Published on 12, July, 2020
I just had my first in life appointment with a therapist. I described her my issues with my own words. Her conclusion was that I have a lot of autistic traits. I told her that autism already was mentioned when I was a kid. She confirmed that I do have hyper sensitivities (lights, noise and smells) and I have issues with interoception, that I have issues with social interactions and communication, intense special interests, which she seemed interested with, repetitive behaviors, routine, stimming, I need more loneliness than other people. She asked me if I want to get a referral for diagnosis, she added that this is a very fashionable diagnosis these days and a lot of people adults contact her to get a referral. This is not my goal, I’m not thinking about it for few private reasons, but I feel like totally misunderstood. She said if I was truly autistic I wouldn’t be married and have daughter and even one friend (she is friend of my life, for 20 years, but living in another country). Is she right? Is it impossible for autistic people to be in a happy relationship? Or to have child/children? Should I stick to this therapist or change? I don’t have issues with leaving home, because since my childhood I used to escape home many times due to violence at home. I actually found peace in the streets with my favorite music on Walkman. The Therapist told me that she is amazed how I managed anxiety and PTSD on my own, also depression when I was a teenager. Now I feel much better but I still need support, I take seronil for anxiety that sometimes comes back and it helps with little side effects. The therapist seemed to not acknowledge how hard and traumatic was my school experience because of bullying and teachers treating me like I exaggerated “yeah it is loud, but it’s not that bad dont be so sensitive”. I was told so many times, that I’m a weirdo, that there is something wrong with me and I need to change/be fixed, that I’m literally tired of this world. What I feel, and it took me years to realise it- is that I feel like not fully grown up, like a child functioning in the crazy world and trying hard to cope with it. I often had to hide at work to not show others myself crying for no reason (reason - too much information, too many new people at once, noise and strong lights, transitions between rooms etc). Does anyone else feel this way? What would you advise about the therapy with this lady? Sorry for very long post. Any thoughts will be appreciated.
Alienatedhuman said:She said if I was truly autistic I wouldn’t be married and have daughter and even one friend
This shows the therapist has a very tenuous grasp of autism. With it being a spectrum "disorder" then we all have a scattering of traits at different severities so using such a broad brush to tar you with is just plain uninformed.
Alienatedhuman said:What would you advise about the therapy with this lady?
I would thank her for her time but point out that she has a outdated and incomplete understanding of neurodivergence so her recommendations are not proving helpful. Ask her to update her knowledge before treating further patients.
Then I would find a therapist who does know their stuff and spend your money and time with them.
I wouldn't go back to be honest, lots of autistic people are married and have happy relationships and children. People who are autistic can have long term friendships too. Don't let this persons ignorance make you doubt yourself. There is a lot more awareness of Autism now and naturally more people are coming forward for diagnosis, its not fashionable, it just showing how underdiagnosed it's been particularly in women. Don't forget that Autism was only really recognised in the 1970's and then it was thought to only affect boys, its taken years for it to be recognised in women.
When you seek another therapist, remember you are paying them, and interview them as much as they are interviewing you, especially for the first appointment. To have any sort of theraputic relationship you need to have trust, its a big ask to trust someone with your innermost being and your most traumatic memories, the trust has to go both ways.
Thank you very much, I thought so, but I wasn’t sure if maybe I’m exaggerating (self gaslit) for me the term “fashionable diagnosis” is hurting. It’s not fashionable, it’s a real struggle in life, rejection, being told endlessly that you’re broken and there is something wrong with you and it sounds like she thinks it’s just to get attention and to be cool. I have some reasons to not seek diagnosis right now, but what I need is some support in my mental health. Thank you for your advice.
Alienatedhuman said:but what I need is some support in my mental health
I hope you are able to seek such support with a therapist who truly understands you.