Published on 12, July, 2020
I am struggling with my husband (together for 7 years, he has ASD) correcting me.
Occasionally if I am coping well I can just not react and divert the situation. We also have a little one with complex medical needs and I have PTSD, so there is a lot going on that affects my ability to not react.
Other times I really don’t want to be corrected. Especially when he is challenging my memories of something, it feels like gaslighting (although I realise the intent is not the same). It feels like the cognitive dissonance required to have your memories questioned and ‘corrected’ is taking a significant toll on my mental health.
On occasions when I try and diffuse the situation he gets cross with me, especially if I say that it isn’t something I care to argue about.
On other occasions when I disagree, he cannot let the situation go. He gets very stuck in to correcting me. This is distressing for me. He then also states that he feels ‘unsafe’ and usually has a meltdown. This then results in him demanding an apology from me because he is upset.
Do other couples deal with this? Do you have ways of diverting it? Do you just agree, even if you don’t to keep the peace?
I would appreciate your experiences.
Of course from his point of view you were gaslighting him. You get that right? That’s why he’s reacting so badly and melting down. Because he feels really really sure that his recollection of events is correct. He is probably as sure about some of the small details, because autistic people tend to be good with small details, as he is about big important details.
you are questioning his ability to remember the small details is undermining his certainty that he can remember the big ones because he’s just a certain of the small details of the big ones.
Beyond that it’s very difficult to comment on this without an example or two.