Published on 12, July, 2020
I wish I were automatically able to multi-task without having to struggle at it - even though multi-tasking is something that is not possible for those on the autism spectrum. I also wish people would stop with the lack of empathy! I just wish my parents would stop accusing me of making excuses for myself when I clearly find myself becoming overwhelmed as a result of sensory overload. It's not that I don't use my brain OR that my head isn't screwed on properly. Having an autistic brain means that I struggle to get my fragile brain to work the same way as that of a neurotypical. I try to think before carrying out any type of task - I only end up going into sensory overload followed by meltdowns/shutdowns. I don’t get why life is so meaningless and unpleasant for someone with my mental condition.
I don't expect to be able to cope when I start living on my own - I see myself being unable to cope with life. I'm not even keen on living in any house or apartment, I am considering looking at residential mental health care facilities for autistic adults until I get referred for mental health support and provided with a special needs mental health team.
If a person commits a task into muscle memory, they'll be able to do that task without thinking much about it. But if it's your first time doing a task, that's not going to be possible.
You should learn a task in small steps, and think about each step you're doing. But as you get more and more familiar with it, you get to the point that you don't have to think about it as much anymore, and it gets easier and easier to do. And then one day you'll just do that task without thinking much about it, and you might have the ability to incorporate other tasks alongside with it.
Also, people pressuring you into doing an unfamiliar task, asking you to multi-task multiple unfamiliar things, isn't going to work, and it's no wonder that all the pressure is going to overwhelm you and cause a meltdown.
Sensory overload is very hard to deal with, as the brain is already trying to process so many things in its environment, that anything more is a lot to handle. I've also had many people tell me how "lazy" I was, or how I was always making up "excuses." They were very angry at me, but if I had the option to do whatever they could do so easily, I would! No one would willing choose to be ridiculed! What do they think I gain from this? A meltdown? Is that something prize-worthy?
If you do any task, you should be given it in small steps, and given enough time to learn how to do it. I hope you'll be given the right kind of support for your life.