Lonely and lacking direction!

It is really hard when you've got no natural "ins" with people, most people make friends at work or at the school gates or at baby groups, when you don't have these its hard to find anywhere to go with it all.

I know this sounds mad, but what about the Womens Institute? Many aren't full of old women doing the jam and Jerusalem thing any more, but are filled with younger women, many do lots of crafts too.

I relate to this too!! I find it hard to maintain my old friendships my best friend recent had a child and all she talks about now is the daughter when I call she just talks to the child and puts me on the phone to her it’s honestly awful!  

I’m in the same boat I like crafty activities  and hate my job it’s boring and very stressful, anyway I am not really helping but wanted you to know you’re not alone I feel all of these things aswell ️

Yes, they can be tricky and mystifying! Sometimes they work out and I don't know how they clicked, and other times I am convinced I am on the same wavelength as the other person but it doesn't work out. These days I try to set off with curiosity and see it as an experiment, then there's less of a sense of personal jeopardy...

Hey, that is all very relatable stuff! 

I have a wonderful partner too, and he used to have a D&D group online with some old work friends. When he was doing that it used to feel so obvious that I had no socialising and made me feel really lonely and not always sure what to do with myself. Sadly for him his group rarely meet now, so I had forgotten about any need for friends again! So I know what you mean about being lonelist at those times when your partner is busy. 

I did find at those times when I had a plan it helped, especially if it was say watching something he wasn't as bothered about, like a nature show. Then it felt like a treat more than lonely, which can help if you don't have something on yourself.

I can relate a bit to the job situation too, though mine is a specialism, my current job isn't fulfilling and I wish I had more to do as I get as bit low when I'm not busy, but with jobs being harder to get, it seems foolish to think about moving. I've taken to listening to more podcasts to keep my mind engaged which helps some. (And keeps me company too as I work remotely)

I do hope you can find a group though and build some good connections. Local to me, there has been more craft groups where people take their home projects, meeting up at places like libraries and cafés (try see if there is a library email newsletter that has group info?). Hopefully if you look around for flyers, you might find something that suits your interests!

Best of luck!

Thank you for your welcome! Felt good to just get some thoughts written down, friendships are tricky arent they!

I think it's the feeling of being part of a group, other people being there to send daft memes and chat about hobbies with and occasionally meet up and do an activity, and maybe more girly pals to chat with that sort of thing. I do fear that if I got that I would then want out again! 

I am trying to make connections with local groups, there aren't that many which does show me a gap, if I had the confidence and know how to fill!

Hi Emilywho and welcome to our community. I can relate to this and it does make coherent sense, to me at least.

A job that you've mastered to the point where it no longer inspires, and with an insufficient counterbalance of social connection. Your comment about social media is pertinent as I find most content is curated/edited/overegged.

What you have in your corner is a partner who adores you, a very useful, creative hobby and, from what you write, an ability to learn and master fresh challenges.

I understand the desire not to want to commit too deeply to new friendships and to have them on your terms. Healthy relationships thrive within people's boundaries but with some give and take. Hopefully you will find a person or people who you can spend some time with whose needs for friendship are compatible with yours and just see how it goes.

This community is a good place to make some connections and we all have the start point of autism. Some of us even live in Yorkshire. Happy to chat further with you!

I know this sounds mad, but what are you lonely for? I used to feel lonely a lot as a younger woman, I'd look at tv and adverts and stuff like that and it all looked so different and so much more involved than my life. It was a long time before I realised that I felt lonely because I wasn't being authentic, I thought I ought to have all this stuff and it would make me normal, it wasn't until I stopped and realised that all the tv and ads were fantasy that I stopped feeling so lonely.

Although I don't miss people as such, I miss the intellectual stimulation of some people, but most of the people I know and meet dont' give the intellectual stimulation I want and I end up feeling lonely in a crowd as I'm not into soaps, or games or many of the other things they're interested in.

Are there any sewing groups or clubs near you? I'd love someone nearby who could make me clothes or alter stuff, maybe seeking out local groups or apps could help?