Published on 12, July, 2020
I just had my first in life appointment with a therapist. I described her my issues with my own words. Her conclusion was that I have a lot of autistic traits. I told her that autism already was mentioned when I was a kid. She confirmed that I do have hyper sensitivities (lights, noise and smells) and I have issues with interoception, that I have issues with social interactions and communication, intense special interests, which she seemed interested with, repetitive behaviors, routine, stimming, I need more loneliness than other people. She asked me if I want to get a referral for diagnosis, she added that this is a very fashionable diagnosis these days and a lot of people adults contact her to get a referral. This is not my goal, I’m not thinking about it for few private reasons, but I feel like totally misunderstood. She said if I was truly autistic I wouldn’t be married and have daughter and even one friend (she is friend of my life, for 20 years, but living in another country). Is she right? Is it impossible for autistic people to be in a happy relationship? Or to have child/children? Should I stick to this therapist or change? I don’t have issues with leaving home, because since my childhood I used to escape home many times due to violence at home. I actually found peace in the streets with my favorite music on Walkman. The Therapist told me that she is amazed how I managed anxiety and PTSD on my own, also depression when I was a teenager. Now I feel much better but I still need support, I take seronil for anxiety that sometimes comes back and it helps with little side effects. The therapist seemed to not acknowledge how hard and traumatic was my school experience because of bullying and teachers treating me like I exaggerated “yeah it is loud, but it’s not that bad dont be so sensitive”. I was told so many times, that I’m a weirdo, that there is something wrong with me and I need to change/be fixed, that I’m literally tired of this world. What I feel, and it took me years to realise it- is that I feel like not fully grown up, like a child functioning in the crazy world and trying hard to cope with it. I often had to hide at work to not show others myself crying for no reason (reason - too much information, too many new people at once, noise and strong lights, transitions between rooms etc). Does anyone else feel this way? What would you advise about the therapy with this lady? Sorry for very long post. Any thoughts will be appreciated.
Hi Alienated Human
Sorry to hear about your experience. This "therapist" would say I'm not autistic either, as I've been married for over 40 years. But that's a very unscientific measure of autism, and suggests that maybe she tells neurotypical people who can't find a partner that they must be autistic?
This is why I decided not to pursue a referral for a "formal" diagnosis, because of a fear of being mis-diagnosed. The GP I was with then was actually much better informed and kinder than your therapist - he advised which tests to do and asked me to send him the results and then agreed with me, but advised that a formal diagnosis would not get me any help. As I was working and didn't actually need any support. I came onto this forum and asked people about the process, and decided to stay self diagnosed. I instantly felt at home here, which was better than any "validation" from a psychiatrist .
It will take you time to find your true self, but you will hopefully find support on this forum.
Thank you, yes I’m also gonna stay self diagnosed as for now at least because I dont need any external support in my everyday tasks. I hate some noises but there is simple solution- earplugs, with them it’s even easier for me to spend more time with my beloved “crowd of noisy people” - husband and daughter. I decided to tell my husband honestly and to my surprise he understood and told me he loves me as I am without judging wether I have some disorder or not. I didn’t change I just unmasked a bit and I’m happy to see that he didn’t reject me. Another reason for me to stay currently self diagnosed is fear from Jugendamt (child welfare office). Of course such institution is needed, but the way they work is really often immoral. The unity and happiness of my family is the most important thing for me, so I better stay off the radar.