Heart Sink Words and Subjects

Well they're words that cause my heart to sink, I sort of agree with you about innovation, along with new and improved, because the latter is often an oxymoron, innovations can be good, although often they feel more like reinventing the wheel and new is more often an old thing reintroduced but made smaller, dearer and not as good.

Having been a political animal for most of my life, the protest usually makes my ears *** up for anything interesting

That seems like a very pessimistic take on words that are usually shown in a positive light.

I have a couple heart sink words, tbh.

PROTEST to me brings me down because it's a term that's very telling of how corrupt the world currently is and how people have actively taken up arms against this corruption that it's gotten that bad.

INNOVATION is another one because the people who use it these days are usually sociopathic tech bros who want to watch the world burn

TheCatWoman said:

Thitch Nath Hahn, obviously didn't live in Wales 

[smiles].

TheCatWoman said:

Well thank you, I try and have a fresh outlook,

Good! You have lots of positive vibes.

So many weddings take place at venues that are a long way off from where you live, so it's difficult to leave when you feel you need too.

Having food intollerances and allergies and not drinking alcohol makes these gatherings difficult too, how do you not eat the wedding breakfast thats put in front of you without making a fuss, when the waiting staff try and give you fish, because the chef said fish is vegetarian? Or when people start remarking that you're not drinking the champagne/prosecco for the toasts and start saying you're not joining in and are being disrespectful?

I can do "small talk" and copy NT behaviour well enough to blend in, but I realised some years ago that the reason I feel uncomfortable at social occasions such as weddings or parties is that I find most people and the "small talk" they do tedious and tiring.

Unfortunately, many people on the spectrum have family or friends they are close to who try to pressure them into going to an event such as a wedding, and they feel guilty if they don't go. If you are ok going to such events and masking and following etiquette, that's perfectly ok. But for others of us who are happier not going, it's probably more help to look up "how to decline social invitations without upsetting people or feeling bad"

Well thank you, I try and have a fresh outlook, I try and find joy in small things, today the trees gave me some conkers, forest treasure, I love them.

I think in my case it would have to be, curious hazel eyes though and a frequently grey sky, with horizontal rain, Thitch Nath Hahn, obviously didn't live in Wales 

TheCatWoman said:

I don't always respond to your posts, because I'm afraid of upsetting you.

No need to be! I love your posts, because they're thought-provoking, often funny and always informative. 

TheCatWoman said:

I still don't knw what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 64.

But that's a good thing! It means you always have a fresh outlook on life. The Buddhists appreciate this, what they term, Shoshin. “Every day we are engaged in a miracle which we don't even recognize: a blue sky, white clouds, green leaves, the black, curious eyes of a child—our own two eyes. All is a miracle.” Thitch Nath Hanh

TheCatWoman said:

Learning to be content and to love mysef has been a long hard journey and like you I still find things I need to challenge.

True! 

I think career goes along with goals and ambitions, unless you accidently fall into something you like doing and have some sort of progression through. Whats wrong with having a job anyway? Whats wrong with working to live rather than living to work?

I agree about fun too.

I think seeing a seed planted, growing gives a great amount of satisfaction. 

I agree with all your words and would add the word "Career". Never quite got that one - I work because I need money so I have a "job".

"Icebreaker" that's another one I bet a lot of people can relate to!

Others: Party, gathering, fun (I have no problem with fun, but other people's idea of it rarely coincides with mine).

I don't always respond to your posts, because I'm afraid of upsetting you.

I think for me not having a dopamine response to "achieving" things makes it very hard to know how to and what to plan for, I still don't knw what I want to do when I grow up and I'm 64. I was never encouraged to do anything when I was a child, in fact more the opposite, I was discouraged and barriers put in my way. Now I have lots of ideas and sort of mentally throw them up in the air and see if an opportunity arises from it and be reay to occupy that space, thats how I got into uni.

I enjoy helping people too, but still get huge anxiety that I will get it wrong, but I seem to be fairly good at it, when I was counselling for example I think autism was an advantage as I saw things differently.

There isn't any difference between large and small for me, only what makes me happy. Learning to be content and to love mysef has been a long hard journey and like you I still find things I need to challenge.

profdanger said:

You don’t post too much on here, no need to worry.

thank you, prof. 

profdanger said:

if you were to make tons of replies on every thread with a mission to make Taylor Swift the central topic of every conversation (which has happened)

Thanks for the giggle!

Alexa said:

I'm also afraid I post too much.

You don’t post too much on here, no need to worry.

Now if you were to make tons of replies on every thread with a mission to make Taylor Swift the central topic of every conversation (which has happened), then there might be an issue lol

Marianne72 said:

I wonder if that's why you don't seem to respond to my posts often?

I always enjoy your posts, even if I don't often respond. Perhaps I don't respond because I agree with so much. When I was a trade union delegate*, the other delegates were exasperated by all the 'me, too' speeches and would rather hear a fresh take on things, which inhibits me from many of the 'me too' posts I might otherwise make.I'm also afraid I post too much.

*Like everyone, I shook when I delivered my maiden speech - at my very first conference! I had no choice as the motion I had to propose was my idea and adopted by my branch and by the conference timetablers, so I was trapped. Eventually, I got used to speaking - but only in front of my trade union colleagues. When I had to give a talk to about 50 managers, I was terrified! And, no, I simply wouldn't be able to do it at all.

Marianne72 said:

But now I've realized that a lot of 'small' adds up to something of which I CAN be proud

I haven't quite reached that stage, but I hope I shall. 

CHRISTMAS.

Just seeing the word provokes a fight or flight response.

Marianne72 said:

but I use the terms goals and ambitions as a sort of positivity

I enjoy your positivity on the forum.

Marianne72 said:

I now see, or try to see, 'ambitions' and 'achievements' in small things,

Me too.

I might appear a bit Pollyanna at times (I wonder if that's why you don't seem to respond to my posts often? Or is this another misperception?], but I use the terms goals and ambitions as a sort of positivity [heartiness]; to disguise disappointment and anxiety. I get  huge amount of satisfaction in trying to help others, at this late stage in my life, by using my experiences. It took me literally decades but [mostly] I've learned to love myself. It's not easy - as an autistic I work at it as hard as I worked for MSC; if not harder. I made positivity my study, after hearing about mindfulness, Stoicism, and suchlike as tools to get there. That was when I had the bad idea of trying for an NHS career - about which I've often posted.

I now see, or try to see, 'ambitions' and 'achievements' in small things, rather than dreaming of success in career, politics or any of the formal 'careers' I've attempted. I used to dismiss 'small' successes, for example learning to use a new piece of household equipment, or raising a new plant from seed. or plodding on when I feel like giving up on some new project. But now I've realized that a lot of 'small' adds up to something of which I CAN be proud. A bit like a necklace made up of many small beads. As I get older and the more I practice this art, the better I get. But somethings are so deeply ingrained, from childhood experience, I still find them difficult. i challenge myself over this every day.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, you must be devasated.

I find it hard to accept praise or have pride in anything I've done either, I wonder if it's a very British thing on top of an autistic one, very few people I've ever met can take credit without embarrassment. I think we do it with little things, somebody says to use that they like something we're wearing and we say 'oh I bought in a charity shop', it like we cut ourselves off at the knees rather than say thankyou for fear of being seen as proud or big headed.

I didn't ask a question about how to cope with weddings, I said they were a thing that made my heart sink, reading about them won't stop the social phobia, or the worry about being wrong. Reading about social rules isn't the same as reading history, for one thing social rules are different in different cultures and sub cultures and there maybe more than one trigger, for example my step sons wedding, I'm so glad I said right at the start that I wasn't going due to social phobia, because not only was it a wedding but they also had a lot of circus performers and clowns, which would of totally freaked me out and they had a spit roast pig which would have made me feel really sick. Then theres things like how many family each of you has, some people have massive families others like me have tiny families and "my side" would be totally overwhelmed by a partners siblings and families.

"Should" and "ought to". Oh, and "why didn't you..." or "it's a shame you did that".

My unspoken reaction is Are you serious? Eff off.