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Difficult situation

Alien0n3arth

Looks like my diagnosis,  even if the diagnosis is autism positive- not gonna help me much. And nit gonna have much value. Here, in Germany if one gets a diagnosis from a qualified psychologist, private and pays by themselves,  it's viewed as "not serious", being questioned by officials,  not gonna give much possibilities such as access to therapies support etc. The only serious diagnosis is being given by a clinic, and it's all good. But the problem (for me) is that they require a family member to be your informant. Not a friend who knows you since childhood. Must be patent or older sibling / other person, who rose you. If one does not meet the criteria, this path is for them closed. And it's me. So wether someone receives help depends not on the fact that they need it to improve the quality of life. It depends only on the possibility to prove it. My mom laughs my problems off, does not take me ever seriously and lies a lot. She is the last person I would ask for such a help. My father... did something awful to me in my childhood. I won't mention it here, it's a story for a PTSD forum. I used to have some contact with him some time ago, to which I was pushed by my mom. Someone from tge family informed him, that I have a daughter. My mom days it wasn't her, but I somehow don't believe her. I refused him to have contact with my daughter in order to protect her from awful things that happened to me. She is my absolute priority and I won't ever let anyone hurt her. There was a moment when my father wrote me an email where he described his I was as a baby snd toddler. For a short moment I had an idea, that maybe he could be my informant (despite the language barrier)- I'm an immigrant in Germany and my family does not speak the language. So i would probably had to hire a translator, if the assessors even agreed to process with me.

I heard, that a diagnosis from a psychologist must be confirmed by other doctor (psychiatrist/ neurologist) my doctor has a pain management and psychotherapy. I have no idea, if I go anywhere with all this. I decided that I don't care, even if it turns out, that the psychologist can not confirm the diagnosis due to missing documentation (yes, mommy thank you for throwing it out), I will not reach out to my father for any help. I don't want to lock myself in toxic relationship with manipulative parents. I'm not sure if the psychologist gonna take my correspondence with my father seriously,  anyone could actually prepare it kinda... I don't know. I think something should change in the diagnostic process. If I don't qualify for the help, that seems to be for "privileged " then I know, what will happen again. I will hear again, "oh its just a depression,  here is a pill for you" just smile more and talk to people etc. 

I'm sorry for this long rant, I'm frustrated, feeling heavy and helpless. I'm gonna make another lego story I think. This site improves my wellbeing greatly. If I get treated badly by people here in Germany then I will stop seeking any help. 

Parents

  • I feel for you, I really do, this things about needing someone who brought you up is so stupid, there are lots of people for whom this is going to be impossible, not just older people like you who may have no one left alive, or those who are alive are part of the problem, but what about those brought up in care who have no family, just a rotation of social workers and foster carers?

    I think the model used to diagnose autism in seriously flawed in this regard and was set up with children in mind, not adults or those with abusive parents.

    I'm glad you find this site helpful.

    People are so ignorant and many knowingly so, they just don't want to know and it's not a "fashion", FFS who would choose to go through all this hassle and disbelief? If peope believe it's attention seeking, then does it never occur to them to ask why? That if it's not autism its something else and not depression and that if depresions involved is it any wonder?

    I remember similar stuff about "yuppie Flu" when post viral and some of the less common auto immune illnesses first cam to the attention of the world.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    Thank you for your response. I remember when the dyslexia started being diagnosed in kids, there were also many voices saying, it's a fashion, it's not a real thing, or that it's laziness - children don't want to learn reading so it's easier to diagnose them and find excuse and so on. I remember my auntie saying that "earlier it was just a naughty child and now it's ADHD". Some people who never experienced neurodivergence (it's for whole lifetime), will never even try to understand. When I'm with my daughter on the playground,  I can easily say, if the kid throwing sand is behaving badly or neurodivergent. There is one boy, who throws sand up and enjoys it (I'm bot sure if autistic or something else) it's probably part of his self regulation. 

    In this current model of diagnosing autism it's like- if you are supported by your family- we will help you. If you're not- sorry, not sorry.

  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    When I look back at some of the boys I was in Primary school with, it was obvious that they were more than just naughty, I now realise they were most likely ADHD.

    I remember when dyslexia was first recognised and I realised that I was dyslexic as many of the things they were talking about in the media happened to me too, the blurring of letters and them not staying still and just not understanding. People said I couldn't be dyslexic as I read so much, what they never realised is that when I was rereading books I was reading a different story nearly everytime as words revealed themselves.

    It was also a big class issue in this country, like so many things, middle class children were dyslexic where as working class kids were just thick. It was also a time when people started educating children at a much younger age, 3-4, rather than 4-5 and I don't think all children are ready to learn things like reading at such a young age. I do think there are windows for learning and if missed it will be very hard to jemmy them open again. I didn't start learning to read until I was 6 and yet I was asking to be taught to read for a couple of years before that and I do wonder if that influenced my dyslexia. I know what didn't help was an undiagnosed astigmatism, I litterally can't see thin letters between fat ones and words like little were just a blur of uprights. The other thing with dyslexia which is often missed, is that it's not just about reading, but the ability to learn sequenses too and I really struggle with those.

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  • in reply to Alien0n3arth

    When I look back at some of the boys I was in Primary school with, it was obvious that they were more than just naughty, I now realise they were most likely ADHD.

    I remember when dyslexia was first recognised and I realised that I was dyslexic as many of the things they were talking about in the media happened to me too, the blurring of letters and them not staying still and just not understanding. People said I couldn't be dyslexic as I read so much, what they never realised is that when I was rereading books I was reading a different story nearly everytime as words revealed themselves.

    It was also a big class issue in this country, like so many things, middle class children were dyslexic where as working class kids were just thick. It was also a time when people started educating children at a much younger age, 3-4, rather than 4-5 and I don't think all children are ready to learn things like reading at such a young age. I do think there are windows for learning and if missed it will be very hard to jemmy them open again. I didn't start learning to read until I was 6 and yet I was asking to be taught to read for a couple of years before that and I do wonder if that influenced my dyslexia. I know what didn't help was an undiagnosed astigmatism, I litterally can't see thin letters between fat ones and words like little were just a blur of uprights. The other thing with dyslexia which is often missed, is that it's not just about reading, but the ability to learn sequenses too and I really struggle with those.

Children
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