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Heart Sink Words and Subjects

TheCatWoman

There are certain words and topics that make my heart sink as soon as someone mentions them, followd by the sinking heart, are anxiety and depression, unless I can distract myself pretty quickly.

One of those words is ACHIEVEMENT, never having had a sense of it and not understanding what it feels like, I know I'm missing out on something most people find important. I don't get the dopamine hit that others do, instead I feel anxiety that someone will come and take it away, or that I've gotten away with it or otherwise flown under the radar.

Along with achievement are GOALS AND AMIBITIONS, I don't have any and never had, I don't know how to have them. They were never part of the world I grew up in, a goal was something that happened in football and I don't think amibitions were allowed, othere than to get married and have children.

WEDDINGS Is another, really get my social phobia going, its like entering a different culture where everyone knows the rules, except me and everybody expects that I should know them.

Parents

  • Four months ago I lost everything in own and my pet cat in a fire, every time someone brings it up I freeze.

    Also pride, I know I wrote a post about pride, but I really struggle to have pride in anything, even when someone praises me. I always let and give credit to others and never take any credit for myself

  • in reply to Dk84

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, you must be devasated.

    I find it hard to accept praise or have pride in anything I've done either, I wonder if it's a very British thing on top of an autistic one, very few people I've ever met can take credit without embarrassment. I think we do it with little things, somebody says to use that they like something we're wearing and we say 'oh I bought in a charity shop', it like we cut ourselves off at the knees rather than say thankyou for fear of being seen as proud or big headed.

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  • in reply to Dk84

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss, you must be devasated.

    I find it hard to accept praise or have pride in anything I've done either, I wonder if it's a very British thing on top of an autistic one, very few people I've ever met can take credit without embarrassment. I think we do it with little things, somebody says to use that they like something we're wearing and we say 'oh I bought in a charity shop', it like we cut ourselves off at the knees rather than say thankyou for fear of being seen as proud or big headed.

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