• Replies 8 replies
  • Subscribers 7 subscribers
  • Views 141 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Related
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

Lonely and lacking direction!

Emilywho

Hi all,

This may be a bit of a ramble so I do apologise. I just need to get some feelings out.

Does anyone else just feel incredibly lonely?

 

Friends

I have a great partner who I do feel so grateful for, he adores me! He works shifts so that can have it's challenges but we make it work regarding routines but this does leave me with time to myself quite regularly. He still sees his uni mates from 15 years ago, meets up with old colleagues, which seems so alien to me as I am not in contact with anyone from uni or old jobs.

I have all of one friend who I only see every other month because she now has two kids (and I don't like children) so the few hours we spend together is filled with talking about children. I feel I get nothing from that friendship anymore.

I am craving more friends, but on my terms? Like I almost don't want to commit in case it takes too much time or energy from me. I know I shouldn't take any notice of social media but it is very difficult to see everyone out and enjoying themselves and overhearing people at work talking about their plans. Plus how do people make friends???

I love sewing and making clothes, this is a solitary hobby which I do like but sometimes wish I had a community to chat to or be around. I have searched in my local area and any social sewing/crafty types things is not sewing clothes, or they are during the day but I work full time.

 

Work

This brings me onto my work, I am so bored. This and my past job I enjoyed in the beginning then I get to the point where I can do my work so fast and efficiently that I have nothing to do, and people around me are super busy and stressed I really don't get it! Is that my autism? I enjoy working from home, then I feel I should go into the office to be around others, then there is either no one in or it is like I am invisible and no one talks to me because everyone is so busy. Then I think, at least it is easy money (minimum wage just to be clear!).

I want a new job but what if it isn't as flexible as this one? What if it makes me stressed? I would rather be bored than stressed. How do people change careers? Where do you even start?

I have searched for career advisors with specialisms in adult autism, but astounded at the £200+ fee per session (and they recommend at least 6!) and this is not affordable.

 

None of this makes coherent sense, but long story short, I feel lonely. I feel like I try to do things, push myself to go new places, suggest things, seek out social groups, but nothing happens.

Can anyone relate?

Parents

  • I know this sounds mad, but what are you lonely for? I used to feel lonely a lot as a younger woman, I'd look at tv and adverts and stuff like that and it all looked so different and so much more involved than my life. It was a long time before I realised that I felt lonely because I wasn't being authentic, I thought I ought to have all this stuff and it would make me normal, it wasn't until I stopped and realised that all the tv and ads were fantasy that I stopped feeling so lonely.

    Although I don't miss people as such, I miss the intellectual stimulation of some people, but most of the people I know and meet dont' give the intellectual stimulation I want and I end up feeling lonely in a crowd as I'm not into soaps, or games or many of the other things they're interested in.

    Are there any sewing groups or clubs near you? I'd love someone nearby who could make me clothes or alter stuff, maybe seeking out local groups or apps could help? 

Reply

  • I know this sounds mad, but what are you lonely for? I used to feel lonely a lot as a younger woman, I'd look at tv and adverts and stuff like that and it all looked so different and so much more involved than my life. It was a long time before I realised that I felt lonely because I wasn't being authentic, I thought I ought to have all this stuff and it would make me normal, it wasn't until I stopped and realised that all the tv and ads were fantasy that I stopped feeling so lonely.

    Although I don't miss people as such, I miss the intellectual stimulation of some people, but most of the people I know and meet dont' give the intellectual stimulation I want and I end up feeling lonely in a crowd as I'm not into soaps, or games or many of the other things they're interested in.

    Are there any sewing groups or clubs near you? I'd love someone nearby who could make me clothes or alter stuff, maybe seeking out local groups or apps could help? 

Children
  • in reply to TheCatWoman

    I think it's the feeling of being part of a group, other people being there to send daft memes and chat about hobbies with and occasionally meet up and do an activity, and maybe more girly pals to chat with that sort of thing. I do fear that if I got that I would then want out again! 

    I am trying to make connections with local groups, there aren't that many which does show me a gap, if I had the confidence and know how to fill!