Looks like my diagnosis, even if the diagnosis is autism positive- not gonna help me much. And nit gonna have much value. Here, in Germany if one gets a diagnosis from a qualified psychologist, private and pays by themselves, it's viewed as "not serious", being questioned by officials, not gonna give much possibilities such as access to therapies support etc. The only serious diagnosis is being given by a clinic, and it's all good. But the problem (for me) is that they require a family member to be your informant. Not a friend who knows you since childhood. Must be patent or older sibling / other person, who rose you. If one does not meet the criteria, this path is for them closed. And it's me. So wether someone receives help depends not on the fact that they need it to improve the quality of life. It depends only on the possibility to prove it. My mom laughs my problems off, does not take me ever seriously and lies a lot. She is the last person I would ask for such a help. My father... did something awful to me in my childhood. I won't mention it here, it's a story for a PTSD forum. I used to have some contact with him some time ago, to which I was pushed by my mom. Someone from tge family informed him, that I have a daughter. My mom days it wasn't her, but I somehow don't believe her. I refused him to have contact with my daughter in order to protect her from awful things that happened to me. She is my absolute priority and I won't ever let anyone hurt her. There was a moment when my father wrote me an email where he described his I was as a baby snd toddler. For a short moment I had an idea, that maybe he could be my informant (despite the language barrier)- I'm an immigrant in Germany and my family does not speak the language. So i would probably had to hire a translator, if the assessors even agreed to process with me.
I heard, that a diagnosis from a psychologist must be confirmed by other doctor (psychiatrist/ neurologist) my doctor has a pain management and psychotherapy. I have no idea, if I go anywhere with all this. I decided that I don't care, even if it turns out, that the psychologist can not confirm the diagnosis due to missing documentation (yes, mommy thank you for throwing it out), I will not reach out to my father for any help. I don't want to lock myself in toxic relationship with manipulative parents. I'm not sure if the psychologist gonna take my correspondence with my father seriously, anyone could actually prepare it kinda... I don't know. I think something should change in the diagnostic process. If I don't qualify for the help, that seems to be for "privileged " then I know, what will happen again. I will hear again, "oh its just a depression, here is a pill for you" just smile more and talk to people etc.
I'm sorry for this long rant, I'm frustrated, feeling heavy and helpless. I'm gonna make another lego story I think. This site improves my wellbeing greatly. If I get treated badly by people here in Germany then I will stop seeking any help.
