I get a lot of anxiety because of dust, germs + cleaning all the time. I'm a bit of a clean freak but then vice versa I rarely clean because of the anxiety it's a vicious cycle and I feel trapped with it now + it's really bringing me down and I feel it's making my autoimmune problems worse because of the dust and bacteria. I have a chronic sore throat and I'm sure it's because of this.
I live with my parents, dad is always working and my mum has a brain tumour - it's benign but it is growing steadily and has started to impact her sight so she'll likely have it operated this year so I want to keep the house clean + neat and tidy for her and I feel really bad and lazy that it's currently in a really bad place. Sometimes I feel like the worst daughter in the world - I want to help - the intent is there but I'm unable to bring myself to do it because of my anxiety. I worry about stirring up the dust + I don't like how it never looks clean after.
Reading online I've read that some people use car microfiber mittens for dusting rather than cloths - apparently this works really well so I am interested in using one, just to see how good it is - but getting over the initial anxiety is the hard part. It's extra hard now because my mums health is bad and a massive worry but I'm hoping she will make a full recovery.
It feels like everything is happening all at once, like the year my dad got diagnosed with diabetes and my sister died. I'm coping ok at the moment - not on any medication - no longer suffering from mental health - but things are hard and I'm holding on to hope it will all be ok again, eventually.
