Published on 12, July, 2020
Dear Anyone.
Over the last 45-ish years, I've been beaten up too many times to even think about counting at school, out of school, in/out of flats..... I had so many of the flats they put me in in London burgled empty they moved me to Hastings, where I spent 20 years having all the ones they put me in there burgled empty. Got banned everywhere because of how everyone treated the ugly sod in places - it was easier to ban me than to ban the others. Tried joining loads of disabled groups - nope - too ugly for them too. Got put into a Group Home with LOADS of wonderful classes and outings going on - for all the others. Me? They couldn't get funding for me so I couldn't go on any of them. Offered to pay my own way - nope - they weren't set up for that so I didn't get to go on any. They had parties and all sorts in the Communal Area - wasn't allowed to those, couldn't get the funding. Tried volunteering all over the place, nope - there's a neurotypical barrier there. Neurotypicals LURVE to think they're The Bosses, everyone else doesn't deserve to be in their world. And so they ghettoize everyone who doesn't fit their particular thinking patternsSo after spending at least 35 years having all my teeth kicked out, going to 2 disability colleges whose other inmates wouldn't let me join in with any extracurricular activities either (and getting lots of my stuff smashed up in them but I couldn't prove who'd done it, never being allowed to join in with groups because the others wouldn't let me, being too scared to go into meals unless the single-person table was free....) and having boiling water chucked over me giving me permanent ulcers, I got moved to Brighton. Where I get banned all over the place because people complain about having to look at me. Including the Asperger's group - by a neurotypical - because she didn't want me 'infecting' the others. I sure got the bum's rush after 3 visits. Spent the first decade here exactly the same as everywhere else - trying to make friends, THINKING I've made friends then realising they were just trying to get into my place to steal stuff. Never see that kind of thing coming - keep thinking 'don't tar everyone with the same brush, just because the other jokers did it doesn't mean this one will'. Had a guy say he'd help me put shelves up. So he came round - and started yelling he'd smash me up with a hammer if I didn't give him money. He smashed up my worktop pretty good but I got him in a painful face-hold and got him out of there, sans hammer! But it's just - over half a century I've never had friends, dates, been out with groups, all that's ever happened is I've been kicked out of places, towns, areas, been accused of being everything from a child molester ('Look at him. You can SEE that f'in weirdo's gotta be something!') to anything else they can think of. All my flats, save this one, burgled empty and I've had people trying to saw holes in my door to get in here! I've volunteered and applied for everything I've ever seen to volunteer or apply for, been turned down for the lot for reasons including 'other customers wouldn't like looking at him', 'knives, he'd go Jason Voorhees on us', 'Nah, you run along and play with your little friends, dear'. All - of course! - from neurotypicals. Though to be fair I've had it just as bad from other disabled people - the ones in the two disability colleges I went to weren't any more accepting. (Usual reason - after seeing me - is 'You need 2 References, one from a previous employer'. They KNOW they're safe with that - I've GOT no previous employers. Got 16 quals. including an HND though, they always got me as far as interviews, then the interviewers saw The Face....)Just been banned from 2 more places in a nearby town because of complaints about having to look at me. Not that I'd done anything WRONG, just because they had to look at me! Please, do I just accept that this is my life and I have to put up with it all, or is there a way out? Any ideas? Yours respectfullyChris.
Your determination to keep going out there and trying is commendable. I've volunteered online before by doing transcription and paperwork for a group, and they didn't need to see my face for any of that, and I got to put that experience on my resume, and use them as references to get a job. There are self employed, freelance jobs you could do online, like Fiverr. Maybe you could do voice acting or something. There is also Taskrabbit, which is also self employed work, where you could help people move furniture, fix things, or put together furniture for them.
There have also been stories of people sharing their experiences of being ugly or disfigured in a video online, and they talk about the hardships they've faced just due to how they look, and once people know their story, they tend to be more sympathetic and open to that person. Hopefully, the right people will enter your life and give you support.