Published on 12, July, 2020
I never feel like I quite belong anywhere, including my college. I'm so much more serious than others, even the teachers. Teachers give little guidance and are not knowledgeable, they usually make us give presentations and do research on our own on the internet. Today I asked one if they had recommendations about resources on the internet I could start my researching/googling from, they didn't. My college mates also suck, I tend to want to not think about how much I don't like them but it's true, they suck. They rarely have any passion for what they study, just want to get the bare minimum grade to pass the semester. I keep feeling guilty for not finding anyone likable, tell myself that there's gotta be something there that'll change my mind, but I always get disappointed, then start feeling more guilty.
Anyway, this was supposed to be more about how I'm tired of self learning. I'm just so exhausted from always being the only one who's responsible for my own motivation, and that I always have to guide myself on my own, and that my whole life is spent on the internet because of how it's really the only good source in this godforsaken place. I wish I wasn't so alone and that others were more serious.
Just tired of loneliness in general, keep feeling guilty, like it's my own doing that has made me isolated and estranged. I also have a lot of guilt for being culturally different from the people in my country, I can't help it, I prefer a more American culture, but I also feel guilty.
And if it helps, I'm studying Architecture (something which you need to be familiar with your own culture in, which kinda sucks for me).
Cosmo said:I'm just so exhausted from always being the only one who's responsible for my own motivation, and that I always have to guide myself on my ow
That is pretty much how the world works.
You can't rely on others to do anything for you so if you want to get on you have to do it yourself.
The same will apply post education when you start working, only then you will be hard pressed to find anyone who is really passionate and motivated by their job unless:
1 - they love the field in which they work
2 - they have a good manager
3 - the pay is good enough to have a decent standard of living
4 - the company is actually well run and doing decent things.
Don't let it put you off, rather think of it as you are seeing the world as it is and it can show you that applying yourself in the right areas will get you noticed and help you excel.
I would recommend learning to co-exist with the less motivated people however as you will be amongst them your whole life and nobody likes the self opinionated high achiever who looks down on others. Please don't become that person.
Try to find the good in others and focus on that, glossing over their failings. Find out what they are passionate about instead (it may be as mundane as their local 4th division football team) and see the parallels to your passion.
Learning to see the glass as half full is an important life survival skill in my experience.
Also, I think it's ok if you're not super passionate about your job, I'm actually not that passionate about architecture either. I just think that if you have a job, it's definitely your responsibility to do it well. I don't get upset if my class mates are just trying to get by, I know life is hard and not everyone has the same priorities, but you still have a responsibility. Buildings and architecture can really affect the quality of life, and I get if they're not passionate, but they can atleast do it decently and try, instead of paying to someone else to do the design and therfore learn nothing?