Published on 12, July, 2020
I never feel like I quite belong anywhere, including my college. I'm so much more serious than others, even the teachers. Teachers give little guidance and are not knowledgeable, they usually make us give presentations and do research on our own on the internet. Today I asked one if they had recommendations about resources on the internet I could start my researching/googling from, they didn't. My college mates also suck, I tend to want to not think about how much I don't like them but it's true, they suck. They rarely have any passion for what they study, just want to get the bare minimum grade to pass the semester. I keep feeling guilty for not finding anyone likable, tell myself that there's gotta be something there that'll change my mind, but I always get disappointed, then start feeling more guilty.
Anyway, this was supposed to be more about how I'm tired of self learning. I'm just so exhausted from always being the only one who's responsible for my own motivation, and that I always have to guide myself on my own, and that my whole life is spent on the internet because of how it's really the only good source in this godforsaken place. I wish I wasn't so alone and that others were more serious.
Just tired of loneliness in general, keep feeling guilty, like it's my own doing that has made me isolated and estranged. I also have a lot of guilt for being culturally different from the people in my country, I can't help it, I prefer a more American culture, but I also feel guilty.
And if it helps, I'm studying Architecture (something which you need to be familiar with your own culture in, which kinda sucks for me).
Also, no interesting architecture where I live, it sucks so much.
The other thing is university is supposed to be fun! I had a blast when I had my run. If you're lonely, why not join some of the university societies that'll be available? Or start engaging in the nightlife. Live a little.
That is what I wish, we really don't have clubs and such. That's why I say my life is mostly on the internet, we don't have resources.
No, I'm not judgemental, I actually have a huge hatred for judgment and that's why I said I feel guilty feeling this way. I replied to another person as well but I say again, these are observations not opinions : My college mates try to cancel classes, cheat all the time, pay to someone else to do their work, say things like : 'as long as we get a good grade' or 'who cares about[insert basic architecture principal]'. They also only care if the teachers are easy going, doesn't matter if they do no teaching and this is no exaggeration and not my opinion : They make us do the teaching, I'm not judging, this actually happens. I think I deserve to be upset when teachers don't teach but make us teach.
I don't think we have things like. What are university societies exactly if you don't mind explaining?
The other thing is university is supposed to be fun!
That is an important point.
Now is the time to make contacts that will last you well into your career - make time to speak to people, listen to them about their interests and grow your network of contacts.
Once you start work you never have the time for this so don't delay. Join clubs, go to social events (donesn't have to be nightclubs or parties) and get to know people.
Try to switch off your judgement of others and accept them for who & what they are - warts and all.
It can be done in small doses so it doesn't become overwhelming but I think you will find it hugely beneficial.