vorfreude? ...the anticipation of joy!

I avoid looking forward to anything and try and live in the moment, I also read this article ans was confused by it. My first thought was about setting yourself up for failure, what if the anticipated thing dosen't happen? I think I have adrenal burnout so my reations to things can be a bit extreme, I either dont' react at all or I go overboard, there's no such thing as good adreniline for me. I find the disapointment and crash in mood of something I look forward to not happening overwhelming, I also get myself worked up with hyperanticipation which makes the event never as good as I imagined or I end up not being able to do it as I'm a nervous wreck.

I can relate to a lot of this!

I did some CBT a while ago which was in some ways useful, one of the focus points was "being present" , thinking too far back makes people depressed, thinking too far forward to things we can't predict can make us stressed and anxious.

I overthink and script a lot, so I'd spend too much time doing that and trying to anticipate every eventuality if I think about events in the future, I usually think on the black side too so I worry about things going wrong. 

I find I'm far better just living in the day I'm in , but I find it extremely hard to do so, something I'm working hard on doing because it really seems to be helping me with my anxiety. 

It's more an issue to those around me though, I get told "don't worry that's ages away yet" if I think ahead, but get "why won't you look into booking a holiday, don't you want to go?!" (And other similar things) By my wife quite often if I don't.

I find a lot of people are a bit "no sooner done than thought about" and it drives me mad, I like to take time making descisions and don't want to be rushed into things. I get accused of being indesicive which I'm not, I just dont' want to be bounced into things and there are some things, like getting a new mattress which I need, I want to see them in person and see how they feel rather than get one online and then find it's not what I want.

Glad your appointment went ok, sounds like a good strategy. I imagine it's scary, I've been trying to not script and forward think recently and it's harder than you think, hard habit to break and also makes events feel daunting.

I like the idea of having things broken down, I seem to fixate on events, if they're planned a long time ahead I can spend the whole time ruminating and worrying about them, ruining the time between. maybe having smaller milestones might give me something to focus on that's not as far out of scary.

One of the entries in the article which caught my attention was this one:

“The trick lies in filling our calendar with lots of little moments to look forward to – like tiny baubles that, when seen from a distance, combine to make a more glittering future."

(I find the language the person above in the article used to be really far too flowery for my comfort ...and yet, I still wanted to attempt taking up something of the strength the concept might afford me).

An example from trialling the above concept, albeit from my own perspective today;

- I knew in my calendar (this afternoon) I had a particularly daunting physical health appointment.  (I had reason to suspect it would be something of a horror-show-experience for my personal navigation).  

- I found out that the two people from which I would ideally have wished to ask either one to accompany me to this important appointment ...were, unfortunately, both unable to attend this afternoon (each for a very good life-topic reason). 

- I realised I needed to (somehow) bolster my own reserves in preparation to attend my appointment solo. 

- (I really needed to attend this appointment.  It is not easy for me to get a good outcome from such NHS encounters.  I tried thinking about it this way: was there anything that I could do to try and get myself (mentally, physically and emotionally) into a better prepared / focussed state - beforehand - to give myself the best chance of getting through the appointment plus achieve the necessary outcome and next steps?  I needed to try something new / different). 

- In an effort to nudge myself in the general correct direction.  I decided to add something to my calendar for the the same day, in the morning, 

- It might sound of little consequence, even rather trite (but I was prepareed to give it a go).  Despite the heavy rain this morning, I decided to visit a favourite Garden Centre - to see if they had some of the vegetable seeds I might be able to focus upon the (valued by me) forward route for tasks to complete later in April / May.  (To some extent thereby distracting myself from the daunting apointment and it's potential unpleasant follow up steps across the same timeline).

Well, how does anyone judge "success" amongst that battleground?  I am surely not an expert on that front.

What I can say (just to remind myself, if nobody else - as my two trusted potential "go-to" people are still incapacitated, emotionally as much as anything - so I am not adding all this into their respective "In Tray") included: I did get myself to the Garden Centre (despite not feeling enthused about the weather and the sheer effort while I was worried).  The rain actually meant it was not busy with loads of people (good news).  The member of Staff was really pleasant to me (I was pleased to have realised that was very timely experience - as it happened - despite my being preoccupied about this afternoon).  They did have some vegetable seeds which I was pleased to buy.  I can now see April / May now as a dual-track of activities (optional pleasant gardening plus mandatory unpleasant medical matters).  I attended the medical appointment this afternoon (despite flying solo).  The objective of that appointment was conducted / completed without the prior anticipated drama / serious stress / poor outcome.  Sure, it was far from fun - but the clinician and I got through it OK.  While I am still dreading the follow up steps - maybe I can repeat the strategy I trialled today? 

As a result, I have decided that; I am prepared to continue to try peppering my calendar (across April / May) with some more "stepping stones" in this style - to try and, at least, buffer the journey in my favour along the way.  "Needs must" ...and all that.

One of the entries in the article which caught my attention was this one:

“The trick lies in filling our calendar with lots of little moments to look forward to – like tiny baubles that, when seen from a distance, combine to make a more glittering future."

(I find the language the person above in the article used to be really far too flowery for my comfort ...and yet, I still wanted to attempt taking up something of the strength the concept might afford me).

An example from trialling the above concept, albeit from my own perspective today;

- I knew in my calendar (this afternoon) I had a particularly daunting physical health appointment.  (I had reason to suspect it would be something of a horror-show-experience for my personal navigation).  

- I found out that the two people from which I would ideally have wished to ask either one to accompany me to this important appointment ...were, unfortunately, both unable to attend this afternoon (each for a very good life-topic reason). 

- I realised I needed to (somehow) bolster my own reserves in preparation to attend my appointment solo. 

- (I really needed to attend this appointment.  It is not easy for me to get a good outcome from such NHS encounters.  I tried thinking about it this way: was there anything that I could do to try and get myself (mentally, physically and emotionally) into a better prepared / focussed state - beforehand - to give myself the best chance of getting through the appointment plus achieve the necessary outcome and next steps?  I needed to try something new / different). 

- In an effort to nudge myself in the general correct direction.  I decided to add something to my calendar for the the same day, in the morning, 

- It might sound of little consequence, even rather trite (but I was prepareed to give it a go).  Despite the heavy rain this morning, I decided to visit a favourite Garden Centre - to see if they had some of the vegetable seeds I might be able to focus upon the (valued by me) forward route for tasks to complete later in April / May.  (To some extent thereby distracting myself from the daunting apointment and it's potential unpleasant follow up steps across the same timeline).

Well, how does anyone judge "success" amongst that battleground?  I am surely not an expert on that front.

What I can say (just to remind myself, if nobody else - as my two trusted potential "go-to" people are still incapacitated, emotionally as much as anything - so I am not adding all this into their respective "In Tray") included: I did get myself to the Garden Centre (despite not feeling enthused about the weather and the sheer effort while I was worried).  The rain actually meant it was not busy with loads of people (good news).  The member of Staff was really pleasant to me (I was pleased to have realised that was very timely experience - as it happened - despite my being preoccupied about this afternoon).  They did have some vegetable seeds which I was pleased to buy.  I can now see April / May now as a dual-track of activities (optional pleasant gardening plus mandatory unpleasant medical matters).  I attended the medical appointment this afternoon (despite flying solo).  The objective of that appointment was conducted / completed without the prior anticipated drama / serious stress / poor outcome.  Sure, it was far from fun - but the clinician and I got through it OK.  While I am still dreading the follow up steps - maybe I can repeat the strategy I trialled today? 

As a result, I have decided that; I am prepared to continue to try peppering my calendar (across April / May) with some more "stepping stones" in this style - to try and, at least, buffer the journey in my favour along the way.  "Needs must" ...and all that.

Glad your appointment went ok, sounds like a good strategy. I imagine it's scary, I've been trying to not script and forward think recently and it's harder than you think, hard habit to break and also makes events feel daunting.

I like the idea of having things broken down, I seem to fixate on events, if they're planned a long time ahead I can spend the whole time ruminating and worrying about them, ruining the time between. maybe having smaller milestones might give me something to focus on that's not as far out of scary.