Published on 12, July, 2020
...Autism is a spectrum and everyone is different. What characterises a diagnosis of autism is if it has an impact on ones daily life. I am classed as "high functioning" but currently do not know what this means. Overload as a result from doing less than what someone who is not autistic can do. This means currently bare minimum of activity because intolerance and sensory input cannot be regulated. Working hours are reduced because of the struggle to cope with full time even though preference is to work more. The load is primarily from executive function difficulties which also include the social aspect and sensory. Fatigue on a daily basis which impacts everything. So, when people make throwaway comments like "we're all a bit autistic" or "I think my dog is a bit autistic" (yes, I was present), or labels like "high functioning", or someone gets imposter syndrome thinking they are "not autistic enough", just remember - the difficulties faced - on a daily basis - which many people do not face. I'm not saying no-one else has problems, but they are of a different kind.
In my case my biggest problem currently is emotional regulation, which also connects directly to sensory input. If it’s too much going on I’m gonna cry or get panic attack. In fact it’s much better with ear protection, noise is not only stimuli existing. I also feel that I get exhausted much easier than other people and periodically I get a feeling like my body is stuck in a swamp (I feel like I’m not in full control of my body and I get clumsier than usual) I asked my ND colleague if he also experiences something like this and he said, he does not know such feeling and it must some neurological disorder.
To me high functioning means that I don’t have high support needs. It’s good that this term is not officially used in diagnosis, because to me it sounds a bit offensive (I’m not sure why, maybe because of my association of this term with devices and systems) human being is somehow a device and system technically but it’s much more than that. I don’t know if it makes sense.