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Manipulation

Elfilis

Ive been bullied since I was a toddler and as time has gone on I seem to have got worse with my mental health, confidence, self worth etc so I was in a bad state when I left school. Unfortunately since then I have been manipulated by “family members” and a “shop manager”. I don’t keep in touch with them anymore (thank God) but what they have said and done is still in my head and I can’t help but question myself, fall into a vicious circle of negativity and then it affects how I even take care of myself and is it even worth it. 

Some examples are what I’d be told was:

If you’re happy then you’re weak

If you don’t think someone is nice looking, you actually do think they’re nice looking but you’re too jealous/envious and stubborn to admit 

If you look after and care for yourself, you are masking and denying who you really are 

If you’re doing something that you think makes you happy, then you’re actually not happy and your mind is tricking you 

You think you are ok with the life you have but really you’re not happy because other people have easier and more luxurious lives and therefore you are deep down jealous/envious

Your parents only love you because they have to, not because they want to

Your parents have moments of madness when they say nice things and get you nice things

I could list so many things but I basically had all these things rammed in my brain and down my throat so much that now it’s all I think about and I question myself and what I like etc. I thought I enjoyed my games but do I? Am I really jealous of others? I’ve been told that these bullies are just dumping their thoughts and feelings on me and therefore what they said isn’t true about me but about them and their in denial but then I get this voice telling me that these people who are defending and trying to help me are just saying that but done mean it. It has also affected my relationship with my parents over the years and I’m still questioning do they love me and even like me? Kinda like the Simpsons episode “Bartless”. 

I am on the waitlist for therapy with the NHS but I don’t know how long that will be so I was wondering if anyone has any advice or can relate somehow in anyway? Any advice will be greatly appreciated! Thank you x 

Parents

  • It would seem as though you’ve not had many stable positive interactions in your life so far if you of course would agree with that? so you’ve little to compare the negative experiences to. If you can find the right people/person to show you the other side of the coin; that people can be a positive influence and can be trusted your doubts would settle considerably. Having bad experiences one after the other is going to teach you (especially with an autistic mind) that that’s the way people naturally function towards you when it’s not. I’m sure you’ve heard it a million times but those that have caused you distress are the problem and always have been. I do think some people sense a way to manipulate others, you give them an inch and they take a mile (from you personally). I cannot truly ever understand some, they behave without a thought, as if life has no consequences. 

  • in reply to Autismman
    Autismman said:
    It would seem as though you’ve not had many stable positive interactions in your life so far if you of course would agree with that?

    Yes I would agree with that. The few that I have had have either turned out to go against me or I just ended up losing contact, due to other reasons. As my mum has said, those who distressed me are just talking about themselves and they are the ones in denial but won’t admit it hence being in denial. It’s just I’ve had to put up with it so much it’s hard to be the person I used to be and think the way I used to think. If I try to now that’s when that voice comes in saying I’m the one in denial, I’m not being true to myself and I need to give up because of who I am and how I look. As I said it’s such a vicious circle and if I try and break it, I’ll fall back to that vicious circle or it repairs itself. 

  • in reply to Elfilis

    These individuals make such an impact on us that we take what they have said with us in life. It’s a bit like having a negative voice inside your mind belittling you, making you feel guilty, unworthy, less than. We can sometimes end up believing every word they say without question. If you suffer from low mood, low confidence and self esteem then these voices only become louder till they shape not only how we see ourselves but how we behave. We may not feel good enough to chase the things we want to chase which then holds us back in life. 

Reply
  • in reply to Elfilis

    These individuals make such an impact on us that we take what they have said with us in life. It’s a bit like having a negative voice inside your mind belittling you, making you feel guilty, unworthy, less than. We can sometimes end up believing every word they say without question. If you suffer from low mood, low confidence and self esteem then these voices only become louder till they shape not only how we see ourselves but how we behave. We may not feel good enough to chase the things we want to chase which then holds us back in life. 

Children
  • in reply to Elfilis

    That sounds tough, I cannot imagine what you’ve been through. You expect bullying in schools although it’s not acceptable nor should it be normalised but it’s still very common non the less. However adults bullying other adults just goes to show that they haven’t matured as much as they might believe. To go out of your way to put others down, make them feel worthless, it’s very low to sink to that level.

  • in reply to Autismman

    Thank you. I will have to make notes of that! I’m also normally quite chill and quiet but I can be sociable when people talk to me but if I fight back that’s when I just get bullied until I give in and cry Sob  This is when bullies would keep on bullying or if it were that creep “manager” he’d have the excuse to hug me and kiss me without my consent but that’s another story. 

  • in reply to Elfilis

    Perhaps it’s time to tell yourself that you have just as much right as anyone else to be who you are, say what you say, everyone else does! I’m known as a quiet laid back type but the few times I’ve said my bit people have listened and are quite shocked. You are your own person with your own ideals, no one has a say over how you live your life. 

  • in reply to Autismman

    This is where we need the strength to fight back, but people just don’t realise that it’s so much easier said than done. It’s like I personally believe I’m a girl who likes to take a pride in myself and does so, plays and enjoys games, wants to be fit and healthy but I’ve been told the opposite things so many times that I just think what’s the point? I’m that bad that I am wasting time, money, effort, products etc. as my mum said, and the psychiatrists said, these bullies are talking about themselves but won’t admit so their dumped their issues etc on me. It’s like they have all chipped away at me and this creep “shop manager” just broke that last tiny shard of sanity