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Heart Sink Words and Subjects

TheCatWoman

There are certain words and topics that make my heart sink as soon as someone mentions them, followd by the sinking heart, are anxiety and depression, unless I can distract myself pretty quickly.

One of those words is ACHIEVEMENT, never having had a sense of it and not understanding what it feels like, I know I'm missing out on something most people find important. I don't get the dopamine hit that others do, instead I feel anxiety that someone will come and take it away, or that I've gotten away with it or otherwise flown under the radar.

Along with achievement are GOALS AND AMIBITIONS, I don't have any and never had, I don't know how to have them. They were never part of the world I grew up in, a goal was something that happened in football and I don't think amibitions were allowed, othere than to get married and have children.

WEDDINGS Is another, really get my social phobia going, its like entering a different culture where everyone knows the rules, except me and everybody expects that I should know them.

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  • TheCatWoman said:
    WEDDINGS Is another, really get my social phobia going, its like entering a different culture where everyone knows the rules, except me and everybody expects that I should know them.

    It is really easy to learn the rules if you do a little searching - sites like this lay it out in ways that are easy to understand:

    https://www.fmweddingplanner.com/post/wedding-guest-etiquette

    With things being this easy to access, people can learn them in minutes so would expect you to be able to do the same. 

    Is there a reason you would be unable to find and understand these? I am genuinely curious.

    TheCatWoman said:
    One of those words is ACHIEVEMENT, never having had a sense of it and not understanding what it feels like

    This is really just about working out what you want to do - typically to complete a task (eg planting veggies in the spring) or learning something (eg learning wedding etiquette) to a level you want. Once these things are done then you have achieved this objective / goal / task - whatever name you choose to give it.

    Being able to reflect on the completion of this task and feel a degree of pride over it is typically what people feel when they achieve something. It is recognising your efforts made it happen and to give yourself a pat on the back mentally and it builds self confidence and self worth with repeated use.

    These goals / ambitions do not need to be something you share with others - that can be as simple as eating healthily and avoiding the extra calories of treats if you want to lose weight, finishing a book that you are struggling to read, going to bed at the time you choose to set yourself or keeping your temper when dealing with someone who wind you up.

    That is how I see it.

  • in reply to Iain

    How hilarious Iain, what a master of the obvious you are!

    If I knew what I wanted to do then I wouldn't have a problem would I?

    I know I can read about wedding ettiquet, but I still wouldn't understand it on any meaningful level.

    Reading things in a book dosent' mean you understand it, it's like AI, knowlege without wisdom.

  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    Reading things in a book dosent' mean you understand it

    You say you have read a great deal about history in books and understood it so why do you think other subjects are challenging for you?

    Do you think it could be a form of not wanting to understand it (at a subconscious level)?

    Sorry if this you see me as hilarious but you ask a question that has a straightforward answer then ridicule me for giving the answer. Maybe I am being too (autistically) literal and taking your questions at face value.

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  • in reply to TheCatWoman
    TheCatWoman said:
    Reading things in a book dosent' mean you understand it

    You say you have read a great deal about history in books and understood it so why do you think other subjects are challenging for you?

    Do you think it could be a form of not wanting to understand it (at a subconscious level)?

    Sorry if this you see me as hilarious but you ask a question that has a straightforward answer then ridicule me for giving the answer. Maybe I am being too (autistically) literal and taking your questions at face value.

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