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Knee Jerk bad reaction

Dogtooth

Hi all,

Just want to tell this. Thats all. 

Last night i spoke to my mum. We had a nice chat, and i recommended a film i genuinely thought she would like. 

About an hour later i get a text from her that just says 'what the F'. No kiss or anything. 

So i reply with ' I thought you would have liked it'. 

I get one word back. Again no kiss. 'Idiot'. 

So this hurt quite badly. More than i think it should, and my go to is self harm. 

Im now at work and have taken the dressing off and have just glued my leg shut. Im ok. So moderators you dont need to send me a message. Im not badly hurt. 

I feel a little foolish noiw though. I realise my reaction was quick and responsive and i didnt think through the situation properly. My mum has a warped sense of humour, like myself, and im certain she was joking. Just last night it stung me quite badly to just see that one word 'idiot' from my mum. 

  • in reply to Dogtooth
    Dogtooth said:
    She hates my self harm and made me promise to stop. 

    If you are not already doing this, I can strongly recommend getting yourself a therapist to work through this stuff. Sometimes it takes someone from outside your own little world to help you look at things, put them in perspective and find the resolve to tackle the root cause of the problems.

    It can make life less hard, but it should help you and earn you some respect from your wife for doing something actively about it.

  • Hi Dogtooth, 

    I just wanted to say I am sorry this happened. 

    It sounds like your mum needs a couple of lessons in how to communicate politely. 

    I also struggle with SH so I know how that feels - really horrible. Sorry you have to hide this from your partner, that's a shame - I would hope that while they hate the act itself they can remain supportive in the circumstances. Come back and write more if you need to vent. I know it won't mean anything coming from a stranger on the internet but: I really want you to stay safe. Be gentle with yourself. 

  • Thank you for your replies. 

    So my parents are oddballs to say the least. They dont believe in my diagnosis, and if i told my mum she upset me she would say to toughen up. Ive had it my whole life. 

    As to offending her, i can honestly say there was nothing in the film i can see that would have offended her. Im sure she was just playing around. 

    Its me that needs to change. I have to pause and think before i act. 

    On top of it all i now have to hide a fresh wound from my wife. She hates my self harm and made me promise to stop. 

    Sometimes life feels a bit pointlessly hard lol. 

    I'll be fine. 

    Thank you again. 

  • Dogtooth said:
    About an hour later i get a text from her that just says 'what the F'. No kiss or anything. 

    Do you think there could have been content in the film that could be triggering for her?

    Sometimes we just recall the bits that appealed to us and skip over a scene that could have been upsetting to them (eg a death scene that reflected a life experience she is still sensitive to, mysogony when she has strong feminist views, starring an actor she detests (Russel Brand being flavour of the hour) etc?

    The lack of any emoticons in her response when she knows you are not great at reading between the lines is a pretty good indicator she was offended so maybe say "sorry if you didn't like it. I don't understand why and would like to know so I don't hurt you in future".

    If it was just a joke then she will probably feel bad and explain then - more importantly - make it clearer in future.

  • If you're right and she hurt you so badly just by accident, you need to tell her so she can do better in future. Lots of us aren't great and reading intentions from words like that; if she knows to put a wink or lol or whatever it could save you both that hurt. 

    I'm a (recovering) self-harmer too. It's good that it sounds like you at least took care of yourself afterwards. I hope you can feel better soon.