Published on 12, July, 2020
People say I am not an alcoholic. I think they must be deluded. I have been known to drink before going to groups etc. don’t get me wrong it helps in the moment. But should I be doing it? Probably not. Should I be lying to people? No. But it feels like I can’t help it. It makes me feel so good in the moment. I am like someone who loves chocolate and can’t stop themselves from eating it. Except I don’t really care for chocolate. Alcohol is my chocolate. It puts my mind at ease and relaxes my body which is usually flooded with stress and discomfort. I’ve yet to find my own alternative to alcohol. I sought help and they told me ‘you’re not an alcoholic’ ‘you just like a drink like everyone else’ and discharged me. I am not dissing them or anything but I don’t know am I an alcoholic? If I am drinking before social events and hiding it does that not automatically make me an alcoholic? Why do people think there is nothing wrong with me when I feel that there is? These are all some of the questions I ask myself. I defos think I am an alcoholic but everyone else thinks I am normal and don’t have a problem. Life is strange. It’s like I am getting the okay to drink from everyone. Can’t be right though I am going back to the doctor! I just have the feeling in my heart that I am not supposed to drink and that I need help. The help I believe I need is anticonvulsants as I do tend to get fits when I am in bed trying to sleep it’s pretty worriesome. But again I am the only person worried about it. Everyone says it’s fine just leave it! But I am not crazy I know I am right in my heart!
work out how many units you are drinking per week and how many days you are drinking. If it’s only at social occasions then I would say it’s more of a social crutch or enabler. I started drinking when still at school, I got it down to weekends and social functions, i fully get that if you drink enough it’s like turning autism off or reducing the affects of it. Strangely enough neurotypical people still see you are different. It’s a bit like watching an AI person on tv, if you look closely enough you can see the ripples in it.
I found I couldn’t have one drink, also I never woke up wanting a drink, so I can’t be an alcoholic. Drinking had crept up to 4 days a week, I was most probably drinking about 80 units a week and what I would term a functioning alcoholic. Don’t dismiss AA, a friend went and was surprised there was people there from all walks of life, doctors, teachers, office workers and tradespeople. Speak to your GP and get advice from them. My GP showed me a chart on his computer, I was in the when something is going to happen group, not if. I’ve not had a drink for over 10 weeks, I know that isn’t long but I do feel a lot better, I actually have less anxiety. It’s getting to where I think about it less and less. Something I have learnt is, if a social occasion is going to be very overwhelming then don’t go, don’t do something because it’s expected of you, they don’t have to pay the price for it.