Published on 12, July, 2020
I went through a traumatic event last year which I'm still recovering from.
Since the beginning of this year, I have only spoken to my therapist. She is the only person I feel comfortable talking to about everything. I feel safe, comfortable, and as though she tries to understand. I ambiguously talk about it in places like this too.
For most of last year, I spoke to two acquaintances I knew from work about it. At the time, I welcomed having people who wanted to speak to me. However, I struggled to convey what I was feeling to them. I tried my best, but I was met with "you need to forget about it, move on" but I couldn't explain why it wasn't that simple.
It all caught up with me and I decided that I didn't want to do it anymore. I didn't want to try and explain things to people who I didn't feel would understand, so I've avoided it completely. It's the same story with my immediate family; I had the "just forget about it" from my dad as recently as a week ago.
I did explain to one acquaintance where my head was at and they understood, and didn't pressure me to respond. I'm not easy to reach anyway - only about 4 people have my phone number, I'm on no social media either.
It's a weird one. On the one hand, I prefer keeping my distance while I sort my head out. However, re-entering society (or the thought of it) is feeling like a dead end prospect. I have basically latched onto my therapist, purely off the back of the fact she's supported me, not slammed the door in my face and tried to understand - the only person to have done. It means I've ended up falling in love with her. Well, a version of her that's emotionally available anyway - it's called transference in the therapy sphere.
I don't know if this is a unique thing to me. I imagine in most cases, you've got people who are there waiting for you when you're better. It's not really the case here for various reasons.
I'm not after advice, but I'm not necessarily venting either. I'm hoping I'm not on my own.
I'm sorry your going through this. But I'm glad you have your therapist to turn to for help when you need it. I think it's natural to feel close to your therapist, you can't open up and talk about so much without feeling a little close.It's good she's understanding and supportive of your situation.
I've got a therapist and she's trained in autism and I feel really close to her. I can talk to her about anything and nothing is too big or small, she listens, she understands me and it feels like I'm talking to a best friend rather than a therapist.
I hope you can continue working with yours and it she'll be able to help you work through the trauma you face.
I'm glad you have someone like that. I'm lucky that my therapist is autistic too.
That's really cool she's autistic. That itself must be reassuring for you. Mine is trained to help autistic people but I don't think she's actually on the spectrum.
Common autistic experience. I felt like I had zero connection with them which didn't work for me.