Published on 12, July, 2020
I never feel like I quite belong anywhere, including my college. I'm so much more serious than others, even the teachers. Teachers give little guidance and are not knowledgeable, they usually make us give presentations and do research on our own on the internet. Today I asked one if they had recommendations about resources on the internet I could start my researching/googling from, they didn't. My college mates also suck, I tend to want to not think about how much I don't like them but it's true, they suck. They rarely have any passion for what they study, just want to get the bare minimum grade to pass the semester. I keep feeling guilty for not finding anyone likable, tell myself that there's gotta be something there that'll change my mind, but I always get disappointed, then start feeling more guilty.
Anyway, this was supposed to be more about how I'm tired of self learning. I'm just so exhausted from always being the only one who's responsible for my own motivation, and that I always have to guide myself on my own, and that my whole life is spent on the internet because of how it's really the only good source in this godforsaken place. I wish I wasn't so alone and that others were more serious.
Just tired of loneliness in general, keep feeling guilty, like it's my own doing that has made me isolated and estranged. I also have a lot of guilt for being culturally different from the people in my country, I can't help it, I prefer a more American culture, but I also feel guilty.
And if it helps, I'm studying Architecture (something which you need to be familiar with your own culture in, which kinda sucks for me).
don’t put to much pressure on yourself or worry if it’s something you did, you will not always get on with everyone and so many people are just unkind. when i was 17 I had to walk away from many people because i felt left out and I was being made fun of, talked about etc. back then I was undiagnosed too and every-time i was near people that i didn’t belong with I just froze and couldn’t say a word to them.
I also freeze and get completely quiet around people like that. Thanks so much for sharing! <3
Yeah I've been recently trying to just accept not everyone is kind and not everyone will be good to me, but it's hard because you also have to be careful to not be too pessimistic. Like, the other comments thought I was being self opinionted or looking down on others, but I'm just wondering that maybe I'm in the wrong group of people.
glad to know I’m not the only one. you’re welcome <3
that is good and i get that, I’m not a very optimistic person myself, a lot of the time I can be pessimistic, but it’s not right to be happy 24/7 and people do suffer from mental health conditions or other conditions that lessen their quality of life
. I don’t think you were being self opinionated at all, you were just being honest and expressing concern you had for your academics. not everyone will understand the message you’re putting out but that doesn’t mean it’s wrong!
thank you, that’s kind of you to say. you’re definitely not going insane at all, it’s completely normal to be worried about this sort of thing. and it’s okay, i like replying back to people it takes my mind off of things and helps me to focus better. take care of yourself too <3