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Lonely and lacking direction!

Emilywho

Hi all,

This may be a bit of a ramble so I do apologise. I just need to get some feelings out.

Does anyone else just feel incredibly lonely?

 

Friends

I have a great partner who I do feel so grateful for, he adores me! He works shifts so that can have it's challenges but we make it work regarding routines but this does leave me with time to myself quite regularly. He still sees his uni mates from 15 years ago, meets up with old colleagues, which seems so alien to me as I am not in contact with anyone from uni or old jobs.

I have all of one friend who I only see every other month because she now has two kids (and I don't like children) so the few hours we spend together is filled with talking about children. I feel I get nothing from that friendship anymore.

I am craving more friends, but on my terms? Like I almost don't want to commit in case it takes too much time or energy from me. I know I shouldn't take any notice of social media but it is very difficult to see everyone out and enjoying themselves and overhearing people at work talking about their plans. Plus how do people make friends???

I love sewing and making clothes, this is a solitary hobby which I do like but sometimes wish I had a community to chat to or be around. I have searched in my local area and any social sewing/crafty types things is not sewing clothes, or they are during the day but I work full time.

 

Work

This brings me onto my work, I am so bored. This and my past job I enjoyed in the beginning then I get to the point where I can do my work so fast and efficiently that I have nothing to do, and people around me are super busy and stressed I really don't get it! Is that my autism? I enjoy working from home, then I feel I should go into the office to be around others, then there is either no one in or it is like I am invisible and no one talks to me because everyone is so busy. Then I think, at least it is easy money (minimum wage just to be clear!).

I want a new job but what if it isn't as flexible as this one? What if it makes me stressed? I would rather be bored than stressed. How do people change careers? Where do you even start?

I have searched for career advisors with specialisms in adult autism, but astounded at the £200+ fee per session (and they recommend at least 6!) and this is not affordable.

 

None of this makes coherent sense, but long story short, I feel lonely. I feel like I try to do things, push myself to go new places, suggest things, seek out social groups, but nothing happens.

Can anyone relate?

Parents

  • Hey, that is all very relatable stuff! 

    I have a wonderful partner too, and he used to have a D&D group online with some old work friends. When he was doing that it used to feel so obvious that I had no socialising and made me feel really lonely and not always sure what to do with myself. Sadly for him his group rarely meet now, so I had forgotten about any need for friends again! So I know what you mean about being lonelist at those times when your partner is busy. 

    I did find at those times when I had a plan it helped, especially if it was say watching something he wasn't as bothered about, like a nature show. Then it felt like a treat more than lonely, which can help if you don't have something on yourself.

    I can relate a bit to the job situation too, though mine is a specialism, my current job isn't fulfilling and I wish I had more to do as I get as bit low when I'm not busy, but with jobs being harder to get, it seems foolish to think about moving. I've taken to listening to more podcasts to keep my mind engaged which helps some. (And keeps me company too as I work remotely)

    I do hope you can find a group though and build some good connections. Local to me, there has been more craft groups where people take their home projects, meeting up at places like libraries and cafés (try see if there is a library email newsletter that has group info?). Hopefully if you look around for flyers, you might find something that suits your interests!

    Best of luck!

Reply

  • Hey, that is all very relatable stuff! 

    I have a wonderful partner too, and he used to have a D&D group online with some old work friends. When he was doing that it used to feel so obvious that I had no socialising and made me feel really lonely and not always sure what to do with myself. Sadly for him his group rarely meet now, so I had forgotten about any need for friends again! So I know what you mean about being lonelist at those times when your partner is busy. 

    I did find at those times when I had a plan it helped, especially if it was say watching something he wasn't as bothered about, like a nature show. Then it felt like a treat more than lonely, which can help if you don't have something on yourself.

    I can relate a bit to the job situation too, though mine is a specialism, my current job isn't fulfilling and I wish I had more to do as I get as bit low when I'm not busy, but with jobs being harder to get, it seems foolish to think about moving. I've taken to listening to more podcasts to keep my mind engaged which helps some. (And keeps me company too as I work remotely)

    I do hope you can find a group though and build some good connections. Local to me, there has been more craft groups where people take their home projects, meeting up at places like libraries and cafés (try see if there is a library email newsletter that has group info?). Hopefully if you look around for flyers, you might find something that suits your interests!

    Best of luck!

Children
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