Published on 12, July, 2020
Hey everyone, the name of this thread may sound a bit dangerous or ridiculous. But it’s related to my issue. While having a meal I write with cutlery or with finger in the air. I can describe the feeling of it as my brain goes to some different state and I forget where I am and what I’m doing, I can merely control myself, what I write in the air is usually some words of a conversation that I hear from other room or from outside, or my own thoughts echoing in my head. Is it some sort of echolalia or stimming… I have no idea. Quite often I also repeat words in whisper but this is less noticeable. Writing with cutlery in the air however looks hmm crazy or weird. It’s not an issue on daily basis because I usually eat alone and I happily do what I want. But soon I have to attend my brothers wedding. I decided to not skip it, ans I anlways happily do with other holidays and parties, although it’s gonna be tough for me, so many people and everything around. I’m not gonna stay long but I wanna show up. Writing with a fork in a restaurant would be embarrassing, I think it’s even understatement. Is there anyone who can relate to this? Any answer or advise would be appreciated. This forum is the only place where I can share it. My family has already seen me with the fork in the air and I don’t want to cite what they said about it. It also happened to me in a public place few times in the past. I do it for years.
I once, when I was 14 years of age, had a complete stranger identify me as my Father's Daughter ("You're Mr X's girl !!!") ...merely on the basis that, as the man observed to me (apparently, as I really had not noticed myself before) we both "talk with our hands" (as my family call it) in the same way - in some situations (frustrated / enthusiastic / exasperated / stressed / celebrating something / horrified or disgusted about something / pointing out some safety aspect / explaining somehting ...and more! ...i.e. probably all the feelings / emotions we wouldn't ourselves know we were experiencing at the time if you were to ask us about it) - one or more of our hands held up outstretched gesticulating in some detail (maybe trying to convey the magnitude of what we need to express?) in the air in front of us / off one side of us. So, thanks for that revelation random guy!. Nothing to see here! Nothing additional / new to add to the list of potential sources of embarrassment then?
If it works well for us - which I believe it probably does, it is possibly really quite important to us - I feel that I need to resist the temptation to suppress the technique.
That said, something which I have taken to doing e.g. when I know I am attending something potentially particularly stressful (like large family gatherings, or training courses or a long bus / train journey) I put in my bag a small (A6 sized), ring-bound plain paper sketchpad (so it sits open / flat on the table next to my place setting / on my lap, along with pen with it's own clip or a propelling pencil with it's own clip (clip the pen / pencil on the notepad when not in use so I don't keep droppping it). Then, when my brain seems to need an escape / distraction / input I can write some notes or doodle or sketch something or plan something more interesting I would like to look forward to doing another time. People are generally not usually particularly interested in what I am doing with my notepad. I have just been able to take a brain-mini-break-in-situ - which is less of anybody else's business. I am happy to call that a small win.