Im sorry for repeating the same thing, the same struggle. I wish i could chat with people like others do. I cant, not only with strangers, but also with the closest ones. Sorry for typos, its first time i logged in from laptop. I feel sorry for being defective and feel a need to appologise to everyone. Its not much i can write. If there is anyone willing to have some chat, you can respond. I was excited today about one video, it was quite short unfortunately. There was a hypothesis, that around half billion years ago earth had a ring, which could have formed out of debris created by a crushed asteroid. These pieces of rocks colided with each other and some of them, according to this hypothesis, fell on earth and created craters. Currently these craters are scattered accross all continents, as they drifted. But when scientists recreated the location of continents in ancient times, it turns out, all these craters were formed within 30 Degrees of ancient ecuator.
I have no friends, i fear, its a matter of time, when my daughter gonna be ashamed of me, seeing, how different i am. All other mothers and fathers chat, laugh, gesticulate, sit together and enjoy and i am the only weirdo sitting on a bench and rocking or stimming with fingers or writing alien stories. Once, some time ago she convinced her friend, to approach me and tell me something offensive. He did it and they both laughed. 38 year old woman becoming a victim of bullying by pre-school kids, its a shame for me. Even that lady, who i shared my story with seems to be avoiding me. I shared my experience with her to let her understand her autistic son better. I concentrated on my difficulties that i had in my childhood, causes and my strategies. Its still ringing in my head- NOBODY LIKES YOU, GO AWAY; STOP STARING OR ::: and so on. i still fear groups of children or teens.
Im not alone, but feel lonely even when sitting around people. As much as i love my inner world, i hate being so disconnected from the outside world.
Then i hear from my sister, that im just different and its nothing negative, then the best advice: i just need to act normal. I have no idea how, and she can not imagine how is it possible.
Im sorry for this probably long and pointless post.
