Published on 12, July, 2020
People say I am not an alcoholic. I think they must be deluded. I have been known to drink before going to groups etc. don’t get me wrong it helps in the moment. But should I be doing it? Probably not. Should I be lying to people? No. But it feels like I can’t help it. It makes me feel so good in the moment. I am like someone who loves chocolate and can’t stop themselves from eating it. Except I don’t really care for chocolate. Alcohol is my chocolate. It puts my mind at ease and relaxes my body which is usually flooded with stress and discomfort. I’ve yet to find my own alternative to alcohol. I sought help and they told me ‘you’re not an alcoholic’ ‘you just like a drink like everyone else’ and discharged me. I am not dissing them or anything but I don’t know am I an alcoholic? If I am drinking before social events and hiding it does that not automatically make me an alcoholic? Why do people think there is nothing wrong with me when I feel that there is? These are all some of the questions I ask myself. I defos think I am an alcoholic but everyone else thinks I am normal and don’t have a problem. Life is strange. It’s like I am getting the okay to drink from everyone. Can’t be right though I am going back to the doctor! I just have the feeling in my heart that I am not supposed to drink and that I need help. The help I believe I need is anticonvulsants as I do tend to get fits when I am in bed trying to sleep it’s pretty worriesome. But again I am the only person worried about it. Everyone says it’s fine just leave it! But I am not crazy I know I am right in my heart!
Having lived with an alcoholic and watched them slowly kill themselves makes you somewhat wary about the booze. Do not get me wrong I will drink in a social setting but these are few and far between these days.
We all need a crutch sometimes. Mine is I need something to calm my mind as it is constantly going round and round. I have tried CBD capsules which do calm me.
Here is a question regarding alcohol, do you need it everyday otherwise you feel ill or at ease?
Yeh I fell I need it or else I feel ill. I also need it to calm my mind
What concerns me from my experience of this as an issue, is that it can be different for autistic people than others.
I don't think seeing this as an addiction and following the default process is safe, for autistic people alcohol isn't just an addiction, sometimes not addicted at all, just dependant on it for social situations. it's a coping mechanism that when taken away could cause some serious harm unless the actual issue of coping is addressed alongside the issue of substance abuse and addiction.
I think there needs to be consideration for this factor too.
I get you. However, that does not sound good I would suggest talking to your GP practice, go to an AA meeting as they will be able to signpost you to other avenues of support.