Published on 12, July, 2020
This might seem a strange one or it's more common than I realise, either way, I'd be grateful for any answers.
Anyways, I'm 51 yrs old, recently diagnosed as autistic as mentioned here previously and trying to get to grips with things, like alexithymia and autism inertia but thats another story.
For 40 odd years of my life, I never truly had friends, I had acquaintances that lasted a couple of years and petered out, for the 1st time, I now have genuine friends, I have 6 friends that have been part of my 40's and now in my 50's, 13 years in total, 2 of them are from a very famous thrash metal band and attended my 50th birthday party.
I keep questioning why they are friends with me, what have I done to get such brilliant and solid friendships, I jokingly say it's because they are 500 miles away, just recently, one of them said they were coming up to Scotland and invited me to come up and spend the night with them, I must admit, I cried, He and his wife have done this a few times before but since my autism diagnosis, I found myself being more weepy than usual.
Is it normal to be constantly questioning yourself why you have real friends?
Craig said:I keep questioning why they are friends with me
I too am in my 50s and recently diagnosed and have felt this way.
I am finding this forum very reassuring as I see people just like me supporting each other.
I did have that problem in the past. Even now I'm like, "what do they even see in me? Surely everyone who rejected me (everyone else in the world) are the correct ones?".
It might get easier.
I'm sure you will. Connecting with people on the basis of shared interests is a good place to start!
What an excellent compliment :)
That sounds great! I am 24 and I have no real strong friendships, except for my siblings. I thought I had good friends before, but I maybe they weren't as strong as I'd thought and I'm also just terrible at keeping in touch. I am more sociable than ever before but I am struggling to find anyone who I actually connect with. I hope that when I am your age then I will have longterm, genuine friends.
Maybe what you're feeling is imposter syndrome, which is common. But like someone else said, this is a good situation you're in!
To have what feels like genuine friends is what many us aspire to, because everyone at some level needs some kind of connection with others. That they are supportive to you and want to be around you are all great things. I would accept the situation, I'm happy for you.
Sometimes our innate likeability can come as a surprise. After telling an old friend of mine (since schooldays) of my very late ASD diagnosis he said this, amongst other things equally complimentary, "I am surprised, but pleased that you feel you have an explanation for who you are. I have always found you to be delightful company, engaged and engaging. Humorous, generous of spirit and unashamedly individual." Needless to say I was enormously touched.
Hi Craig,
I wouldn't look a gift horse in the mouth, as they say!
I would make the most of it.
I totally relate to the autism inertia. Meeting them on their visit will do you good.
Don't even worry about crying about these things. I guess you're a bit depressed maybe?
All my closest friends live far away. I wouldn't put yourself down about that either.
I'm not sure , I don't have anyone who i would call a close friend. Although i do know a few people who i would call acquaintances . I did have a close friend when i as at school 40 years ago but we lost touch after leaving school.