I need connection, but have no idea, how to connect. Even here

Im sorry for repeating the same thing, the same struggle. I wish i could chat with people like others do. I cant, not only with strangers, but also with the closest ones. Sorry for typos, its first time i logged in from laptop. I feel sorry for being defective and feel a need to appologise to everyone. Its not much i can write. If there is anyone willing to have some chat, you can respond. I was excited today about one video, it was quite short unfortunately. There was a hypothesis, that around half billion years ago earth had a ring, which could have formed out of debris created by a crushed asteroid. These pieces of rocks colided with each other and some of them, according to this hypothesis, fell on earth and created craters. Currently these craters are scattered accross all continents, as they drifted. But when scientists recreated the location of continents in ancient times, it turns out, all these craters were formed within 30 Degrees of ancient ecuator. 

I have no friends, i fear, its a matter of time, when my daughter gonna be ashamed of me, seeing, how different i am. All other mothers and fathers chat, laugh, gesticulate, sit together and enjoy and i am the only weirdo sitting on a bench and rocking or stimming with fingers or writing alien stories. Once, some time ago she convinced her friend, to approach me and tell me something offensive. He did it and they both laughed. 38 year old woman becoming a victim of bullying by pre-school kids, its a shame for me. Even that lady, who i shared my story with seems to be avoiding me. I shared my experience with her to let her understand her autistic son better. I concentrated on my difficulties that i had in my childhood, causes and my strategies. Its still ringing in my head- NOBODY LIKES YOU, GO AWAY; STOP STARING OR ::: and so on. i still fear groups of children or teens. 

Im not alone, but feel lonely even when sitting around people. As much as i love my inner world, i hate being so disconnected from the outside world.

Then i hear from my sister, that im just different and its nothing negative, then the best advice: i just need to act normal. I have no idea how, and she can not imagine how is it possible.

Im sorry for this probably long and pointless post.

  • Yes, landing in venusian conditions is very hard and no human would survive it as it is. My fantasy was about possible changing the atmosphere there before anyone would set foot on its surface. But im also curious about exploration of the moons of gas giants in our outer solar system. 

  • Venus has a catastrophic atmosphere to engineer around..

    We can immediately dismiss surface level stuff. The pressure is insane. Russia are the ONLY nation that’s managed to ‘land’ a craft that lasted long enough to do some mode I’m of science.

    The bottom of the Mariana Trench on earth would be easier.

    Mars had the US attention after they knew that Russia was so far ahead and tangible science that can resonate with the public requires somthing to look at.. , that’s the Human side that is a pre-requisite for funding science. ( generally speaking )

    Mid atmosphere occupation on Venus is possible.. but exceptionally difficult as every KG of mass needs to be transported, and sustained at altitude.

    In simple terms, not being able to deposit a tool or some material in the ground while it’s getting used puts mars firmly in isolation as a place to occupy and conduct science.

    Mars is as equally interesting but for different reasons. Occupation and GV losses affecting physiology is understood and can be mitigated.

    The REAL issue with occupying anything other than earth in any meaningful way is the cumulative radiation over time.

    Our atmosphere really is our world. Not what we are actually stood on.

  • be with the normies watching Love Island?

    Oi, my partner I enjoy Love Island! Wink Sun with face Heart Island  

    It's not just for allistic people Grin

  • Hi 

    Im sorry to hear about your experience and the fact that you’re still open hearted and willing to help others is a sign of your humanity. 

    People are cruel and that is not going away but what inspires me about you is that you’re still a beautiful human, you haven’t let their ignorance infect your heart.

    Can we swap things around a bit and say the world is disconnected from you and that when you find the right humans who have the eyes to see you will feel connected.

    Please don’t change you have so much to teach others. Purple heart

  • Thank you for sharing it sounds fascinating.

  • Sci Fi was my staple reading as a teenager. Asimov especially but also A E van Vogt, Clive Simak, Fred Hoyle and so on.  I ultimately read all of Asimov’s novels and stories which were published in collections. I used to have the ambition to re read them in the chronological order of his future universe but there aren’t enough years left to do that when Im trying to read huge amounts of 20C poetry and literature with the associated history and to synthesise and understand it all. 

    The only more recent sci fi Ive read are several of Iain M Banks Culture novels which was too much of a time investment given other aspirations. Currently Im reading East European history and poetry, mainly soviet era to present. 

  • Hey,

    - just a quick one, I’m a new participant to this forum so mooching through a few threads..

    We have similar passions here. On the ring hypothesis, every ring is just a debris field.

    - be it a debris field in a vacuum and of significant size and orbiting a rotating body etc.. every debris field will eventually create a ring unless it’s re-coalesced before it does.

    So every major planetary body in the solarsystem will have had rings at points, and ere lucky enough to exist in a moment in time where a particularly pure ring of  H20 is orbiting our Saturn. And we see these incredible rings.

    Earth had rings and certainly there’s significant geological evidence to show the equator centric impact strata.

    Your issue is the finding it difficult to pop on the fake mask and talk about meaningless gossip at the ‘School Gates’.. if that’s true that’s one of the things I’ve had to work on most consistently also.

    I chose to re-order the issue as a task, or a challenge. Weirdly that worked for me.

  • I watched a program recently about the race to get a probe to Venus, and it was really fascinating watching them realise that the planet was nothing like they had imagined it to be under the thick swirling clouds. All their hypothesies had to go out the window as they discovered more more each time they tried, and the craziest thing that we haven't tried again since really!

    Maybe at some point they will try again to find out more about that world. 

    The moons of the gas giants feature so much in science fiction, they are the real mysteries that could hold such fascinating secrets.

    Sci Fi is one of my favourite genres. I love the work of Becky Chambers, they explore the ideas of living in space and alien life in a quiet contemplative way, making you really think about what it could be like. The series starts with A Long Way to a Small Angry planet, and I loved the ideas in it about worm holes and living with other life that is very different from our own. The second one features ideas around ai. Space stories are really fascinating!

  • I'm so used to it, that it's hard to even recognise whether it was rudeness or just normal. From my experience I also know that I don't recognise if someone is arrogant to me. I find it out only from someone else.

  • But continuing the thought,  Venus would be only one stop on humanity's journey. If our species survive till then, after 5 BLN years our sun will grow into a giant and will swallow all planets in the inner system, including Venus and earth. So then maybe Jupiter and Saturn would turn out to be in habitable zone. I can't imagine, what consequences such a temperature change would cause on these gas giants, but some of their moons could become habitable. I'm fascinated by Titan, moon of Saturn, where temperatures are around -180 C, and in its lakes and rivers flows liquid methane. Water exists there as a hard rock. At least on the surface. Some scientists think, that there might be liquid water underground and there might be local pockets where temperature is 20*C and a microbial life could exist there.

    I wrote one story few years ago, where humans built a colony on Titan using the liquid Methane as main source of energy at least in the beginning. 

  • Today I thought intensively about a hypothetical possibility of terraforming Venus instead of Mats. Of course the temperature there is a hel it's around 465*C and pressure like in Mariana trench, but if there was a way to reverse the extreme greenhouse effect that occurred there, probably because of very high volcanic activity, then maybe the "earth's twin" could actually become habitable. 

    Mars' gravity is so low, that even if hu.sns succede with a colony there (under dome), the low gravity would change our bodies drastically to the point, that astronauts would not be able to come back to earth because earth's gravity would kill them after spending months in space and then on Mars with its gravity only 38% that on earth. Venus' gravity is 91% of ours. Much closer. And Venus is also in habitable zone in our solar system.

  • Im glad. As my cousin in Japan says - Keep on keeping on. 

  • Thank you it's good to know that im not annoying like I hear sometimes from people. 

  • Just to say AlienOnEarth that I find your space and science posts very interesting. Thumbsup

  • The horseshoe crabs terrify me, as do many others basic animals, trilobites another example, ants, earwigs, centipedes. I am diagnosed with c-ptsd and am learning of more and more trauma triggers which originate early in my life, and which resonate worse and worse. Childrens book illustrations were a nasty source too where people had weird features and deformities, shrinking was the Alice in Wonderland terror which riddled my childhood nightmares. No adult ever took me seriously of course. 

  • Yes, there was Gondwana, but also smaller contints- Laurentia, Baltica and Syberia. It was 485-444 million years ago. There is a creature, from that period, which merely changed till this very day. Horseshoe crab, with blue blood. It survived 5 mass extinction. I red in book of Neil DeGrasse,  that these extinction might be at least partially due to gamma rays bursts from supernova explosions. Not always an asteroid impact or volcano eruption. 

  • Thank you for your response. It was Ordovician period, life was mostly in water at that time. There might be more explanations to those craters, but the ring hypothesis is interesting. I'm also fascinated by the possibility that life might exist on early Mars. 

    I heard a theory that it might have come from Mars to earth, because if it was there, it was earlier than here and due to Mars lower gravity, impacts caused some rocks to leave tge planet's surface and drift into space. This way there are some pieces of Mars that landed on earth. Maybe they carried some molecules that were ingredients of life. I didn't watch these movies, I hardly ever watch movies. Due to exhaustion, lack if time and sensory issues.

    Currently it's like I start watching or reading something captivating and I can't finish because always someone wants something from me. Then it's only confusion and irritation. I save the tab for later but that later may not come at all.

  • Well I find your information about the ring hypothesis interesting. Half a billion would put it in the Paleozoic, possibly Ordovician. There was I think a super continent at that time, was it called Gondwanaland? you might know. The hypothesis sounds credible to me and Id be interested to here more about it from you on this thread, I think others would too. There arent many fossils from that far back but I do recall studying graptolites, boring little black comb like structures we looked at in the grey welsh mudstones, the borders area I think. Life was restricted back then, little diversity so the rock fragments wouldn’t have killed much I imagine. 


    In the early days of geological study most of the rocks were named by time zone after British areas, and wales fared well with the Cambrian, Ordovician and Silurian comprising the entire Paleozoic. Ancient welsh tribes I told. There were smaller subdivisions like Caradocian, Ludlovian, Wenlockian. 

    Have you watched the movies Deep Impact, and Armageddon? both about asteroid impact on earth. Bit far fetched in some respects and dated by current standards but fun nonetheless 

    Im sorry you feel so alone but I believe I understand. Often my inner world, learning abd books, have been my sanctuary, it sounds like yours too. . 

    And I enjoy reading your posts, you have interesting things to say. Keep on keeping on as they say 

    ThumbsupGrinningThumbsup

  • yeah I completely understand that, I notice it when I hear others having conversations and laughing and I think that was funny but dint know why or how I could do that , that part of my brain can recognise the is somthing missing but it cant replicate the missing thing 

  • The normies with their love island are boring. My time and space are what I love.