Anxious about the future

Have you had somebody to support you during your disciplinary meetings? You can at the very least invite a co worker. 

Thank you for all your support etc

I feel for you. It cannot be easy to cope with. I have always tried to soldier on even though my mental health spiraled. I am now in a complete burnout and have been since my diagnosis 3 years ago. I am now a matter of weeks away from my employment tribunal and am terrified at both winning and losing. I just want to run and hide. I know this will not help me so try to just take one day at a time and look for little positives along the way. Sometimes it is hour by hour but do what you can to get through this.

Do you have a union to support you? You may have a case for unfair dismissal if it happens.

I constantly worry about the future and it is not easy to stop.

If getting fired is unavoidable, resigning will look better on any reference. But try to avoid losing your job as it may not be easy to get another at the moment and I expect unemployment to continue rising (in the UK). By all means look for another, but it is easier and you have more bargaining power if you are already in a job. Try not to burn bridges.

Be aware that if you are close to burnout, or stressed or pushing too hard, your judgement is impaired. Even though you think it isn't. You can't see yourself from inside yourself. Talk honestly to someone you trust. Try to get some perspective. Are the things that seem so terrible really so terrible. If you imagine yourself in 5 years looking back will you think it is so bad? Try to see what is good.

Remember work is not everything. It is a way to earn money. Do what you need to, not everything you feel you should, or must. Things don't have to be perfect, just good enough. Reduce the pressure on yourself.

Try to engage with people at work to find solutions to the problems. Don't bottle stuff up. Try to talk. Try to be open to different perspectives. I know this is hugely hard when you are stuck and overloaded. I know what the crushing pressure feels like.

Obviously everyone's situation is different. If you really have to leave, then think about what you can learn from it. You will then need to take each week as it comes. There is no point thinking years down the line as there is no way you can know what will happen. I always do this but it harms your happiness and puts huge pressure on yourself. I know I shouldn't. 

Try to find ways to feel better now. A walk, nature, special interest, sleep, etc. to balance yourself. I think best during or after exercise. It clears the adrenaline and cortisol.

As already said, write stuff down. Putting wooly thoughts into words crystallizes the issue, it forces you to be specific and reduces the emotions, you can read it back later and be more critical, it saves you having to remember it so reduces mental load. 

Before handing in your notice STOP AND THINK - how will you pay your bills/food? I've walked out of 2 jobs during my working life but each time was worrying because of money. If you can hold on, do, whilst you look for a job from the secure place you are now. You might not like the job but it represents income and security!! Also, what if those meetings prove you are right - stand up for yourself but try not to get angry.

There is very good advice below by profdanger . What you are doing is catastrophizing - worrying about everything at once, which is shutting down your 'thinking' mind. I was given a useful exercise by a therapist years ago -

1. put each of your worries in a different mental folder [if it helps, write them down and put them in separate paper folders] ,

2. put these imaginary [or real] folders onto an imagined [or real] bookshelf.

3. you can only take one folder down at a time to examine it

4. after examining a folder, put it back on the shelf before you take down another

Chat on here to anyone and try to keep going to social events and hobby clubs; places you feel validated and yourself. This will maintain your mental health whilst you sort this issue out. From a distance in the future, it will not look as bad - keep that in mind too.

I can really relate to this because I went through it myself in 2019. After 11 years in the same job (2007-2019), I chose to hand in my notice. I was becoming ill and my colleagues weren’t very kind. Strangely, even though they hadn’t been nice, they rallied around me when I got upset about leaving.  

I cried day and night because I knew I’d face bullying if I stayed, and my diagnosis was completely ignored. It was all handled badly, and they kept trying to change my mind. Only one person truly understood why I had to go. I felt so low afterwards, just trying to process everything.  

I still have good days and bad days. It’s easy to slip into a slump and feel isolated. What’s helped me is a local ladies’ social group I found — really friendly and open to women of all ages. It’s run through a community charity and they do afternoon and evening gatherings, talks, social events, and optional cream teas for a small fee.  

I also pop along to Songs of Praise at my local church sometimes. Tea and cake always help. I did try something new recently and had a massive anxiety attack, so that didn’t go to plan.  

If you take anything from this: do what feels comfortable for you. 

Hope this helps 

One thing you can do as you transition into the job search is to inventory your skills. Write down nine things you are good at and three things that you need to grow in. For example, I am punctual, creative, etc. and I need to improve on communication, etc.

Then as you search for jobs, see how your skills line up with the jobs you are looking at. Could they use someone with your skill set? Would they require too many of your growth skills at once?

It’s not a fool-proof way of going about looking for jobs, but it’s a good way to start.