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For anyone who has suffered loss

St
21 days ago

Something happens when you lose people you love , the grieving never ends nothing is ever the same , you can't move on , it's not human to expect that you could but if you spend all of your days and nights remembering then your life is suffering and your health physical and mental will suffer , keep items that help you feel comfort and keep the connection with the person or people you've lost and if it helps make a time to remeber and grieve daily , weekly, monthly whatever helps try to seperate and remember that separating is not forgetting and moving on , it's the opposite , it is a way to not disrespecting your lost loved ones by neglecting yourself in life and love , you should never stop living and start dying , try to ground yourself with structure and organisation on a level that works not too much too soon but what is right for you , if it's one step forward then two steps back there is no shame tomorrow it may be two steps forward and one back and on another it may be two steps forward, you'll live every day with a void in your life and a sadness in your heart there will be no escape from that but you'll only ever make the world a sadder place if you never live again and you'll only ever kill youself once , I am ill with love , I am very sad and it never ends .

  • 20 days ago in reply to Rosie Mod

    Thank you for watching over us.

  • 20 days ago
    St said:
    I am ill with love , I am very sad and it never ends .

    Hello St, sorry to hear you are suffering.

    One thing I found always helped me when I was in a dark place following the death of my father was to think what he would have wanted. He would not have wanted me wallowing in grief but to feel the pain, understand it and then move on with life, remembering him in a positive way.

    Perhaps try to think about the positive things of the one you loved, remember with a positive state of mind and celebrate their life rather than simply mourning their absence.

    A grief counseller with expereince of autism is likely to be a real help (I'm assuming you are autistic as you are posting on a discussion board for autists).

    Change the focus from you missing them to remembering them positively. What would they want, what did they do and try to preserve the positives. If you keep the focus on your own pain because they are not there then try to see this as selfish. It is a natural part of the grieving process but it needs to be put away after a while to stop it consuming you - and swapping the celebration of them for your personal loss is the trade that is typically used.

    I'm not very elegant in my explanation but the grief counsellor is likely to be trained on how to provide this help in a more tailored manner.

  • 20 days ago

    Dear St,

    I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time, it’s good that you’ve let us know how you feel. Many people have similar thoughts when coping with so much and we hope you’re okay.  

    You may like to have a look at the mental health section of our website which has useful links to information and advice about a range of mental health issues: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health  

     

    The information on our bereavement page may be of particular interest: https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/bereavement   

      

    If you are unable to cope with the distress or despair, it’s very important to tell someone about your feelings or thoughts of suicide. Call your GP and make an urgent appointment. Your GP can make sure you get appropriate help and support. 

      

    If it’s outside your GP hours call 111 to reach the NHS 111 service: 

    https://www.nhs.uk/nhs-services/urgent-and-emergency-care-services/when-to-use-111/ 

      

    The Samaritans also provide confidential non-judgemental emotional support, 24 hours a day on 116 123, or by email on jo@samaritans.org. 

      

    MIND have information pages on coping with self harm or suicidal feelings based on the experiences of people who’ve been through it that you may find helpful.  

      

    If you are very close to doing something to hurt yourself - call 999 now or go to your nearest A&E department. There should be someone there to support you and make sure you get ongoing support. 

      

    You can find more information here: 

    https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/suicide 

    Kind Regards,

    Rosie Mod