Manipulation

Thank you so much for those lovely and kind words! It’s still very hard to believe but I suppose I have to try and believe the nice things more. I do struggle with those voices sabotaging my efforts so I guess I need to work on that as well but there again I suppose it’s all the same thing

The words of the manipulators actually tell us that those weak people seek control. 

We must remind ourselves; that those people were not entitled to the control they sought with such fervour.

Their words hurt us as those people disrespected us.

We owe it to ourselves and our wellbeing; to find sources of new supportive words: to fill our heart, minds and spirit.

"Remember:

You are AMAZING just as you are.

More BEAUTIFUL than you can see.

STRONGER than you feel.

And more WORTHY than you will ever know."

(eli_leo_art).

That sounds tough, I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. You expect bullying in schools although it’s not acceptable nor should it be normalised but it’s still very common non the less. However adults bullying other adults just goes to show that they haven’t matured as much as they might believe. To go out of your way to put others down, make them feel worthless, it’s very low to sink to that level.

Thank you. I will have to make notes of that! I’m also normally quite chill and quiet but I can be sociable when people talk to me but if I fight back that’s when I just get bullied until I give in and cry   This is when bullies would keep on bullying or if it were that creep “manager” he’d have the excuse to hug me and kiss me without my consent but that’s another story. 

Perhaps it’s time to tell yourself that you have just as much right as anyone else to be who you are, say what you say, everyone else does! I’m known as a quiet laid back type but the few times I’ve said my bit people have listened and are quite shocked. You are your own person with your own ideals, no one has a say over how you live your life. 

This is where we need the strength to fight back, but people just don’t realise that it’s so much easier said than done. It’s like I personally believe I’m a girl who likes to take a pride in myself and does so, plays and enjoys games, wants to be fit and healthy but I’ve been told the opposite things so many times that I just think what’s the point? I’m that bad that I am wasting time, money, effort, products etc. as my mum said, and the psychiatrists said, these bullies are talking about themselves but won’t admit so their dumped their issues etc on me. It’s like they have all chipped away at me and this creep “shop manager” just broke that last tiny shard of sanity

These individuals make such an impact on us that we take what they have said with us in life. It’s a bit like having a negative voice inside your mind belittling you, making you feel guilty, unworthy, less than. We can sometimes end up believing every word they say without question. If you suffer from low mood, low confidence and self esteem then these voices only become louder till they shape not only how we see ourselves but how we behave. We may not feel good enough to chase the things we want to chase which then holds us back in life. 

Autismman said:

It would seem as though you’ve not had many stable positive interactions in your life so far if you of course would agree with that?

Yes I would agree with that. The few that I have had have either turned out to go against me or I just ended up losing contact, due to other reasons. As my mum has said, those who distressed me are just talking about themselves and they are the ones in denial but won’t admit it hence being in denial. It’s just I’ve had to put up with it so much it’s hard to be the person I used to be and think the way I used to think. If I try to now that’s when that voice comes in saying I’m the one in denial, I’m not being true to myself and I need to give up because of who I am and how I look. As I said it’s such a vicious circle and if I try and break it, I’ll fall back to that vicious circle or it repairs itself. 

It would seem as though you’ve not had many stable positive interactions in your life so far if you of course would agree with that? so you’ve little to compare the negative experiences to. If you can find the right people/person to show you the other side of the coin; that people can be a positive influence and can be trusted your doubts would settle considerably. Having bad experiences one after the other is going to teach you (especially with an autistic mind) that that’s the way people naturally function towards you when it’s not. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times but those that have caused you distress are the problem and always have been. I do think some people sense a way to manipulate others, you give them an inch and they take a mile (from you personally). I cannot truly ever understand some, they behave without a thought, as if life has no consequences. 

Aww I’m sorry to hear you have struggled with bullying for such a long time too. I wonder do these manipulators know who are autistic? Do they know that we are somehow more vulnerable in anyway? Do we come across as timid despite efforts not to? Like how do they know? Or do they do it with many people and likes of us are more likely to get wounded by it worse than others? Thank you for replying anyway 

Unfortunately, people with autism are far more easily manipulated. I find it really hard to trust people and I never know whether they're being genuine or whether I'm being manipulated.

I also don't think some people can understand the point to which many of us were bullied. I've often felt it was disregarded as ye most kids get bullied at some point. Mine wasn't at some point and it wasn't a little bit. It was relentless and has had a massive impact on my life. It is very difficult to see the worth of yourself when the messages you've been given most of your life are negative. I wish I could give you some good advice to deal with these feelings but it is something I really struggle with myself.

I hope when you get your therapy it is of some help to you.