading a different story nearly everytime as words revealed themselves.

It was also a big class issue in this country, like so many things, middle class children were dyslexic where as working class kids were just thick. It was also a time when people started educating children at a much younger age, 3-4, rather than 4-5 and I don't think all children are ready to learn things like reading at such a young age. I do think there are windows for learning and if missed it will be very hard to jemmy them open again. I didn't start learning to read until I was 6 and yet I was asking to be taught to read for a couple of years before that and I do wonder if that influenced my dyslexia. I know what didn't help was an undiagnosed astigmatism, I litterally can't see thin letters between fat ones and words like little were just a blur of uprights. The other thing with dyslexia which is often missed, is that it's not just about reading, but the ability to learn sequenses too and I really struggle with those.

Thank you for your response. I remember when the dyslexia started being diagnosed in kids, there were also many voices saying, it's a fashion, it's not a real thing, or that it's laziness - children don't want to learn reading so it's easier to diagnose them and find excuse and so on. I remember my auntie saying that "earlier it was just a naughty child and now it's ADHD". Some people who never experienced neurodivergence (it's for whole lifetime), will never even try to understand. When I'm with my daughter on the playground,  I can easily say, if the kid throwing sand is behaving badly or neurodivergent. There is one boy, who throws sand up and enjoys it (I'm bot sure if autistic or something else) it's probably part of his self regulation. 

In this current model of diagnosing autism it's like- if you are supported by your family- we will help you. If you're not- sorry, not sorry.

I feel for you, I really do, this things about needing someone who brought you up is so stupid, there are lots of people for whom this is going to be impossible, not just older people like you who may have no one left alive, or those who are alive are part of the problem, but what about those brought up in care who have no family, just a rotation of social workers and foster carers?

I think the model used to diagnose autism in seriously flawed in this regard and was set up with children in mind, not adults or those with abusive parents.

I'm glad you find this site helpful.

People are so ignorant and many knowingly so, they just don't want to know and it's not a "fashion", FFS who would choose to go through all this hassle and disbelief? If peope believe it's attention seeking, then does it never occur to them to ask why? That if it's not autism its something else and not depression and that if depresions involved is it any wonder?

I remember similar stuff about "yuppie Flu" when post viral and some of the less common auto immune illnesses first cam to the attention of the world.

Alexa said:

"that shows we're right about it just being a fashion!"

B said:

So, it's not just that some types of diagnosis are being questioned, as you say in Germany it's the privately paid for ones, but also ALL diagnoses appear to be up for questioning/criticism,

I'm so tired of the way so many people turn difference into a moral issue and brand difference as attention-seeking or some other form of bad behaviour. I looked at a graph recently of the impact right-wing political hostility in the US has had on the number of children coming out as gay or trans and one comment was along the lines of "that shows we're right about it just being a fashion!"

There is an article here from the US:

https://www.cato.org/commentary/autism-overdiagnosis-national-scandal

So, it's not just that some types of diagnosis are being questioned, as you say in Germany it's the privately paid for ones, but also ALL diagnoses appear to be up for questioning/criticism, in lots of different countries.

Alien0n3arth said:

What I noticed here in Germany,  on forums or even the youtuber Tom Harrendorf, often there is hatred towards people,  who suspect being autistic or so called "self diagnosed".

I don't follow social media or read other forums but I suspect it is similar here from things I have read, including intolerance to those who are diagnosed through the NHS.

There have been a couple of threads on the subject that jump immediately to mind:

 Help with letter of complaint to the editor - see news article 

 RE: BBC In Depth: the ongoing battle to define autism 

There are lots of news articles too, like this:

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2025/jul/25/is-the-huge-rise-in-autism-diagnoses-really-good-news-were-not-so-sure

I think what is happening in Germany is probably happening in other countries too.

I see it as a global trend.

To be honest, unfortunately, I see intolerance in general as a growing trend, especially in the 'West'.

Yes, it is like that. I can get diagnosed without my parents but the problem is that here even tge official diagnosis paid privately is seen as "nicht richtig" and one is seen as getting it only for attention seeking. It's hard to prove, that I have a valid reason.

Alien0n3arth said:

What I noticed here in Germany,  on forums or even the youtuber Tom Harrendorf, often there is hatred towards people,  who suspect being autistic or so called "self diagnosed".

A friend of mine who lived in Germany (and her daughter lives there) told me the culture is very 'richtig' in the sense that everything must be done a certain way and there is social disapproval if you do not do it that way. I guess that this may be causing the problem with people who self-diagnose. That only makes it worse if there is no way for you to get an offical diagnosis without involving your parents. That makes it so hard for you. 
Hugs 

Thank you, I do use both krita and gimp for my digital pictures but I didn't know I can create the bubbles there. I also work with layers in paint. The tool bucket is smaller there.

I think that some people behave like only they struggle and others don't, or that their struggle is much greater than others. I don't know how to discuss with them at this point, I'm not sure if I even should. So I just walk away. 

That is so understandable that you'd find it hard if 'officially' diagnosed people are hostile towards others, it's crazy and elitist, as at some point they would have been undiagnosed, and it's a lifelong condition, you'd think they'd be nicer. I'm just not good at understanding why people can be nasty to others that are also suffering. Wishing you good luck and courage with the group you found! 

On the art programme front, there is free art software better than Paint- I have both Gimp and Krita. They are freeware, and have layers, so you can have the text separately to the image and the speech bubbles, so it's easier to move around. I used to use Photoshop for work, and these are just as good for art.There will be tutorial videos on YouTube if you want to know how to do things. Both easy to download on pc/laptop.

There is probably some comic specific one, I'll have a look around and see.

Germany is very burocratic. But there are also people who acknowledge various situations. The group is for people with autism and trauma so something for me. I already took photos of the Owl and Michelle as they enjoyed themselves at the sunrise. I just need some more time to edit the comics. I'm also looking for some program that would add the comics text fields automatically,  I have to add manually in paint, it's a bit annoying and the result is often a bit skew. 

What I noticed here in Germany,  on forums or even the youtuber Tom Harrendorf, often there is hatred towards people,  who suspect being autistic or so called "self diagnosed". So they don't seem to be welcoming to people with difficult past and difficult families. They seem to not understand,  that it's not always like your parents love you in a right way and support you to your best intrest. So I'm a bit scared but I can always get out 

Sorry you are going through such a rough time with getting support. It is so hard, as you say, it's putting an impossible barrier between people that have difficult pasts and no family support, as they are the ones that need support the most. 

Like B, I also went private, as NHS isn't an option for adults in my area, unless you have learning difficulties. I think it's mostly just people who don't understand autism that say it's a fad. You only go for an assessment if you need to understand yourself because you're struggling. 

I really hope this new group is good for you, and if you do decide to go through the private assessment anyway, that it gives you the personal validation. It might also be that some support centers just ask if you are diagnosed and not ask further details, if at all. I would think they would be the most welcoming groups anyway if you can find them! 

You sound like you've had such a difficult past, which isn't fully behind you, so I hope some of this does work out for you. 

And in the mean time, I look forward to hearing more about Owl and Michelle, and your beautiful illustrations and deep theories!

Alien0n3arth said:

I will try to calm down

I'm looking around, recently I found some group that has meetings via zoom, they start at tge end of November. They didn't ask me for diagnosis at all. But earlier I heard only of groups for officially diagnosed people.  So I'm confused. 

Thank you for your support, B  I will try to calm down. Next week I have to get copies of few examinations that I had 2 years ago.

Alien0n3arth said:

But I would like to have access to local support group.

Are you sure you wouldn't still be able to with a private diagnosis?  You can still do so here.

My diagnosis would be questioned by some as it was done by a private clinic (via the NHS) and online rather than actually being done in person by NHS clinicians.

There will always be doubters and to a degree I will always doubt myself.

Thank you for mentioning the work. Tge situation in my team is unstable. I get asked more and more often, why I don't drive. I have to explain every single time what are my issues with it and noone seems to understand.  I need a professional help and in written to be able to prove it and to be left in peace. Also I'm hoping for some support in searching job in case if necessary. Otherwise I receive so far help with parenting because of support from tge nursery. It turns out I really don't get with which tone my daughter talks to me. I was amazed to hear from that lady, that my daughter behaved naughty towards me, the tone how she spoke was arrogant as the lady said. I had no idea zbput it. So if course I fail to react as I don't recognise it. I'm bot living alone currently,  so I don't need help with doing necessary things. Or I can say otherwise- I do get this support from my husband. I don't need anyone from outside to get involved in my daily life. But I would like to have access to local support group. So I would like my diagnosis to be taken seriously and not just fashion from tiktok... just because I pay privately. I have no issues with paying for the diagnostic process. 

I am sorry to hear this A.

There is little to no support here in England, irrespective of whether the diagnosis was privately paid for or through the National Health Service.

Mine was NHS via a private clinic, and I was offered nothing.

I had no-one speak on my behalf as an 'informant'.

The only difference it might make is if I were working and the employer took seriously my request for modifications in the workplace.

The diagnosis might be good for you to know, irrespective of where it comes from.