Confusion after interactions

That’s good - hope it goes well! If you learn anything helpful regarding this maybe write another post on here about what you’ve learned? :) 

 thank you so much for sharing. 
I think I have found a therapist who is much cheaper. Hopefully this can be my person to talk these things through with

I very definitely experience this! It’s extremely unsettling and I usually ask my husband and son for reassurance about this. I find it very hard to judge how a conversation has gone and I always worry that I’ve done something wrong, or said the wrong thing, or not been friendly enough, or been too talkative or not talkative enough etc etc etc. I often will go away feeling stupid, or that the person doesn’t like me etc. it’s a bit of a nightmare really! So if my husband and son were there I’ll ask for their reassurance and they’ll always help me with that. I’ve also got a bit better over the last couple of years at dealing with it - I still do it but I know to say to myself that I’m just paranoid about these things, and that (as Anthony Hopkins says): “what other people think of me is none of my business”. I TRY to think this - with a little bit of success. There’s that Buddhist thing: ‘practice the art of letting go’ - I try to remember this because I have a strong tendency to ruminate and worry. With practice you can gradually reduce this sort of thing a bit - and learn to let go of the paranoia about what people think of you, and whether or not you may have done something ‘wrong’. We’re autistic and this stuff is hard for us - we shouldn’t be so hard on ourselves about it. 

Yes, I hear you. Acceptance  

Yes absolututely, I've been doing this since I was about 6 years old I think. It started after I realised that I wasn't getting on with people and I wanted to analyse it to see if I could work out where I'd gone wrong. Over the years I learned what to say from copying other people, but because most of the time it's not natural to me I still make lots of social mistakes. Therefore I still feel that I need to go over almosst every interaction with people, to either reassure myself that I got it right, or to try to learn how to uimprove if I got it wrong. I'm 52 and sure this will never stop. Like everyone says here it's really exhausting!

Thank you

This resonates with me. I often feel sick after speaking in a meeting at work or after a social event. Even though I’m sure it was actually fine. From what others have told me I don’t think this is 100% unique to  us  as autistic people (apparently introverted NTs also feel a bit of this), but I do think it’s harder for us because of the exhaustion factor (being exhausted by taking part in the event and being exhausted thinking about it afterwards). I like what others have said here about mechanisms for coping with this feeling. 

Thank you. I’m going to action this tomorrow.

TismTisnt said:

Is there anything I can routinely do to stop the lengthy mental torture of it keep coming back in my mind trying to work out the truth & facts and feel ok?

I use mindfulness to review the discussion, work out what I understood from it, maybe make a note on something I need to research later and make a note of any tasks that need doing as a result of it.

Once the important stuff is captured on paper and added to a calendar them I can categorise this as dealt with and move on to the next thing.

Mindfulness gives me the discipline to shut down the thought loops you talk about, largely because I can look at the notepad and prove I have got a hard copy of anything important that still needs to be taken care of, that I hace notes of things I need to look up if I'm uncertain and if I have any issues around how I feel about something then I have booked a time to sit down and work through this with the help of the emotions wheel and a notepad.

All the uncertainty is nailed down, to-do items are on the list and I have no need to waste effort on thinking about it again.

That's my approach and it works well for me - it isn't easy to master mindfulness but it is a potent tool.

This article might not suit everyone's situation.  However, I found it to be useful to read / think upon further:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/women-with-autism-spectrum-disorder/202312/how-to-get-out-of-an-autistic-thought-loop

I have warmed to the concept of considering the scenario as a "thought loop" - as opposed to the more medicalised / deficit-origin-based / judgemental-sounding terminology which may sometimes be more usually associated with my Autism experience on this topic!

Always and it's exhausting, the worry that I might have inadvertantly upset someone, wondering if overthinking every iinteraction is actually effecting my memory of events? It's so exhausting it's a big reason why I socialise so rarely and with so few people

Thank you.

Oh I've always done it, and always do. 

Even now. Even here.  

It's just over-thinking after the fact.  

Here's an NAS link of Autism and Catastrophising.  This may help you 

www.autism.org.uk/.../autism-catastrophising

Just spoke to my Dad on the phone for half an hour n he is the same. It does help to talk others who is experience the same. It can help to make light of it sometimes. 

Hahaha exactly like that! Drives me mad. Really helps me to accept and let go somewhat to know it is because I am autistic. 
‘another go round’ hahahaha that’s so funny. Exactly what happens. 

Thanks for your reply. It actually helps to know I’m not alone

Ditto for me, quite often replay conversations and try and evaluate how things went, where I went wrong, what should I have said or maybe not said....yes I can spend a lot of time. Even though I tell myself what is done is done, I still go back to it....not really found a way to manage it but find it does eventually go away in time...at least that particular conversation.Although they sometimes resurface randomly for another go around.....

I struggle with the exact same thing !! It’s so hard socialising when you go through this every time. Wish I could offer some advice but it’s something I also struggle with. You’re not alone in this :(